to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 56

February 23rd, 2024

"This is you, this is me, this is all we need,
Is it true? My faith is shaken, but I still believe,
This is you, this is me, this is all we need,
So won't you stay a while?"

Bailey

I feel like my body is on autopilot as I make my way inside, my grandfather following behind me. I stop in the living room, and I don't even bother sitting down.

"I found out last May," he sighs, and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. "There's nothing they can do, Bay."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I cry.

"Because look at you!" He shouted, and I flinched at his raised voice. He pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers before breathing deeply. "It's terminal, Bailey. It was either be on chemo, have it hit me full force early on, and be a walking zombie for the next year, with still only a 4% chance of survival. Or I could make this last year with you everything I wanted, and it would progress slowly."

"There's a chance, Grandpa Matt. You have a chance."

"There's not, Bailey," he sighs.

"You just said there's a 4% chance if you take chemo!"

"The odds aren't in my favor, Bailey," he paused, and bit his lip as a tear slipped out. "It's already too late. I made the decision last May after getting multiple opinions."

"Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you pick to fight?"

"Because I wanted to be able to enjoy my last year with you. I didn't want to be a barely breathing corpse with an expiration date," he cries. "I wanted to see you off to college, Bailey. I wanted to make your graduation, and see you off to college afterwards."

"What about everything after that?" I sob. His eyes break from mine then, and I can see his heart breaking in the same way mine is. "You don't have an expiration date. Don't say that."

"I do, Bailey," he sighs. "I've come to terms with it."

"Stop saying that! How can you say that?"

"Because I've lived. I've lived my life already, I've felt everything I've ever wanted, I've experienced everything, and I've seen you grow into who you're meant to be."

"But there's still so much, Grandpa Matt."

"I know, I know, Bay."

"When?"

"What?"

"When is it?" I cry.

How long do we have?

"They said 10-12 months."

Oh my god.

Doing the math in my head from last May, we've already hit the 10 month mark.

This isn't happening.

"I was going to tell you, Bailey," he cries, and I run to him before throwing my arms around him again. "I just wanted this last year with you. We've done so much."

"Stop talking like that," I cry. "Please, I hear you, but just stop. I don't want to hear it anymore."

"Okay," he sighs, and his grip around me tightens. "Okay, Bailey. We're gonna sit here for a while, me and you. And then I'm gonna go get Wren from ne-"

"No, not yet," I swallow. "I know, I know there is probably some sort of explanation for why she got to know. I know that. But I can't look at her right now, Grandpa Matt. Please don't make me look at her right now."