Haikyuu One Shots!

Atsumu x gn!reader

Content Warning: lots of angst with a happy ending

How can you love someone if you don't even love yourself? That is a question that Y/N had heard their entire life. It's not that Y/N doesn't love themself necessarily, but rather that Y/N doesn't see what other people see in them. They can't understand why people enjoy spending time with them. They especially can't wrap their mind around what Atsumu sees in them.

Y/N loves Atsumu, and Y/N knows that Atsumu loves them back. But that is what makes things difficult. How could Atsumu love someone like Y/N? Y/N feels worthless. Especially in comparison to someone like Atsumu. The Miya Atsumu. The famous Division One professional volleyball player. But what is Y/N?

Y/N doesn't hold Atsumu's status above them. They would never. They could never. Atsumu means everything to them. But Y/N has trouble finding meaning in their self. In Y/N's mind, their accomplishments don't mean that much. They aren't very fond of their own personality and can't understand how other people view them differently.

It was late at night. Y/N was sitting beside the window, looking up at the stars. Atsumu was long asleep, as he should be. But Y/N couldn't relax enough to do the same. There was a large pit in Y/N's stomach and they were filled with a feeling of emptiness. Silent tears periodically fell down their face, as they sat completely still watching the stars.

Y/N's face was blank. If it weren't for the tears, there would be no trace of their sadness. They appeared calm and collected, completely absorbed in the stars. There was no telling what was going on in Y/N's head.

Y/N wasn't sure why they were feeling this way. Nothing significant had happened to trigger these feelings. They had a fantastic day with Atsumu and Osamu. Osamu had come to visit them since Atsumu had the day off. It felt just like old times. Although Atsumu and Y/N are now closer than they used to be. But right now, Y/N couldn't shake the feeling that they are just a shell of a person with a crumbling soul on the inside.

Y/N wasn't lost in the stars like they appeared to be. No, they were lost in their mind trying to find a reason for all of the good things in their life. But they were at a loss. They couldn't find a reason as to why people enjoyed their company. They couldn't see what others see in them no matter how hard they looked inside themself. It was as if every road they went down was a dead end.

Y/N continued to be lost in their thoughts and the tears continued to flow silently. They were so lost in their search that they didn't hear the quiet footsteps approaching them. "Y/N?" Atsumu called out, his voice groggy from sleep. "Why are you still awake?" Atsumu rubbed the sleep from his eyes before getting a good look at Y/N. He froze in his tracks when he saw the moonlight reflecting off of Y/N's silent tears.

Atsumu's shoulders dropped a little, his face softening into a sad and sympathetic expression. He carefully walked over to Y/N, wiping away the tears on their left side. Y/N found comfort in the action and leaned into Atsumu's touch. Y/N's eyes closed as the momentarily relished in the warmth of their boyfriend's hand. "Y/N, why are you crying?" Atsumu softly whispered. His voice soothed Y/N's aching soul.

Y/N met Atsumu's brown eyes, momentarily getting lost in their warmth. Y/N's tears stopped spilling down their cheeks. They allowed themself to feel the safety and comfort of Atsumu's presence before responding. "Sumu," Y/N spoke softly. "What do you see in me?" Their voice held so much vulnerability. Y/N was no longer crying or even on the verge of tears, but their eyes still held such sadness.

Atsumu smiled softly. "A better question is what don't I see in you," he joked. His playful voice brought a small smile to Y/N's face. "Let's see," he hummed. "You're kind and considerate, and not to mention insanely attractive." Atsumu grinned. "You put up with my chaos and are one of the most caring people I know. You've supported every step of my dream and career since the moment we met. You have an amazing personality. It's always fun spending time with you, and you have the most amazing laugh. But most importantly, I can't imagine my life without you by my side."

Y/N teared up again at Atsumu's kind words. His voice had its usual playful tone, but his eyes displayed a softness that Y/N wasn't used to seeing from Atsumu. Hearing Atsumu's answer helped ease the burning question that had been plaguing Y/N's mind. It also gave Y/N hope. They may not see all of that stuff in themself right now, but Atsumu gave them hope that they would someday.

Y/N hugged Atsumu, burying their face in his chest. "Thank you Sumu," their voice was muffled by Atsumu's shirt. The setter smiled and stroked Y/N's head affectionately.

"I love you, Y/N."

Y/N smiled, snuggling in deeper into Atsumu's chest. "I love you, Atsumu."