to live for the hope of it all.

Chapter 58

February 24th, 2024

"I can't imagine a world with you gone,
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of,
I'd be so lost if you left me alone..."

Bailey

Wake up, Bailey.

Not yet.

Don't make it real.

God, my head hurts.

My head pounded like I'd been punched, and everything from last night came back in full force. I hadn't been punched in the head, just my heart. My eyes stayed close, and my throat let out a low groan as I hid my head under the pillow to try and ward off the world.

Ward off today in general.

The bed moved, shifted with the weight of someone else, and suddenly I was awake, shooting up with a start. I flinched from the pain in my head, but it calmed when I found Beckett laying in front of me. I felt my posture soften as I sank back down into the fluffy duvet. My heart burned as I took him in.

He was unbelievably attractive like this. His hair was a mess, his mouth was parted slightly, and his chest inflated and deflated with each breath he took.

He stayed with me last night.

He held me till I fell asleep.

And somewhere, deep inside my chest, I felt my heartbeat pick up again.

I turned around to glance at the clock, only to find out it was almost 10, and Grandpa Matt was probably waiting downstairs already.

I tried to ward off the panic that was clawing its way up my chest, threatening to pull me under like it had the night before. There was so much to talk about, but I needed to hear it. I needed to bury my emotions so I could focus on what was being said.

20 more, Bailey.

Then you get up, and you go downstairs.

"Hey," Beckett asked, his voice deep and husky from sleep. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long," I answered softly, and my throat ached from the rasp. It was sore from all the crying I did yesterday, and I made a mental note to not allow it to get this bad again.

I could do this.

Go downstairs, Bailey.

"Do you uh," I paused, taking in his soft features. "Do you want to go downstairs with me?"

Please say yes.

Don't leave yet.

"Do you want me to?" He asked, lifting his hand to brush a stray hair from my face and placing it behind my ear.

"I do," I breathed. "But if you have to go home, I understand."

"Bailey, if you want me here, then I'm not leaving," he said, voice serious.

Feel your heartbeat, Bailey.

It's faint, but he's putting it there.

Beckett slowly stood from the bed then before stretching. His shirt rode up, and my eyes dropped to the sliver of skin that showed at his waistline before I forced my eyes back up to his. He smiled softly at me before extending his hand, and I took a deep breath before taking it and letting him lead me downstairs.

Hand in hand, we made it downstairs before rounding into the kitchen. I stopped short when I saw a familiar head of blonde hair sitting at the kitchen island.