Begin Again (Bucky Barnes)

15

James

This week has been crazy and I've not seen Lily since Monday morning because me and Steve had to fly out to Paris for last minute emergency meetings about the hotel and then we had to fly into London for a day of meetings.

I miss her.

This whole situation is new to me, I've never felt this way about someone before and it's kinda scary.
I thought I could just fuck Lily out of my system but the more time I've spent with her the more I realise that's not true.

When she was crying in my arms my heart physically hurt seeing her like that but I also felt murderous towards her no good piece of shit ex.
Whatever he said has clearly messed with her and I want to do everything I can do undo the damage.

The video she sent me of Ruby dancing around with the bouquet of flowers I gifted her made me laugh and smile that I was able to put a smile on her face.
Ruby is such an adorable little girl I'm struggling to fathom why her own father wants nothing to do with her.

With the time differences and both of us working me and Lily haven't really text much this week either which for some reason puts on me slightly on edge.

I was also beyond pissed to have to find out from Sam that she's moved back to her apartment, I wondered why she never text me to tell me.
The thought of them in that apartment just doesn't sit right with me, it's not what I would call a habitable living.

That reminds me I need to look up who owns the block, maybe I can buy it from them.
I could possibly re-home everyone while I knocked the building down and built something that's actually liveable but yet still affordable to the tenants.

It pains me to admit that I've never truly considered how much of a privileged life I lead, but it wasn't always that way me and Steve worked hard for everything we have.
But when I think of a Lily and her circumstances I realise that my life could have possibly gone the other way.

So many people are like her where circumstances changes their paths and they end somewhere they thought they would never be.

She has a degree from one of the best universities.
I now suddenly realise we haven't really talked much about our pasts and I want that to change.
Despite the fact I don't particularly like talking about my past, I know in order for me to find out everything about Lily she needs to know everything about me.

I make another mental note to look into charities for helping the underprivileged, we do a lot of charity work but maybe not enough for our actual local community.
Not that I think Lily is charity at all.

"Buck?" Steve says snapping me from my thoughts.
"Hmm?" I ask shaking my head.

"You were miles away. You've been off all week is everything okay? Is this something to do with the waitress you've been spending time with?" He asks concerned.

"First of all her name is Lily" I correct him as it annoys me when he calls her a waitress since she's so much more than that.

"Apologies" he says slightly sarcastically.
"I really like her" I finally admit out loud to my best friend letting out a sigh and running my hand through my hair.

"Wow New York's most eligible bachelor is now pussy whipped" he teases.
"Okay and we are done talking about this" I roll my eyes at him.
Why did I think opening up to him was ever a good idea?