Confessions of an Intern

Weeks thirty-eight and thirty-nine

These last two weeks have been refreshing and busy all at once. During my second week of human behavior...I took a VACATION! Well, I didn't go anywhere, the most exciting thing I did was take five kids to free art program offered in our city where they can do creative stuff with paint, paper, markers and crayons. The 14 year olds weren't too impressed, but the younger ones love it. Instead of "me" time, I hung out with the kids and just read. I read and read and enjoyed it so much. Two of my oldest son's friends spent most of their spring break at our house, doing what they do. Sorry, I did not write a whole lot on my other creative pieces, but I just needed a break from everything.

Then this last week was slow and relaxing. I only worked half days, did a bit of reading on work stuff...oh and I was thrown into the OB world Wednesday afternoon. I walked into that unit, the one I have the love-hate relationship with, and fell into a routine that I am shocked came so easy. I had three laboring moms, delivered two babies and dealt with little issues that popped up along the way. The deliveries were beautiful, the moms didn't have too hard a time with it once the epidurals kicked in, they didn't have to push too long, and we had a couple of beautiful babies. The delivery process came so much easier for me this time. My faculty doc only had to step in when one of the little ones' shoulder did not want to deliver. But...he marked me "competent" on both. You see, you might thing I should be considered competent before I do any deliveries, right? Well, we have to learn at some point. Our categories are: novice, advanced beginner, competent, proficient, expert. I will move on to the other categories as I get more experience. Proficient for us means I could teach the skill, and expert means I am recognized by peers and colleagues as being expert.

Anyway, I love it that I am moving out of the beginner phase. I'm getting a lot of razzing by my classmates, joking that I know more than some of the 3rd years, but I am a first year still. I am still learning a lot. I feel good that I am recognized as capable, but I don't want anyone to think they don't need to follow up on my stuff because of it.

The other thing I did this week was sit in on an Intesive Day Program, where people who need intense psych therapy agree to come in every day for an all day program, and sleep at home, instead of being hospitalized. I was a fly on the wall, so to speak, listening to those in the room discuss their concerns. I am really convinced that we are a product of our environment. If you've taken any psychology classes you've heard the term Nature vs. Nurture. We are both. We are given our genetic traits, but we are also formed by the experiences we have. So many of the folks in the group have been hurt by someone: their father, boyfriend, wife, husband, you name it. Many of them do not realize it is not them who has the problem, it is the person who hurt them. The problem they have is how they respond to the problems. Now listen, I am not saying we are not responsible for our actions. No way, Jose. We are responsible for how we act. What I am saying is many of these folks don't realize what is going on, with abuse or neglect or manipulation. They drink and drive, they have anxiety, depression, etc. Bipolar disorder as a diagnosis is handed out like candy in my opinion. If someone with depression does something a little too happy, or with too much gusto, they are bipolar. I think of emotions as a sine wave (google it if you don't know) where our "highs" are positive and our "lows" are negative. Bipolar causes deep lows and really high highs. We all have ups and downs. I think some of the extremes are because the person experiencing the stressor does not have the capability or the tools to deal with it. That is what CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy tries to teach. It is effectively giving someone with an empty tool box the tools to deal with the problems in their lives. We cannot always remove the stressors. We could say "Never talk to your dad and you will be happy." Really? No, we can't say that. He is your dad. You have to learn how you will deal with whatever is thrown your way.

Realizing this, I know that is why I am able to be who I am and not suffering because of my upbringing. If I had not made the choices I did, or surrounded myself with the friends I have or left to God that which I cannot change, I am better for it. I have two brothers. I share two parents with one of them. They both have serious issues, thanks mom. I was able to get away from her. We still talk, but she does not hold power over me like she does them. That is partially thanks to my very reasonable and logical husband. Anyway, my eyes were opened this week to several things, and I know words are very hurtful. We should never say anything hurtful to others, it could be devastating. But we do, we hurt others very often, and probably half the time we don't even know it. I have to remind myself of this with my sons and my husband. I have high expectations of them, but I have to be careful how I reprimand. Often, I hear my mother's cruel and harsh criticisms come out, then I have to apologize. I do not want my kids to hate me, or to resent my input in their upbringing.