to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 79

July 27th, 2024

"The story of my life,
I take her home,
I drive all night,
To keep her warm,
And time is frozen..."

Beckett

Bailey reads this stuff.

Very descriptive stuff.

For fucks sake, it's practically porn.

And suddenly we are back in the same dangerous territory we were in this morning.

I swallow from my place in the driver's seat, and I feel Bailey buzzing in anxiety next to me as we sit silently. We haven't left the parking lot yet, and I'm not sure how I am supposed to drive us home after this.

"Hope your boyfriend knows the standard he has to live up to."

Those are the words Keegan had said, and Bailey had joked back with her about another book. So yeah, I was nervous. Because from the page I skimmed over, the standards were high.

And I felt a sinking weight in my stomach knowing that while Bailey reads that, the real thing with me might be completely different.

I meant it when I said I had never even kissed a girl before Bailey. So I was completely inexperienced compared to other guys my age, and that made me nervous for whenever the time came for Bailey and I to actually have sex. Because I don't think it would be anything like the scenes she reads, and that makes me a little worried.

I know Bailey loves me, and she would never let that be a deal breaker. But that doesn't mean she won't be disappointed. And that still hurts a little.

But also, knowing Bailey reads about that stuff. That she enjoys reading that stuff, has me on cloud nine. My Bailey, the one sitting innocently next to me as a strand of hair falls in front of her face, reads stuff like that.

It has my heart racing just as fast as earlier in the bathroom with her, and suddenly I am desperate to be back in that position with the girl next to me.

Too soon, Beckett.

"Can you say something?" Bailey asks, and her voice is back to that same small and hesitant one from this morning.

Say something.

"I love you," I say honestly, because I do.

She meant about the books, moron.

"So you read one of those pages," she says matter of factly, and if I was thinking clearly, I probably would have laughed at how well she can read me. "And now you're weirded out."

"You have to stop thinking that, Bailey," I groan, scooting over on the bench seat until I can lift a hand to her cheek while meeting her eyes. "I was surprised, not weirded out. I didn't know you read stuff that descriptive, even Happy Place wasn't like that."

"That's not all the books are though," she explains. "The plots are really good, and I like the chemistry between the characters."

"Bailey," I laugh. "Stop trying to explain yourself to me, I'm not weirded out."

"You promise?"

"I promise," I tell her, pressling my lips to hers in a quick peck before shifting back to my side.

"I love you too, Beckett," she says softly, buckling in her seatbelt. "From when you said it earlier, I love you too."

"I hoped so," I beam, backing out of the parking lot and getting on the highway. "So, can you read it to me?"

"What?" She balks, and I feel her stare on my cheek.

"What?" I laugh. "We're about to drive three hours back home. I'm intrigued, you're intrigued, why not read it aloud?"

"You're serious?"

"Completely."

And that's how we ended up with Bailey's feet on my lap as I drove, and her reading The Deal aloud. I snuck a glance at her during certain parts, because I just knew her cheeks were heating, and I was usually right.

Even I couldn't deny that the book was entertaining, smut scenes aside, as Bailey later called them. I was immediately heartbroken for Hannah when literally on the first page we found out she was raped, but her character seems so strong and resilient. It's gonna make for an interesting match against the egotistical hockey player guy.

"Hey!" I shout, a smile forming at the part Bailey just read, and I glance over to find her watching me expectantly. "That part is kinda like us."

"What do you mean?"

"They have a show now, Breaking Bad, isn't this like the beginning for them?" I ask. "Kind of like how we started watching Pretty Little Liars together before we started dating."

"Yeah," she laughs softly. "We did do that."

"Okay, keep going."

And she does, for the next half hour before we pull into my driveway. My front door opens just as we're getting out of the truck, and Beau comes running straight for me.

"Hey, buddy," I laugh, rubbing his head from where he jumped to lean on me.

"Bailey, are you hungry? Dinner is about ready, I was just about to grab Wren from yours," my mom smiles.

"I can grab her real quick," Bailey answers, already unlocking her door. "We'll be there in a few, I just want to set my stuff down."

"Okay, hon," my mom says, turning to me. "How was the concert?"

"So much fun," I beam. "It was unreal, Mom. He was so good, and one of Bailey's favorite artists showed up as a surprise guest too. She was so excited."

"Sounds like you two had a good time," she smiled softly, ushering me through the door. "She's doing alright, isn't she? You'd tell me if it became something I needed to worry about?"

"I would," I promised. "She misses him, we all do. But I think knowing he's not hurting anymore really puts her at ease."

At least I hope it does.

"Right," my mom sighs sadly. "Okay, just wanted to make sure. Go set your things upstairs and then get your sister to help you set the table."

"Yes ma'am," I tell her, moving upstairs towards my bedroom.

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