Confessions of an Intern

Week Fifty-two

Week Fifty-two

...week fifty-two. That is one whole year. I have completed my intern year. It has been a long and short year. I don't know if that makes any sense. I am a long way from where I was a year ago. It seems only last week I started writing this. I was so profoundly touched by so many patients there at the beginning, they still weigh on my mind. I remember most of those I wrote about vividly. In the end, things started to bunch together a little, and cardiology just did not have any profound moments for me.

It was short in that it is already over. It has flown by for me. This fact is both a blessing and a curse. It means I have already completed one-third of residency. It also means I have watched my children grow a whole year, condensed into minutes a day. My middle son is so tall, I cannot recognize him unless I see his face. My oldest is driving! My youngest is paying for my absence in his life. My oldest watches him, but does not appreciate the burden. I am fortunate my mother in law picks him up for activities most days. The problem is, niether of the people charged with watching him 'get' him. He is different...I believe I have discussed this fact before. He does not have very good judgement. He may be normal for a nine year old, but for me and my family, he is slow. We are struggling getting appointments with psychology to work on his behavior and mental health issues, which I really don't want to be 'issues'. He is a cool, unique kid, who I would not want to be different. I only want him to be outfitted with the skills to be successful in life. I'm a little odd, he reminds me of me. Maybe he is just the boy version of me. He is so smart, just not much common sense (unlike me...although, I think my common sense has a component of experiencing failure with it).

My marriage has survived, for the better I believe. We still have our moments, but who doesn't. I am blessed to have a man who does not cheat on me, makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, cooks, cleans, takes care of the yard, the kids, the animals. I am treated like a queen most days. Then there are the days I should forget, the ones where we are both tired and worn out and bitchy. I wish we could just erase those, because we really do have a good time. I could not be what I am without him. I have wondered what life would be like if I had not met him, and I cannot. I would not be me without him. We have been together half of my life now. There is more 'us' than either one of us alone. That's okay with me...I see those younger than me, looking for love and purpose and the 'me' gets in the way of 'us'. They are less flexible and unwilling to give an inch. I'm not saying settle for less than you deserve, but a tree that bends lasts far longer than a brittle, beautiful young pear tree, that snaps in the slightest storm.

Ironically, the only thing separating me from my first year/intern self from my second year self is one night. Onward and forward. It is time to move up in the world. See you on the other side....