"So what's up with the face?" I asked, sitting across from Louis. "Did your daddy cut off your money spending?"
"Really funny. Fuck you." I shrugged. "If it would make you feel better." I was judging based off of the scowl I'd gotten. It was a no.
"So then why the face? What the fuck is wrong?" He rolls his eyes. "Why do you need to know so bad? You wanna talk shit to everybody about that too?"
"What?" I fold my arms over. "What? You don't think I hear the shit you say about me?"
"I talk shit on everybody. But I haven't actually said anything about you. Not to anybody's face anyway." He didn't believe me. "Are you fucking kidding me? That's your excuse?"
"It's not an excuse. I'm serious. I can't find anything to talk shit on, who's told me I'm talking shit? I need to beat them up."
"Harry I heard you." Maybe I was crazy. "Did I say things in my sleep again? I'm pretty sure I stopped that when I was like- 17. What did I say?"
"You started talking about how I'm annoying and a people pleaser and you started talking about my looks and how I act. None of which were good."
"Oh that wasn't about you. I was talking about my homework. I think I accidentally did say your name but it was mid conversation with Tyler. He was asking me if I thought you were cute, it was really weird timing- I mean I said yes but like it was in the heat of the moment type thing- I was angry, stop smiling."
"You're serious?" I nod. "You think I'm cute and pretty- and fuckable. Oh my goodness. Living every girls dream."
"Hey I call you pretty to piss you off." He sighs. "You're not denying that I'm cute and fuckable though. Interesting no?"
"No that's actually not that interesting. You're actually just really pissing me off. Maybe I should talk shit about you- wait. Why did you get so mad about it? I thought you didn't care about what I think."
"I just don't enjoy being talked shit on." I pout. "Poor baby. But you're lying, why'd you get so pissed off about it?"
"Because it pissed me for that you were talking shit about me." I lean forward, watching him do the same. "You like me. Are you a boy kisser Louis? Because I don't judge."
"No. Fuck off. You're a boy kisser." I smile. "I'm not but whatever." He was talking, and talking. I didn't hear a word he said. I was sort of staring, he's very nice to stare at.
"Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" He grabs my face, my heart doing the same thing yet again. "No."
"Fuck sake. Can you listen to me, please?" I nod. I got most of what he was saying, it was about his work for college. I was still staring, which most people did, he wasn't ugly.
Quite the opposite actually. He was just really nice to look at. "Harry, is it true that you're throwing a party?" Kyle asked. "Who said I was?"
"Hero." I nod. "Then yes. I am." He sticks his thumbs up. "Great. Hi Louis."
My entire mood was ruined now. "Hi Nathan." Ew. "Okay. We're busy you can go now." That's the guy that he was with. That's the guy that stood him up. "See you tonight."
"Go away." He walks away, still smiling. "Why the frown Harry? You don't like him?" I was just about ready to smack the smile from his face. "No. He's weird."
**
Stumbling into the wall, Louis pushes me to the side. "Mate, pick yourself up. My god."
"You don't have to be such a dick about it you know." He scoffs. "Rich coming from you but whatever." I turned to look at whatever he was pouting at. Nathan dancing with annoy six girls surrounding him. "Pretty sure if you just say something to him he'll talk to you."
"Talk to who?" He asks. "Louis come on. I'm drunk but I'm not stupid." Holding the cig between my lips. I push myself off the wall. Watching his eyes follow. "He's not even all that good either. Aimee had sex with him and she said it was shit."
"I don't like him." God knows what was happening in my body but it was warm. It could've been the alcohol. "You don't?"
"No, why?" I was weak. I needed to leave. So I hid around the corner. Finishing my drink and then the other drink I'd had was gone after that. "What was that?" Louis laughed.
"What?" I hold out the cigarette but he'd passed quickly. "Why'd you just leave?"
"I wanted to smoke in peace." He stops in front of me. "You're lying. Why are you lying?"
"Who says I'm lying? I'm not lying. It's louder around there." He was smiling. His arms were folded. He was about to say something stupid.
"You're in denial." Stupid!
"About what?" He nods. "You know what. Come on Harry." He sighs. "You're being a smug little fucker. You know that?"
"No I'm fully aware. At least I'm not denying what I know." I laughed. "You don't know very much though do you. So there's not a lot you could deny."
"Funny. You're still in denial though." Throwing my cigarette into my cup. I set it down. "What is it that I'm denying exactly?" I asked, standing up. "Who even knows."
"You do, clearly." He shrugs. "I know what I know and you clearly don't know anything. I mean I'm not entirely sure how you don't know because it's so completely obvious. But whatever. I mean if you don't know then you don't know. It's a little funny though-"
He was talking, and talking. And the past couple days have been pissing me off, he was talking and talking, but all I could see was his lips moving.
I've never wanted to be the air so badly. I needed him to shut up, I just needed him to stop talking.
Then he stopped. My heart still racing with my eyes frantic.
He moved in closer. Pulling me down, his lips pressing against mine gently before he kissed me. My heart dropping with my shoulders.
His lips were soft, I hated it. His face was soft, I hated that too. He was gentle and I wasn't sure how to feel.
Pushing myself away, I felt my breathing pick up as I started to walk away. "Harry-"
"Please, please don't." I make my way through the crowd. "Hey, hey what's wrong?" Hero follows me out.
I'd stumbled my drunken self down to the beach. Falling into the sand trying to catch my breath. "Harry!? What's going on!?"
She kneels in front of me. The last year of my life suddenly rushing right back up.
She pulls me in for a hug and my eyes started to burn. "You're okay. Come on I'll walk you back to the dorms. Tyler and Louis can keep an eye on the place. Come on."
"No. No it's fine. I don't need your help." Pushing myself away, I trudged back over towards the pathway. "Harry you're not pushing me away. Not like this. Come on."
"What do you want? You want me to cry? Hm? You want me to tell you all my secrets? Leave me alone." She stops behind me. "Harry I-"
"I know, but I don't want it. I don't- I can't do this. Please just let me go alone." She nods. "Okay. That's okay. Just let me know that you got home okay. Yeah?"
"Whatever." I could still feel it, his hands, his lips, I could feel it in my chest.
That same urge I'd had a couple months ago was getting worse and I didn't know if I wanted it to stop. But I needed it to stop.
I didn't want to do this anymore. I just wanted to leave and go back to how it was. I wasn't even asking for anything big. I just wanted to be left alone again.
But I could smell it, that stupid fucking cologne. I felt sick.
I was stood pacing my room for what felt like hours. I had so many feelings going on that I wasn't used to. I didn't know what to do.
My first instinct was to call Louis, god knows why. I've never been in this position before.
I didn't like him, I don't- I don't like him. I just about tolerate him. He kissed me, I didn't even give him any signs that I wanted to be kissed.
I could technically- do nothing. I couldn't do anything, I kissed him back. "Fuck."
I had to bake something or I might just lose my mind and take somebody's life.
