Haikyuu One Shots!

Oikawa x f!reader

Content Warning: angst with a happy ending

Part One

Oikawa and Tohru are two different people. Oikawa is his outside persona, while Tohru is the real Oikawa Tohru. Oikawa is confident and skilled. He plays around and can be silly. He loves and believes in everything he does, and people adore him. He is the person that everyone either wants to be, or wants to be with. He's desirable.

But Tohru is the shattered person on the inside. The one who beats himself up and second guesses everything. The one that wears a mask to avoid anyone seeing the real him, in fear of their rejection and disappointment. That is something Tohru never wants to see happen, fearing it would shatter him entirely.

Tohru does a great job of displaying his mask for everyone to see. He has nearly perfected the art of being Oikawa. His mask never slips. That is except for around one person, Iwaizumi. Iwa is the only one that knows Tohru. The only one that Tohru feels comfortable enough to share his awful secret with. But to everyone else, he is Oikawa. And that is all he will ever be.

Oikawa dates, but he never lets them see what is behind the mask. It's no wonder his girlfriends never last long. They never guess that the Oikawa that they knew was merely an act, but they can feel Oikawa's lack of trust in them. Eventually they get tired of the feeling that he is hiding something. Or some of the more shallow ones, that don't actually care for Oikawa, leave once the novelty wears off.

It's not that Tohru doesn't care for these girls. He would never date someone that he didn't have at least some feelings for. But he fears the rejection he may face when letting them see the real Tohru. For that reason, Tohru never lets them in. He never truly trusts in them.

But there is one girl that treats Oikawa differently. It's as if she sees straight through him. It's as if she can look past Oikawa and see Tohru. It is driving him crazy. Those subtle looks of worry he receives from her. The fact that she never looks at Oikawa with admiration, but instead seems to sympathize with him. She drives him crazy.

No one sees past his charade except for Iwa, who he willingly let in. No one. So why does it always feel like Y/N can see straight through him. It's never pity on her face, but rather concern or reassuring smiles. It scares him.

The first time he saw Y/N two years ago, she stared at him with concern written all over her face. The first thing that she ever said to him wasn't her name. Instead Y/N asked him if he was okay. It rattled Tohru and his mask almost slipped. Since then Y/N hasn't asked him any more scary questions. But she speaks softly to him and gives him sad, reassuring smiles every time they make eye contact. It truly feels like she knows his secret, and that terrifies Tohru.

Oikawa was sitting in an empty classroom. Class had already ended, but he was making up some assignments that he had missed due to volleyball. He was all alone, but he still displayed his persona of Oikawa. He couldn't risk someone coming in and seeing the real Tohru.

When the classroom door suddenly opened, Oikawa looked up with a cheeky smile. He was met with Y/N's sad eyes and gentle smile. "I'm sorry to bother you Oikawa," she spoke softly. "Our teacher asked me to drop off some more papers that you missed." Oikawa glanced to the papers in her arms. He would be here a while. "I know that you are a great student, but I'm happy to help if you need anything."

Oikawa smiled up at her. It was fake though, just like Oikawa. Her presence rattled him. "Thank you, L/N. I appreciate it. You're more than welcome to stay if you'd like." Tohru was surprised that his flirty comment didn't make him feel uncomfortable as it usually did. Normally Tohru flirts to keep up his act of Oikawa, but the invitation had just slipped out. Tohru internally lectured himself.

He did his best to remind himself that Y/N made him uncomfortable because it felt like she could see straight through him. But at the same time, it was refreshing. It felt like he didn't have to maintain his act around her. And despite the feeling that Y/N knew his secret, she never rejected him. She always attempted to comfort him instead. His feelings for her were conflicted. Hence why she drives him crazy. Does he like her or does he want to avoid her? Tohru wasn't sure.

Y/N smiled more brightly at Oikawa's invitation. It was a new smile. It looked happy. Something Tohru wasn't used to seeing from her. "Thank you Oikawa," Y/N chirped. It was the first time he had invited her to spend time with him. Y/N sat backwards in the chair in front of Oikawa's desk so that she was facing him. She placed her head on her arms and watched him do his work.

Y/N helped Oikawa with the assignments. Filling him in on the lectures that he had missed. Tohru realized that Y/N was a really good tutor. He was grateful that he had invited her to stay. The longer she was there, the less Tohru wanted to push her away. He enjoyed spending this time with her.

As they worked, Tohru could feel Y/N taking subtle glances at him. At first he ignored it, but every time he felt her gaze Tohru could feel Oikawa chipping away piece by piece. His mask was slipping away under her piercing gaze.

"Why do you always look at me like that?" Tohru finally asked. Yes, Tohru asked this, not Oikawa. Y/N was taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor and the vulnerability in his voice.

"What do you mean?"

Oikawa sighed, his mask back in place. "You always look at me with those sad, sympathetic eyes. It's like you can see straight through me." He calmly explained. Oikawa kept his eyes locked on his assignment. Y/N cracked a small smile that he couldn't see.

"Because you always seem so sad," Y/N explained.

Oikawa's eyes widened and he snapped his gaze up to Y/N. So she could see straight through him. Y/N had never been fooled by his act. At first a sense of dread clouded over him. But then, like the sun peaking through the clouds, he remembered that Y/N never rejected him. She never avoided him or his gaze. Instead she always met it with a smile. A warm feeling flooded his stomach, washing away the sense of terror.

"What would I have to be sad about?" Oikawa asked with a fake laugh. Despite the warm feeling brewing in his stomach, Oikawa kept up his act.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. "Anyone can be sad, there doesn't need to be an explanation. If someone feels sad, then they feel sad."

Oikawa's eyes widened, his mask slowly slipping away. "And that doesn't scare you? My sadness doesn't make you dislike me?" Tohru's face softened as Y/N shook her head. He surprisingly believed her, and that warm feeling in his stomach spread. Tohru was sure now. He does like her. Y/N is a breath of fresh air. She sees the real Tohru for who he is.

"Of course not!" Y/N answered quickly. She softened as she spoke again. "I like the real Oikawa. He's genuine and full of raw emotion. And he has the most amazing smile." She added the last part with a slight blush, avoiding Tohru's eyes.

Tohru blinked. "My smile?"

Y/N nodded. "It's not always fake." She said confidently. "Sometimes you just light up. Like when you are with Iwaizumi, or when you are playing volleyball."

Tohru's eyes widened. "You've watched me play?" His voice was missed with shock and hope. Tohru's heart was racing. He desperately wanted to hear Y/N say yes. He wasn't sure why it was so important to him, but it felt like a confession. Like Y/N would be telling him that these long standing but newly identified feelings weren't one sided.

"Yeah, I enjoy watching. I go to the games that don't overlap with school. I love seeing the smile on your face while you play. I hope that you can smile like that at me someday." She confessed. Tohru smiled at her. A real, genuine smile. Y/N returned the look, a blush coating her cheeks. "Yeah," she said. "Like that."