to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 38

December 15th, 2023

"I'm so in love with you,
And I hope you know,
Darling, your love is more,
Than worth its weight in gold,
We've come so far my dear,
Look how we've grown..."

Bailey

Beckett hadn't been joking when he said the weeks after October were going to be intense, because aside from driving to school and English class, I'd barely seen him after Thanksgiving.

He had games on both Tuesdays and Fridays now, and when he wasn't busy with soccer he was catching up on work he missed while being out.

But through it all, he still managed to not make it feel like I'd been tossed aside. Our mornings were the same, and on game days he sometimes asked to leave earlier so we could go grab breakfast. He never let me pay, but he always let me cover the tip.

At lunch, I'd sometimes catch him watching me from across the cafeteria and he'd give me that boyish smile that showed his dimple. My hands would get clammy when he did that, and I'd think back to when I grabbed his hand at Thanksgiving and he hadn't pulled away.

In English, he'd laugh and tell me it's crazy how much things have changed since we became friends, and how excited he is to go on vacation with all his favorite people.

My heart almost beat out of my chest hearing that I was one of his favorite people. I'd smiled at him when he said that, a big one if the way my cheeks hurt were any indication.

Then he would text me through the day too, except for when he was watching film, practicing, or playing in a game. Everytime my phone buzzed with a notification from him, my body thrummed in excitement. It was usually a song he was listening to that he thought I might like, or maybe something silly Caleb had said that made him laugh.

Either way, I liked that we were almost constantly talking. And every game day, without fail, he'd ask for a good luck photo. I usually took them with whoever was around, and he always sent one back with Caleb.

And then there was the touching. Things had changed in that department since the day after the Halloween party and Thanksgiving.

If we were walking through the crowded halls, Beckett's hand would find a place on the small of my back as we walked. The first time I had been shocked, but I liked the comfort his touch provided.

In English, I made it there before him most of the time, but he'd pull his chair out and take his seat before pressing his knee against mine under the table. And on the rare occasion he was in class before me, I did the same. The first time I had done it, he had beamed at me while I blushed and avoided his gaze.

Then after school, my grandfather would pick me up and we'd go home. He seemed tired after work these days, and it only made me more excited for him to catch a break on this vacation too. We'd go home and cook dinner together, and then if he wasn't too tired we'd play a song or two on piano.

Wren's parents had taken some convincing, but ultimately they gave in, but not willingly. They weren't happy that Wren was missing both Christmas and New Years, but legally she was 18 and could make her own choices. She was just as excited about it as I was, and we'd gone as far as making a bucket list for all the things we wanted to do while we were there.

This last week before homecoming, Beckett had become even more persistent in asking to see my dress. He seemed anxious when asking, and everytime I refused he smiled, but I could see a sense of panic in his eyes that unnerved me.

Anna had said he already had what he needed to wear, and that it would match perfectly, so I couldn't understand what he was worried about. When I asked, he just waved it off and laughed nervously, so I tried not to overthink it.