Begin Again (Bucky Barnes)

19

Lily

Never in a million years did I think I would spend thanksgiving in a house in the Hamptons, it was both amazing and overwhelming.
Can I really fit into James's world?

It was my first thanksgiving since meeting John where I didn't have to lift a finger and it felt beyond strange.
I found myself naturally wanting to help out but when I started trying to clear the table or began doing the washing up I was told off like I was doing something naughty.

James, Nat and Clint told me I was a guest and I just needed to relax and enjoy myself.
Definitely a new experience.

Ruby had the time of her life and even ended up having a sleepover in Lila's room, which meant I was able to have a secret sleepover with James.
Not that we actually got much sleep and thank god he had the room furthest from everyone.

Now Thanksgiving is over and the city is preparing for Christmas, despite the cold it's my favourite time of year I love seeing all the decorations around the city.
New York feels magical at this time of year.

The hotel is in full preparation mode for their Christmas display which was to be switched on at the end of this week.
I'm looking forward to taking Ruby to the official light switch on and hope to make it magical for her, James has naturally offered to accompany us to which my response is fine as long as we keep it professional for now in front of work colleagues.

There's also the fact we haven't told Ruby about us yet and I'm not sure when to tell her. Is there a book I can read for dating while a single parent because I could use the help. Do I feel like I'm lying to my three year old? Yes! But do I also feel like I'm trying to protect my daughter?
Also yes!

Not only am I worrying about that, I'm also worrying about this being our first Christmas away from John. Ruby keeps asking when she's going to see daddy and I don't know what to say, my last few texts to him have gone unanswered.

Selfish prick!

Might as well try again.

Ruby has been asking when she is going to her daddy, she misses you. Let me know when you want to see her.

This time maybe the guilt card will make him respond, although I'm not holding my breath.

I check my emails as I walk from dropping Ruby off to the hotel, I insisted to Hank I was okay to walk the distance since I needed to burn off the thanksgiving feast. Eventually he accepted I wasn't getting back into the car and James wasn't there to force it as he had an early morning as he had to fly to Chicago for business.

An email about last day of pre school sits in my inbox, how is it my brain didn't even compute that Ruby's not going to have childcare over Christmas!

Fuck!

I've agreed to so many shifts both at the bar and the hotel, in hope that Mrs Jones wouldn't mind having Ruby in the evenings.
Now I'm panicking.
It's not fair to ask Mrs Jones to have Ruby all day everyday even if I know she would do it in a heartbeat.

Grabbing my phone I quickly look up babysitters, yeah that's not an option I can afford.
The walk to the hotel goes quickly as I'm racking my brain for solutions, I barely register the cold.

A new winter coat for Ruby is on the top of my list of things I need to buy as soon as possible, I also need one but mines going to have to do for now I can just layer up more.

My heads still spinning trying to think of babysitting arrangements as I walk into the hotel only for my mood to take a turn for the worse when I get a response from John.