to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 62

April 18th, 2024

"I could just lie here, say, "It's okay,"
When I wanna rip all the doors off this place,
Set it on fire and just walk away,
So I can feel anything else but this weight..."

Bailey

"Bailey, hold on a minute," Grandpa Matt said, and I backpedaled from the steps I was previously on. "Thank you for doing that today."

"I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner," I swallowed. "It's wrong of me to keep her at arm's length from you because I'm upset with her."

"I wish I hadn't asked her to keep it from you, Bailey. I wish she hadn't been there that day, but she was. I hate that I did this to y'all," he says sadly, and I wrap my arms around him tightly.

Why was she there that day?

"I'll get over it, Grandpa Matt. I get it," I whispered. "It all just hurts still. But she's still my best friend."

I love her.

"Good," he sighs, and then he grabs my hand before spinning me. "Will you dance with me, Bailey Lakyn?"

"Oh god, not the middle name," I laughed, and I noted that it was the second time tonight I've done that. "Are you sure you have the energy for that? You said you were ready for bed."

"I can hold out long enough to dance with you for a few minutes," he said, pulling out his phone before stopping on a song.

Our song.

As the opening notes of "Holy Ground" began playing, I held my grandfather close. We swayed slower than usual, and when the beat picked up we didn't separate like we usually do. My chest tightened and tears filled my eyes as we soaked in the moment, because deep down I knew that this could be our last time.

Breathe, Bailey.

Just take it in.

"I love you, Bailey," he whispered into my hair, and I felt the last bits of my composure slipping.

"I love you more," I said, my voice cracking as I breathed in this moment with him. "My heart hurts Grandpa Matt, and it won't stop."

"I know, kid. You're gonna be okay," he said softly. "I promise."

Don't make promises you can't keep.

__________________________________

April 19th, 2024

The call came the next day while I was in school.

I was in English, and my phone started ringing. I'd frozen when I saw Anna's name on the screen, and my heart had stopped.

Anna knew what time it was, she knew I was in class. She'd never call me right now unless it was an emergency.

In the end, Beckett ended up answering my phone in the middle of class. I knew he was talking to her, but my ears were ringing while I sat there frozen. Beckett hung up, and then he was grabbing both of our bags from where we sat before grabbing my hand and pulling me with him.

When we pulled into his driveway and I spotted the medical van in mine, I snapped out of it. Anna was standing on my porch, on the phone with someone, but I blew past her to get inside.

"Grandpa Matt!" I yelled frantically, and I booked it to the living room at the sound of movement.

That's when I saw him.