The Suite Adult Life

January (5.1)

Bailey didn't know what she expected to happen over the New Year holiday. She could tear her hair out analyzing every detail from that evening. The touches and looks and that kiss Cody and London shared to him dancing with her. It was only a few songs but the music and the lights made it magical to her all the same. Nostalgic. That was the word. But as she watched him move and lead her in their little square of the dance floor it was hard to ignore how much they had changed.

Seeing him kiss another woman, not just London, made her realize that he had moved on and wasn't hers any more. She didn't know why but a little part of her thought that it would be the two of them at the end of the road. If she was honest with herself, it was him she saw herself with fifty years down the road and not Chad. But when she thought of the future it wasn't an older or even adult version of Cody. It was still the 17 year old boy, blonde hair streaked with highlights, who stood only a few inches taller than her. Now he towered a head above her with dark black locks that made his blue eyes pierce anyone he looked at.

She had wanted to escape shortly after the ball dropped but just as time slowed to watch her best friend kiss her ex it sped up as she was embraced by many arms from her past. It was Zack who singled her out to give her a New Years embrace. She knew that those who were not familiar with twins it might be easy to ignore who was who because they simply looked alike. However, those with experience, like her, the differences were glaringly obvious. Zack smelled different, his skin felt different, and the muscles under his shirt contracted differently when he gave her a tight hug. She hoped that he was hugging her for the both of them - no matter how fantastical that dream might be.

She watched the dreary landscape go by as she thought about the conversation she was going to have with Chad. He had sent a celebratory text at midnight telling her how much he was sorry and how much he missed her. He stayed radio silent for the rest of the time she was in New York. There was an obvious issue with trust between them. Even if it was this one instance, a mediator of some kind was going to have to step in before they met at the altar. This upcoming conversation was going to be difficult for many reasons. She was a people pleaser and would rather make him happy and sweep this all under the rug than deal with it.

He was her safe place. Then why was she so apprehensive about returning home? When they came back right after Christmas their normally warm brownstone felt cold. The sheets of their bed were too crisp and the coffee too bitter. The sunlight was a cold white and not a warm yellow. Bailey told herself it was just because they hadn't been home in so long; and, they had to reacclimate to their space again. But it had been five days and she couldn't shake the feeling of being in a stranger's home. So she ran back to New York.

Why did it feel like she was returning with her tail between her legs? Nothing happened. She danced with someone and not even closely. But Cody's hands were warm in hers. Soft and solid like a hug. Chad's hands were large and calloused and imposing. She used to love how they dwarfed hers. Sometimes it was uncomfortable to lace her fingers with his because his fingers were so thick. Cody's fingers slid between hers nicely. She shook her head trying to clear the thoughts. She was acting like a lovesick girl. She was conflating rose colored memories with reality.

The first time she and Cody split was because they couldn't trust each other. Now she wasn't able to trust Chad? Could it be that he was acting this way because she wasn't the trustworthy one? That was a choking thought. Being confronted with a possible truth of who you were was paralyzing. If she was the issue, she was the one who needed to make amends. She had to be ready to accept her fate and take responsibility for any harm she might have caused. Hashtag Adulting.

Bailey walked around the terminal after arrival searching for Chad or their vehicle. She checked her texts showing that she told him the right time. The train was maybe five minutes late. Even if they were angry it wasn't like him to forego his responsibilities. She couldn't really think of a reason why he wouldn't pick her up except that he didn't want to. Thankfully Ubers were plenty and she didn't have to wait very long to catch one. There was a stream of texts from her that weren't even read by him, all saying where she was and asking if he was on his way.

She went to unlock the door, finding it already unlocked. That meant he was home and actively ignoring her. Perfect. There was something different in the air. It smelled... different. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was. She heard voices coming from the bedroom though. Maybe that's why he didn't answer his texts? More importantly, why was the door closed? If he was home alone why would he need to close the bedroom door? She reached for the knob when she heard a distinctly female giggle and moan.

What. The. Fuck?! Bailey's mind screamed. This couldn't be happening. She wanted to kick the door in like some badass. Maybe she was dressed in a black catsuit with a gun and pulled the trigger with impunity? Another moan cut through her daydream and she would go back and forth between whether she was a coward or not when thinking of this moment in the future. She opened the door softly, careful not to make a sound. Not sure if they would hear her anyway. And there, in her bed, with the sheets she specifically picked out for the two of them, was her fiancé with a blonde straddling his waist.

Wordlessly, she left the door open, grabbed her suitcase and walked out of the house. She had no idea where she was going or for how long. All she knew was she had to get out. The icy chill of the January evening didn't register in her brain. She just found herself walking until she found herself in front of the Viceroy Hotel. She was going to make him pay. Literally.

She had ordered an exorbitant amount of room service. Champagne, ice cream sundaes, and the minibar was fully raided. It was when she was double fisting the champagne bottle and the now soupy ice cream sundae in a bubble bath when he finally realized that she had been home and caught him. Her phone buzzed with texts and phone calls. It was a diatribe of apologies, pleas to come home, and somehow blaming her for his actions. Only when the bottle of liquor was spent did she tell him she was safe and that they would talk to tomorrow. She wasn't sure if she was going to check out or not. She should be kicking him out.

Drunk on champagne and several mini liquor bottles and wrapped in a very plush bathrobe, she made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. On the voicemail she let everything out. How sorry she was, how she never should have made him feel so helpless. She loved him with her whole heart and would give anything to go back to where they once were. She accepted that he hated her and she hated that she saw him in another woman's arms. She begged to start over and that she would be good to him and never hurt him again. Well, she thought she left a voicemail.

Cody slumped on the stool of the Times' dark room. If he had paid attention to the caller ID he wouldn't have answered. He did so automatically thinking it was his editor and he was on deadline. She hated that he preferred the darkroom over digital but it was "his process" and it had earned him and the paper a stack of hardware. Once he realized who was on the other end his heart leapt into this throat. It sounded like Bailey was incredibly inebriated and like she had been crying. Her spiel was fast and jumbled though he was able to understand most of what she was trying to say. However, he couldn't get a word in throughout Bailey's declaration and he wasn't sure if he really wanted to. The call went dead quickly leaving her words to linger in his mind making him numb. He didn't want to believe what she was saying except for the way she said his name. The timbre and wantonness took him back farther than he cared to admit. It haunted him with flashes of them being seventeen and escaping from the world around them. A string of confessions that would never be fulfilled. No, it was their prayer for salvation.

And just like that, once again, Bailey Pickett left his heart shattered on the floor.