Matters To Me

Chapter 39

*TRIGGER WARNING. This chapter may be triggering for some readers*

Missie slowly woke up, she noticed it was still dark and Billy was still asleep beside her. She didn't know what was wrong but something felt off. She quickly turned to face Billy when she felt it. She winced in pain. She stopped and started to sit up when she felt the pain again.

Billy slowly woke up, feeling her shift. "Missie?" he mumbled.

"Somethings wrong," she whispered, not wanting to be right.

Billy quickly sat up. "What is it?" He asked, his hand finding her knee.

She slowly shook her head. "Go find a doctor."

Billy quickly dressed, kissing her forehead. "I'll be back soon."

He ran out the door and Missie sat there, not wanting to believe what she knew was in the back of her mind.

Billy ran and found Melquiades still at the party with the two women.

"William! You changed your mind!"

"I need to find the nearest doctor."

"Are you hurt?"

Billy shook his head. "It's Missie... my wife... somethings wrong, she's pregnant."

Melquiades stood up and quickly led him to the doctor's house. Billy pounded on the door until the man came out, obviously woken up from bed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"My wife needs a doctor, she's pregnant."

"I don't deliver babies, that is the midwives."

"Please, it is too early, something is wrong, she needs a doctor."

The man looked at Billy and sighed, going back in and coming out fully dressed.

Billy led them back to the inn and into their bedroom where Missie was still in bed, crying in pain, sweat covering her forehead.

"Billy, Billy, I'm sorry," she cried as he reached her and took her hands.

"Everything's gonna be alright, the doctor is here."

Missie shook her head. "It is too soon for the baby to be coming."

Billy looked at her as the doctor stepped in, removing the blankets away. Melquiades stepped out of the room, giving them privacy.

Billy cupped her face and stared at her reassuringly, however, the blood on the sheets was evidence enough.

She was losing the baby.

The doctor stood up and then motioned to talk to Billy in private. Billy stepped out with him, closing the door as Melquiades stood beside him.

"The baby is coming too soon."

"Can you stop it?"

"There's nothing I can do, her fluids are gone, and she will birth the baby, but it will be dead before it's even born ."

Billy looked at the door and ran his hands through his hair.

Billy slowly walked back into the room, taking ahold of Missie's hand.

"What did he say?" Missie asked as the doctor walked in, prepared for birthing the baby.

Billy wanted to lie, reassure her everything might just work out, but that wouldn't be fair to Missie to get her hopes up.

"He said it's too early, but that the baby is coming anyway."

Missie nodded, taking a deep shaky breath. She knew it before he told her.

"You need to push." the doctor ordered.

She needed to focus. She nodded, taking a breath, squeezing Billy's hand. She cried in pain, all of this would be for nothing.

Billy gently kissed her hand, trying to be the anchor she needed right now. Time seemed to freeze in this horrible moment as she continued to push until the doctor held up his hand.

She rested her head on the headboard and cried. Billy watched as the doctor cut the umbilical cord. The baby was so small, so tiny. A boy.

The doctor started wrapping him with the bloody rags he had grabbed and covered him, not caring, treating him like a speck on his boot.

"Stop," Billy ordered forcefully. He wasn't going to let his child be treated like nothing just because he didn't get a fighting chance at life.

Billy stood there, ignoring the tears in his eyes as he quickly grabbed the baby blanket Missie had made. The doctor stepped aside as Billy gently uncovered the baby, gently cleaning him up before wrapping him in his baby blanket. He wasn't bigger than Billy's hand.

"Can I hold 'em?" Missie asked, slowly looking at Billy, who was holding the baby.

Billy nodded, his finger gently brushing the baby's hand that was too small.

He gently placed the baby in Missie's arms and Missie looked at their child. She gently brushed her hand over his head and smiled.

"It's a boy," Billy said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Missie smiled sadly, kissing his head. "He's perfect... he has your curls," she smiled, noticing the faint hair on the baby's head.

She softly cried, holding their baby that already had passed.

"Come with me," the doctor said to Billy as he finished cleaning up.

Billy slowly followed him out of the room, not wanting to leave them.

"She can resume marital duties in a few days."

Billy stared at him numbly, the last thing on his mind was Missie's "marital duties". Right now he just wanted her to be okay and to be with her and his son.

The doctor requested payment. Billy gave him all he had but it wasn't half of what he requested.

"I don't have that much," Billy said.

The doctor looked at him like he didn't care.

Melquiades quickly took out his money and slapped it in the doctor's hand.

"This should be plenty, now go, let them grieve."

The doctor nodded, leaving.

"I'm sorry, my friend," Melquiades said. "Go be with your wife."

Billy walked back into the room where Missie was holding their son, humming an Irish tune, tears falling on her cheeks.

Billy slid into bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her, and burying his head in her hair.

The two of them didn't sleep, knowing in the morning they wouldn't have this time with their son, and that they would be burying him.

"We didn't even get to name him," Missie whispered.

"We still can."

Missie bit her lip, gently running her fingers over his cheeks, wanting to memorize what he looked like.

"Asher Benjamin McCarty," Missie whispered. "Asher for Mr. Upson... and Benjamin for my father, the reason we met."

Billy nodded. "It's a perfect name."

Billy let out a shaky breath as he rested his forehead on her temple, letting his tears fall.