~Hate to love~ Leah Williamson

Why am i like this..?

Miley's PoV:                                                  TW SH

I always bottle up my emotions and take them out in anger and I have been struggling really lately by loosening my oldest brother and no one know about it on the squad. I never talk about my emotions it's just a waste of time and I always get mad after and yk what I like to do when I'm mad. But I haven't had sex with someone in a long time. I'm focusing on Leah all the time and always hanging out with her like going on walks watching the sunset or sunrise. I'm always by her side I know that for a fact and I won't be leaving her side anytime soon. I'm attached the first time I'm saying that sentence other then having separation anxiety when I was younger from my mum. I'm really struggling but I just let it out in anger then brake this throw thing punch thing. Anything I can do even punch people but never Leah. She has a soft spot and I don't like it. I always push people away because of my mh but she's different and I really do want Leah. If I ever fuck her I don't think I would leave her after. I drop to the floor in tears in the bathroom. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I've done it. I feel the blood dripping down my shoulder were it wouldn't be obvious to the fans. I clench my shoulders in pain. Fuck this one is deep as fuck well it's not one. I look down to my shoulders to see what looks like millions. I can't help it I really can't. I hear Leah knock on the door. 'What's taking you so long' she says. "Nothing I'll be out in a min I'm almost ready to go to the club." I reply trying not to make my voice sound shaky and it works. I've done this too much times now. I walk out after cleaning it up with bloodshot eyes. Leah notices and walks over. Oh shit. She kisses me softly on the lips. She knows how to calm to down fuck. 'Do you wanna talk about it' Leah says calmly knowing I can get very angry. "I don't know why I'm like this Leah" I reply faintly. 'Like what you can tell me darling' I grow angry I don't know why but she notices and places her hand on my thigh "No one acts like they care it's always you do this you do that and theres never a middle your always bad or good when you slip up people say your bad automatically AFTER ONE FUCKING SLIP UP" My voice raises at the last bit idk where that came from I wasn't mad about that or sad about that? 'I know they do ml but you just have to block them ok it doenst matter what silly strangers say does it' Leah still remains calm. I grow even more angry but calm myself down again because I don't want to hurt Leah or else I'll be extremely mad at myself and idk what I would do without Leah. "I don't know what I would do without Le not trying to be cringe but seriously Le" I say to Leah in my sweet voice. Wtf was that? I know for a fact she doesn't speak Spanish but I do fluently since I'm half Spanish that's were I get my tan off.
"te amo" I say (I love you in Spanish) Leah just has a confused look on her face since she doesn't speak Spanish I only speak Spanish to say things to someone for them not to understand it and to curse when I'm mad that's when my Spanish comes out the most. Leah whispers 'do you realise I took abit of Spanish in school and know the basics' I go red hoping she doesn't know what I said. 'Oh yea and by the way I love you too' She says smirking. That bitch. I pull her in for a hug I'm not a affectionate person I just fuck and kiss like non affectionately. But I really do mean this hug. I hug her tight 'I don't ever wanna let you go'

A/N: If your struggling with your mental health rn I'm here for you genuinely I struggle with it a lot. I don't know how to talk about my feeling I see myself a-lot like Miley. Just remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel even though you might not think that one day you will not think but you will know that there is. Even though I don't believe it myself one day I will. I always do the thing Miley did in the bathroom and I know some people do some and I'm here for them. Trust me we can get through this together 🫶. Xx