to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 78

July 27th, 2024

"I know Heaven's a thing,
I go there when you touch me, honey,
Hell is when I fight with you..."

Bailey

I felt my love for Beckett grow another mile this morning. When I woke up, I was trying to avoid actually getting out of bed and going home. It's not that I didn't want to be there, because I do. I see reminders of my grandfather in every corner, and it makes me feel close to him when he's so far away.

But waking up with Beckett here, in our own little bubble, I didn't want to let that go either. And I love that Beckett was able to read my mind.

The morning had been a whirlwind of emotions after that. Starting with how good it felt to have his warm hand on my bare back. It had been a spur of the moment decision to not wear a bra to bed last night, and I had gasped when an asleep Beckett had snuck his hand up my shirt and pulled me close to him. I knew he was asleep, but feeling his rough hands as they caressed the skin of my back had my heart racing.

And then there was the whole bathroom incident.

It was no secret that I loved kissing Beckett, but this morning had been a step further for us. I was still high on the emotions of sleeping next to a shirtless Beckett, with his hand up my shirt, that I wasn't thinking when his lips found my neck. It had felt so good, and I was so caught up in the moment that I froze when he suddenly jumped back.

It took him hissing in pain for me to realize what we were doing. And how it looked. I was sitting on the counter, and before Beckett had jumped away, my legs had held him to me.

Oh my god.

So yeah, I had been a little embarrassed at the sound I released moments prior, because as soon as he heard it, he had pulled away in a rush. It was like he couldn't get away from me fast enough, and I was mortified with myself. I hadn't done a good job at hiding it either, and was seconds away from crying about it.

Because that's apparently all I ever do these days.

Cry sad tears.

Cry happy tears.

It was an endless cycle of crying.

But then of course he had to go and say something sweet, and I melted into a puddle. I liked the way things were for us, but I also wouldn't mind more nights and mornings like this in the future.

After we'd gotten dressed, Beckett had taken me for breakfast at some hole in the wall we passed on the way in last night after the concert. He spent the whole time talking about his favorite parts from the concert, and then went in depth about almost every lyric he loved the most.

I was whipped.

Now, he held my hand as we window shopped through town. I hadn't stopped smiling since we left the hotel, and I didn't see it dimming anytime soon.

"Hey, let's stop in this one before we head back to the truck," Beckett smiled, pointing to a sign above him and dragging me through the door. The door closes behind us and a small bell hanging on it rings, making our presence known.

Tabberns Book Shop

I could have screamed walking into there. It was like every pin I had saved to what I wanted my future bookstore to look like on pinterest was right in front of me. Rows and rows of books stacked on shelves, and vintage decor lining the walls. A piano melody played softly over the store speakers, and I was in absolute awe.