I swear I do sometimes do a spellcheck but my college work is piling up higher than the fucking grass in my mums yard. I swear I'm trying. Scouts honour.
"My god you haven't changed at all." She grabs my face, pushing my head back. "Why am I here?" She hasn't spoken in years. I haven't heard her talk since she was nine, so having her answer me must've meant that he'd done something so far from good that even she was questioning him.
"Because, I wanted to kill you before father got the chance. Get you back for all those years you'd spent ruining my life."
"Ruining your life? You mean the years I'd spent getting every punch and kick from father because you were the golden child?" She slaps me across the face. "I'm so sick of you acting like some- broken child."
"Isadora I spent my entire life begging for you to come and save me. You stood on your fucking pedestal and watched me take it, you are his favourite, you have everything. You are everything he wanted."
"You know what you are? You're a fucking copy of everybody else, you are everything people are ashamed of. You are that awful little shadow that follows people around with all that baggage. You know that you could not be me and that's your problem, you cannot do what I do because then you would be named the bad guy and you refuse to take any fucking responsibility."
"What are you talking about? All I ever did was save you from him. You are where you are because of me. I know that I'm shallow and I'm irresponsible, I know that if you cut me open you'd find nothing. But I also know that I got you here, I gave you this, he tells you he's proud of you, you are wanted. He wanted you."
"My god! You don't think I know this!? You don't think I hate myself for it!? He is the worst man I know! He is evil and he is nothing but hatred! Yet I am his favourite! But at least when I fucking do something, it's new! And it's something. Everything you do is a of copy pasted fucking redone mess! A personal shadow they don't want! They know you by name but that is where it stops! Because you are exactly what they fear they might be!"
"What do you want from me? You want me to tell you that I feel sorry for you? You want me to apologise for giving you exactly what I wanted? Or would you rather me just drop to my knees and beg you to kill me? Because I've tried, a thousand times I've tried to fucking do it myself. And every time, every fucking time I've gotten so close to death, and I've fucking missed. So fucking kill me, at least when I'm dead I'll be remembered, when you die he'll find somebody new. You are replaceable, I am who he thinks of when he's choosing his fighters, because I am exactly what he doesn't want. There's a thousand of you at his door. There's one of me. I might be a copy of people self hatred, but you are exactly what people fear. You are your father's daughter, forever and always."
"You haven't thought about me in months Atlas. I thought you were going to save me. You said you would save me!" She presses the gun to my head, her tears welling up. "You're weak, Isadora. You hate that he loves you and he loves that you hate it. When you finally snap, all you will see is him, all you will find is you, following his every move like a puppet. The screaming, the killing, all those little memories you use to keep yourself from becoming that person, will be gone."
"Shut up!" Her hand was shaking, she'd dug his nails into her palm so hard that she'd started bleeding. "You chose to do this, you are choosing to do this. Why are you making this seem like something he wants? Why are you pushing all of this onto him? Why do you always let him win-"
"Because if I let him have this then I'm still a good person." I huff. "Which tells you what?"
"I can't do this." She moves the gun from my head, his arm moving up. "Isadora. Hey, woah, woah okay. Okay come on let's just- we can talk about this." Suddenly, every bad move she'd made became something I didn't even picture as an issue.
