Begin Again (Bucky Barnes)

12

Lily

I stretch out slightly on what can only be described as the softest mattress, I feel like I'm sleeping on top of a marshmallow.
The bedsheets feel luxurious as well and I'm not sure  I'm ready to go back to my old thin mattress and old thin duvet.

However I know I can't stay here any longer, poor James has already put up with us for two days I don't want us overstaying our welcome.

Eurgh I can't believe he saw me being sick I'm so embarrassed about it despite how nice he's been.

Also that kiss.
That's was beyond anything I've experienced before.

Holy fuck was I turned on.
My panties were beyond soaked and he was so close to discovering that.

Then of course I had to embarrassingly go and throw my guts up that was one way to instantly kill the mood.
Secretly I think a part of me is glad because I'm not sure I would've been able to stop what was happening and then he would've found out that I'm bad at sex.
Well according to ex I am bad and he is my only reference.

Wait would I have had sex with him?
Honestly I don't know my brain wasn't thinking at that point only my pussy was and she was screaming go for it.

I take a moment to think about the way I was moving my hips over his erection and holy fuck balls I remember he felt huge, but maybe I'm exaggerating it in my head.
John is also the only reference I have to penis size for a man but he felt bigger than John.

Slowly peeling my eyes open a slight disappointment washes over me when I notice he's not in the chair that he slept in the night before.
Why am I disappointed about that?
It's not like I sleep sexy I was probably all drool so it's actually probably best he's not there.

As I stretch reaching for the other side of the bed I'm expecting to feel Ruby next to me yet I'm met with just empty bed space.
I shoot up panicked but quickly notice the note on the night stand from James saying Ruby is with him.

She's gotten attached to James in such a short time and it messes with my emotions, it's super sweet to see but at the same time James could decide he's no longer interested in whatever this is between us and leave her life at any moment.

Then my little girl will have had another guy walk out of her life and I'm not sure I should take that risk.
I'm also surprised she didn't wake me like she usually does.
Did she go and wake James or was he already in the room like before?

Coming down yesterday and seeing the amount of stuff James brought for her made me sad that I can't provide for her like that, she looked so happy.

Which makes me think of her comment about a princess dress and doll for Christmas, I need to start saving more and I need to grow a pair and ask John for some money or at least tell him what she wants.

Who am I kidding I probably won't say a thing to him about it because it's not worth my breath or the argument it will probably cause.

I'm feeling better which means I need to get to work tonight having missed way too many shifts, I can't miss another I need the money.

It's rare I get time to myself so decide to take this opportunity and take my time to shower enjoying the hot water that is making me feel more human.

I thought about slipping my hand between my legs to relieve some of the built up tension from the kiss, but it's felt wrong since it's not my shower or bed.