Finding Joy

Say Goodbye, Greedy Me

I reread my old writings. I craved to be loved for so long. However, I forgot I'm the wildflower friend. A dandelion.

You aren't a wildflower. You just need to die.

Hush. As I was saying. I forgot that that's my place. My place in life is a passerby. I'm not meant to stay awhile.

Death really does that for you.

I tried to overstay my welcome. I got greedy. Trying to have a love and a life that I didn't deserve. That didn't befit me. I wasn't meant to have. I'm the one who comes and leaves. I was too greedy when I met him. Thinking maybe I could have what everyone else had and maybe, just maybe.. I didn't have to live in daydreams of love.

I'm a passerby. A moment. I should have stayed as a moment for him. But I got greedy.

You're really redundant.

I've just been sitting in my car for the past hour trying to get the courage to enter my own home because I can't seem to face that I'm the lonely soul in my family. I didn't want to make my heartache a reality by being in my room alone while I hear my brother be with his girlfriend and her son. And then hear my dad laughing with his girlfriend. Especially after I deleted the number of the first guy I liked in a while.

I wonder, was that you or me who deleted it.

Honestly, I can't tell right now. But I need to give him his space. And I need to be..

Let me guess, a wildflower.

I really should have been a moment. A good moment. That's my regret. That I wasn't this bright light who was weird and silly, oddly confident and...

Oh well. What's done is done right? Who needs closure?

You obviously do.

I think I do haha but let's think of him. He needs me to leave him alone. Space. Not even a word to say goodbye. Maybe this will be it. My goodbye. And my apology.

Two for one special. How resourceful.

Goodbye. And I'm sorry.