Matters To Me

Chapter 40

Billy stepped into their room. He had been out building the coffin, using the supplies that he had been planning on making a crib with. 

Missie glanced at him—the midwife whom he had insisted on having her check on her just left.

The words floated through her head. How this happens sometimes, early labor, most likely because he already had passed away.

Missie tried remembering the last time she felt him move, now she wouldn't get that feeling again.

She brushed her tears away as she cleared her throat.

"She said nothing looked abnormal and that the bleeding should stop in a few weeks."

"It wasn't your fault," Billy said.

"It feels like it... I'm his mother, I was supposed to protect him but my body didn't."

Billy stepped closer to her, gently grabbing her shoulders.

Missie glanced at his eyes. "I'm tired, Billy."

Billy knew she didn't mean physically even though she had barely slept.

"I'm so tired," she breathed. "How much more do I have to take?"

Billy wrapped his arms around her, bringing hers up on his shoulders, allowing her to lean into him.

"I don't know, Missie. I'm here."

Missie nodded, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat before they headed out.

Missie carried Asher down to the burial site where Billy had built a coffin for him with his name engraved. It was beautiful and crafted with love.

The preacher talked however Missie didn't hear any of it as she stared at the little face in her arms.

Billy slowly approached her, his hands wrapping around Asher.

Missie didn't let go. She wasn't ready.

Billy gently kissed her forehead. "You need to let him go."

"I don't want to."

"I know. He is loved and that'll never change or be forgotten," Billy whispered, cupping her face. "He knew how much he mattered, how much you loved him."

Missie swallowed the lump in her throat that threatened to choke her as she gently passed Asher to Billy, kissing his head one last time.

Billy walked to the coffin and kissed his forehead before gently laying him down.

He walked back to Missie who took his hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly, the only thing keeping her from crumbling.

"Our parents and Joe are taking care of him... right?" She asked.

Billy wrapped his arm around her waist, his lips finding her temple. "He's in good hands."

"I can't watch them bury him," she whispered.

"It's alright," Billy answered, leading her away.

Billy led her back into the room where she took a seat on the edge of the bed. She bit her lip, trying not to cry, trying to not notice how empty it suddenly felt.

She looked at Billy leaning on the wall, watching the town outside.

Billy glanced at her when she shifted to get a better view of him.

"What do we do now?" She asked, feeling lost.

Billy sighed. "Take it one day at a time."

Billy walked over to her and sat beside her, taking her hand. Missie studied his hand that rested on top of hers and glanced up at him.

"I love you," she said.

She meant it, she didn't know how she would get through this pain without him.

"I love you," he replied, squeezing her hand.

They both knew how much they needed each other and just their presence. The two sharing the same grief made it seem more bearable, somehow.

Billy made himself more comfortable on the bed, motioning for Missie to sit beside him as he grabbed one of her books.

Missie slowly slid beside him, resting against his chest as he started to read Little Women to her softly. She had read that book dozens of times, it was her favorite. Billy's voice soothed her as he read the comforting story. It was long before she was lulled to sleep, the one place where she felt no pain.