The Suite Adult Life

July (11.3)

The soft hum of the air conditioner was the only sound in Dr. Thompson's office as Bailey settled into the plush armchair. The room was adorned with soothing colors and abstract art, an attempt to create an atmosphere of calmness and security. The office itself was situated uptown in a medical high rise that had a clear view of Central Park. Given his hourly rate outside of her deductible the location was not surprising. He was supposed to be the best; and, as London had told her, she only deserved the best. Dr. Thompson was a middle-aged man with kind eyes and a reassuring smile. Her eyes followed him as he took his seat across from her.

"Hi, Bailey. How are you feeling today?" Dr. Thompson asked, his tone was gentle and inviting. He was dressed like a television dad from the 1980s. Bailey wondered if he had kids. She clocked his wedding ring when she first laid eyes on him. She bet they practiced healthy boundaries.

Bailey took a deep breath, her fingers nervously pulling at the hem of her blazer. "I've been doing okay, I guess. A lot on my mind, you know." She tried to keep her voice casual and professional. This was their first meeting and she didn't want to give away too much lest it didn't work out with him.

Dr. Thompson nodded understandingly. "It's perfectly normal to feel that way. Have you ever sought therapy before?"

"Once. In college. It... it wasn't a great experience." She crossed her legs at her knee, holding herself primly.

To her surprise, he just nodded. "This is a safe space, Bailey. Why don't you tell me why you've come today." He clicked the pen in his hand, a notebook open on his lap, waiting patiently. He really looked like he would wait there until the fifty minutes was up even if she didn't say a word.

Bailey hesitated for a moment before starting simply, "I've been thinking a lot about my childhood lately, about how things were with my parents."

He started to write something that she couldn't see, and of course she lightly craned her neck trying to see if she could read what he was writing. How cliche... "Do you mean when you were growing up or did something happen more recently?"

"When I was growing up." She chewed on her bottom lip. Saying everything out loud made her feel like she was being a crybaby. Just suck it the fuck up already! Her mind screamed at her. "I was one of ten girls. And, like most families with that many children, my parents couldn't afford it and they didn't have the time for all of us. I was in the middle, sixth oldest," she clarified. "So I was made to take care of my two younger siblings. My mom took care of the baby. I guess I was 'parentified'." Bailey slowly nodded. She didn't exactly feel good about saying it. There wasn't some huge release that came with the admission. Just the hum of the A/C filling the room.

Dr. Thompson looked away from his notebook, his eyes focused on her. "It sounds like you're already familiar with the concept. Can you tell me what that means to you?"

Bailey shifted uncomfortably in her chair, still struggling to put her feelings into words. "It's like... from a young age, I was made to feel this responsibility to make sure everything was okay at home. My parents had their own problems like financial issues. They were also super conservative and religious so I guess birth control was out of the question." Bailey rolled her eyes. If her parents just would have been smart about things like this maybe she wouldn't be sitting here. "I mean, everything that my sisters' did or did not do was always my responsibility - my fault."

Dr. Thompson nodded, his expression empathetic. "You mention lack of birth control. Do you think they were ignorant about it?"

"Ignorant? No. More like averse to it." She said thoughtfully.

He wrote something else down, the scratches of his pen rivaling the hum. "It sounds like you took on a role that wasn't appropriate for your age. How did that affect you growing up?"