I can feel you. I swear, if you don't go away...
Is that a threat? What are you going to do? Hurt me? If you hurt me, you hurt you. I dare you to. I dare you to hurt me.
He doesn't care. I know that. I don't need you to remind me. He cares about her now.
You did it. It's all your fault. To be frank, he never cared about you. It was all in your head. You made up all of those moments.
Probably.
Let it go.
I just want to say goodbye first.
You think he thinks you're worth that? He's avoiding you. He's ignoring you. He doesn't even want to be your friend. Just move on.
Why are you acting like you care about me?
Whatever makes you sad and alone. I'm totally going to support.
I just want to say goodbye. But I don't think I'll get to. I really did mean nothing.
You never mean anything to anyone, dear. It's what I keep telling you. If you died all those years ago like I told you, you wouldn't feel this heartache. It's honestly your fault for believing you could ever find joy.
Oh my god! Shut up! Stop it. I will never let you win! Stop trying to get me to hurt myself, to die, to cry, to whatever. I'll never concede to you! No matter what you say, I'll live.
Unhappily.
No. I'm going to find joy.
You're not.
Yes, I will. I am not my mental illness. You said it yourself, remember? So, I will win. I silenced you once. I can do it again. If he chooses her-
Then it's his win. He dodged a freaking bullet with you.
No! Loss. YOU said it yourself. I, me, I am awesome. It's you who is poison. The antidote to you is for me to be happy. And I will be happy. Oh. Another thing. Stop calling me "lightning girl."
YOU ARE READING
Finding Joy
PoetryI never spent time seeking joy. I only spent time making a bed comfortable enough in sadness to bare it. Now, I'll see and work at finding joy. This is a continuation of "We Are the Normal Ones: Memoirs of a Fallen Human".
