Matters To Me

Chapter 48

Missie stayed up, watching him sleep peacefully. She couldn't sleep. Everything played over and over in her head, just upsetting her more.

She slowly snuck out of bed, careful not to wake Billy. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him when he needed sleep. She stroked their fire quietly and grabbed pots of water, warming them up.

Once they warmed she dumped them into the tub that she dragged in quietly.

Once it was full, she undressed and slowly sunk in, relaxing. She rarely got to take a bath and relax. Usually, she washed, hurried and rushed in whatever river or creek they found. It was nice to have complete privacy, it gave her time to think.

She glanced at Billy who was asleep in the bed. Why had she been so angry with him? Why had she said what she said? Why had she left?

She bit her lip as she washed herself. Billy loved her. She knew that. It had always been them, together, against every trial and fight life threw at them. She hadn't hardly known a time without him beside her.

She rested in the water, staring at the fire.

Billy woke up from the missing presence of Missie next to him. His heart faltered as he shot out of bed.

"Missie!?" He called out before he saw her, soaking in the tub.

She had quickly sat up, seeing, and hearing the panic at her not being beside him.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep," she whispered, suddenly feeling guilty for scaring him again.

He stared a moment before he dragged his eyes off her, his eyes betraying him. It had been too long.

He sighed in relief that she hadn't left him in the night like he feared she would.

"Will you join me?" She asked shyly.

She wasn't sure why she asked, it had slipped out. Maybe it was because she noticed how tense he was.

He didn't need to be asked twice. He removed his clothes, as Missie stared at the water, bringing her knees to her chest to make room. He slowly sank into the tub opposite to her. He winced, his muscles sore from the brawl he got into with Ollinger, however the hot water relaxed him.

Missie slowly watched him, studying his hands. They were all bruised up.

"You don't have to get into fights to prove anything to me," she said, running her thumb over his cuts and bruises.

Billy didn't answer, instead, he got lost in his thoughts. He had been drunk, angry, and upset. Maybe he was trying to prove something to her. That he could handle the gang and he wasn't turning into Antrim. Maybe he was proving something to the gang that he was worthy enough.

He was broken out of his thoughts when she softly brought his hand up to her lips. That was the first intimate thing she'd done to him in months.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" He asked.

He could tell she was tired. She shrugged as he brought his hand up to her knee, slowly massaging. She closed her eyes, resting her head back on the edge of the tub.

"What's wrong?" He whispered.

She bit her lip in concern, lifting her head, her hand playing with the water anxiously. She was nervous to talk to him, however, he was still here with her. The anger that she held for Billy had melted, he was still Billy. He always would be, she knew he didn't have a choice in killing Ortiz so why had she held it against him?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for everything I said. I was cruel, you're a good man, a great man, Billy. You always have been and I know you always will be. You're worth ten times those men. And I can't excuse what I said- no matter what I was feeling... I-I feel terrible for what I said, I didn't mean it, I just wanted to hurt you. I don't know why..." Missie paused, biting her lip. "Are we growing too far apart?" She asked, worried. "I don't want to fight with you, but I'm scared that we can't fix us. I'm worried I'm losing you and I know a lot of it is my fault... I've been angry... instead of talking, I've been pushing you away and when we do talk-"