to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 23

October 7th, 2023

"Uh-oh, I'm falling in love,
Oh no, I'm falling in love again,
Oh, I'm falling in love..."

Beckett

She broke up with her boyfriend two months ago.

She broke up with her boyfriend two months ago.

She broke up with her boyfriend two months ago.

This was the mantra I kept repeating in my head as I tried to keep my breathing steady.

Bailey and I sat close on the sofa, shoulder to shoulder, and our knees brushing. I could smell her chamomile shampoo and every time she laughed, my shoulder shook with hers. She was still wearing my hoodie, and if I thought the sweater she was wearing earlier was my favorite thing to see her in, I was wrong.

I never saw what guys meant when they said they liked seeing their girlfriends in their clothes, but I was definitely seeing it now. And Bailey wasn't even my girlfriend.

Not yet, at least.

Maybe not ever, if my slip up played a factor, which I can't stop thinking about. Why had I not thought my words through and how they would sound? I genuinely had been talking about the show, but when I saw her jaw drop I instantly ran back through what I had said. Then my own jaw dropped. How could I be so dense?

Christ, I'd have been content with getting run over by her grandfather's truck, with him driving. I could only imagine what he'd say if he knew about this, and a part of me was worried Bailey would go home and tell him about it. Then all my chances would be ruined.

It's not that I hadn't thought of that with Bailey, I'm a teenage boy for Christ sake. But I've waited my whole life for a shot with her, I would never blow it intentionally by asking something like that after only hanging out alone like this a few times. I was beyond mortified with myself.

It was so hard to think around her, and I had been so distracted after her knee pressed against my thigh that I hadn't even thought, I just spoke. And instantly regretted it.

The doorbell sounded and I was pulled from my miserable over analyzing of my dumbass mistake. I stood and went to grab the food before bringing it back to the coffee table. Bailey had paused the show, and had moved to sit cross legged on the floor in front of the table. I laughed at the sight before I started pulling food out of the bag and setting it in front of her.

It smelled amazing, and I'd been ecstatic when she said she liked Wingstop. I had been a little jealous of my cousin's photo, but that faded as soon as our order was placed.

An idea popped into my head then, and I sat next to Bailey on the floor before picking up my phone and opening the camera app.

"Smile," I told her, pointing it up at her and waiting for her to smile.

"Beckett!" She laughed, grabbing my phone before I could.

"I need a revenge picture! He thought he was rubbing his food in my face!" I chuckled. Bailey's smile widened as she thought something through for a moment. Then, she put the camera on point five before turning it around and angling it above us both.

"Hold up your box," she said, her shoulder leaning into my collarbone. The warmth of her fully pressed into my front side caused my mind to blank and I stumbled.

"What?" I asked, watching as her eyes caught on my face.

She was so close. If I just leaned down...