Finding Joy

Serenity

I always wondered why,
I was so silent next to you.
Maybe it was butterflies
Leaving my stomach and
Blocking my vocal cords
He'd joke, "Do I make you that nervous?"
And without hesitation, I'd say, "Yes."
Every time.
I'd have so many things to tell him
Whenever he was far.
So many things I'd seek to ask him
Whenever he would be next to me again.
But for some reason, when that time came, I'd always be silent.
I finally realized why.

It was serenity.
I was at peace being by his side.
So much so that my mind was clear.
I had no thought to spare.
I'm not overthinking.
I'm not anxious.
No wonderment to extend because I was dwelling in tranquility listening to him, looking him, being around him.
Have you ever experienced that?
This was my first time.
I didn't know this feeling existed. I've never heard it vocalized in song or on spoken tongue.
And now that he's moved on and we exist in "has been's" I'm disappointed this feeling is gone too.
Although, I am grateful.
I wish I was more expressful of these things to him.
Maybe things would be a bit different now.
Nonetheless, I'm grateful to have someone offer serenity.
So, thank you.

P.S.

I like doing things alone.
It's very comfortable for me.
But since meeting you, I didn't like being alone anymore. I wished to do everything thing in our monumentous grand and mundane life together.