Stray Kids Oneshots Collection (Smut & Fluff)

33 ¦ Heather

Ship: Felix / Bang Chan

Words: 802

Summary: Felix's raw emotions as he sees his crush again - with someone else.

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Snow gathers on his shoes while he walks up the hill. Felix shakes it off as he comes to halt, then he continues stomping through the dark evening of December.

He sighs out and evaporated air exits his mouth. Felix is tired, but yet he went out for a walk.

There, behind a tree and a few bushes, he waits. Waits for the moment of truth to appear in front of him.

He is scared; fears to see the worst. Rumours say Chan is dating someone, and Felix worries that it's true. He fears witnessing his own heart getting shattered.

But in such a moment, he can't help but remember the first time he had met Chan.

"Hi" someone greeted, but the sun was blinding the view in front of him. Felix put a hand in front of his forehead, and finally saw a man already waving at him.

"I heard you're supposed to be my project partner - Felix - is that right?" he guessed, and Felix felt his heart skip for a moment. What a beautiful man he is, he thought.

"Oh yeah, that's me, what is your name?" he shifts a little so that there is enough space for the taller to sit on the bench.

"Chan" he smiles and freezes for a moment, as if he wanted to memorize Felix's features in a graphic safe.

And Felix couldn't help but to do the same, or pretty much every time he met up with him. He was just 17 at that time, but his heart was so new to all of this and so, so, addicted to this feeling.

The blonde comes back to reality as he hears some voices. And fuck, everything comes too soon.

It happens very quickly too: He sees a familiar figure - Chan - walking towards someone else on the sidewalk. Chan is meeting up with someone, and Felix doesn't know who they are.

Felix feels his heart sinking as Chan hugs the person so warmly. Full of affection and with so much kindness Chan always has to offer. Instead, it makes Felix feel so cold suddenly.

Chan lifts the person's chin and holds it by their cheek – initiating the kiss. Their lips press together and nothing else happens for a few seconds.

Felix covers his face – he should have known. His crush of 5 years has obviously been dating someone. His heart begins to crack, it hurts, it pains so damn much.

His legs feel like giving out as he crouches down. He hears himself gasping out a loud sob, but he doubts anyone would hear him. Chan is in his own world anyway and happy with someone else.

Felix doesn't understand why it's not him, why he can't just be the lucky person to be Chan's. To get loved by someone as hard as he loves.

He covers his mouth to be silent. Tears escape his eyes and spill over his cheeks. He mentally can't do this. It's just a crush, people would say, but oh; it is so much more.

Chan is beautiful but his hugs feel amazing. Chan's smile is pretty, but his voice tastes like honey. Chan is so nice, but he repairs hearts like no one else does.

Looks and visuals are everywhere to find – maybe even replaceable. But Chan isn't, Chan is just one. No one else is Chan, nobody feels like him, looks like him, and reminds of him.

And it's so unfair, because everyone has someone, everyone has silly little problems besides Felix.

Felix wants to scream, wants to rip himself and wants to stop his emotions. His entire body shakes through as he continues to cry silently, his mouth gasps for air but nothing comes out. He feels the burning sensation of a knife cutting through the blood vessels of his heart. Is this how it would feel like? Or worse?

It is so difficult to contain the love for someone, to not spill it over the edge yet. To be able to like someone that doesn't even acknowledge you. Wanting to care for someone you like so much but simply can't, because it is just that. Felix would do everything but yet - can't do anything.

He realizes so many things in that moment, and realizes it will be so hard to get over Chan. Or to stop thinking he could have a chance. What if he starts to compare his future crushes to Chan? What if he will loves less; what if he can't get to love anyone else as much as he does for Chan?

It's cold, freezing cold, and Felix's hands start to feel numb. He gives up; he doesn't want to feel anymore. Maybe he should have done this sooner.

Youth is so hard, and yet he has to live so many more years. How?