Begin Again (Bucky Barnes)

17

Lily

I was pretty sure I've been living in a daydream for the that 48hours because surely that is the only explanation for the whirlwind I've experienced.
For four days I was convinced that I had finally scared away James, I mean I had a break down whilst we were getting intimate and then the guy literally fled the country what was a girl to think.

Okay it was for work but my mind didn't want to be rational, especially since he didn't say goodbye in person all I got was a text.

Did I cry about this during those four days I am ashamed to admit that I did have a couple of cries over him.
Then I came home Friday night after my shift to find him sleeping in my apartment waiting for me, which did scare the complete shit out of me.

He then apologised when he really didn't have anything to say sorry about, if he changed his mind that was okay but he insisted he hadn't and went on to tell me how amazing I am.
With his words ringing in my mind I felt like it was time to bare some of my demons.

I opened up and told him the words that John used to tell me about how I was never good enough and more and he told me how wrong my ex husband was and he was going to show me that.

Boy did he show me how wrong John was because holy fuck balls I had never experienced anything like that before.
It was the first time that I ever came from penetration, with John I faked my orgasms and even after a while I stopped doing that since he didn't actually care.

However with James it was mind blowing, toe curling and life altering all at once.
I thought I had died and gone to heaven and one of the bricks from the wall I had built around my heart crumbled.

Then waking up on Saturday wrapped in his arms was bliss that I didn't want to move from, he called me beautiful even though I still don't believe him about that.
More importantly he called me his and at those words another brick fell.

Watching him and Ruby enjoying breakfast together brought me so much joy it's hard to put into words and I wanted nothing more than to throw my pinafore down and join them.

He picked me up from work and was acting strangely and it made me nervous that something had happened and he didn't know how to tell me.
I was convinced he had changed his mind and he didn't want to take on the burden of a single parent and her young child.

It wasn't until we walked into my apartment and Ruby shouted surprise I realised why he had been quiet and my doubts silenced for the time being.

Happiness and anger flowed through me at his surprise as there was no way I could afford a bed like that, which definitely stood out in my crappy run down apartment.
James said it was a gift and that he got Mrs Jones one as well and when I saw Ruby's face when she proudly showed off her new princess airbed well another brick fell.

My emotions were still all over the place but the deep need to be close and connected with him drove the desire to test out the new bed.
I can definitely say we we put it through its paces and I can confirm it is one sturdy bed, five star rating from me.

Now I'm waking up Sunday wrapped in James's arm and I'm honestly so glad I don't have to get up for work.
I have the entire day off as they let me know yesterday that I wasn't needed at the bar as they had accidentally messed up the rotas.

As much as I need the money I'm glad to have the entire day to spend with Ruby and James since he already told me he had some surprise plans for us today.

Having James next to me is like my own personal water bottle and the thick pjs are no longer needed.
"God I love waking up with you in my arms" James sleepily says as he snuggles me closer to him.