Captain's Dominion (Raiden Mei X Fem Reader)

Chapter 1: Doubts

[Y/n's PoV]

It had been a long day, and all that frustration from earlier was still there at the back of my mind. I leaned back in my chair, breathing heavily as my thoughts kept going back to my recent meeting with Mei and Bronya.

Despite my best attempts to remain detached, their words and actions had clearly gotten to me and were still weighing heavily on my heart.

"Tch."

I kept trying to push away that lingering frustration, but it kept coming back, like a thorn that was buried within me and wouldn't let go. Despite all my attempts to suppress it, the anger kept growing. I just needed a way to vent out this frustration.

"Captain."

I looked back and saw Fu Hua standing there in front of me.

Her presence was a welcome distraction from the growing frustration I was feeling. That said, her sudden appearance also caught me off guard.

"Fu Hua... Do you need help with something?"

Fu Hua only shakes her head and gestures to my chair.

"No, Captain. I just came by to check on you. I saw you sitting there looking frustrated, and I wanted to see if you needed anything."

Ah, I see... So she was only concerned...

I just smile at her a little.

"I'm fine... It just that Mei and Bronya decided to left Schicksal." I said to her.

"...Yes, I was just informed about that earlier..." Fu Hua pauses for a moment before continuing.

"May I ask... how do you feel about their decision?"

"...."

Honestly? It can be an excruciating and agonizing experience when they decide to leave Schicksal. They were a significant part of my life, providing comfort and happiness during some of my most difficult times, especially Mei. Her presence brought positivity and light to my life. It's hard to admit it, but I feel a void inside me that can be difficult to deal with.

I feel so lost, like a part of me was missing. It's like the sun suddenly disappeared after being there for my entire life, leaving me feeling cold and alone in the darkness.

"...Captain?"

Fu Hua's own voice made me snapped put of my thoughts and only looked at her indifferently.

"Ah, sorry... It was just... quite sudden, that's all."

This made Fu Hua nodd her head.

"It was sudden, indeed. They gave me very little notice of their plans as well. Is that really all you feel about it though?" Fu Hua's expression remains stoic, awaiting for my response.

"...."

...

...

...Mei...

....
....

It's clear that I was feeling something more than just suddenness. The grief is starting to overwhelm me so much.

"This is difficult for you?" Fu Hua asked again.

"...."

"I see..."

Fu Hua notices how stiff and emotionless I was being, despite the clear signs of sadness I was trying to hide. Fu Hua knows me too well; she knows that this is just a facade and that deep down I was struggling.

"Mei, she..."

"Enough, Fu Hua..." I whispered quietly.

Fu Hua pauses before giving me a solemn nod, clearly not deciding to push the topic further.

"Very well. I know when to stop, Captain."

Fu Hua then turns her attention to the window, looking out at the sky. I know that she too is clearly upset, but she remains silent and doesn't say anything else.

"*Sigh* I'm sorry, but you already know what I'm feeling towards all of this right now. And I just... want to be alone for a while..."

Fu Hua nods again in understanding.

"Of course, Captain. I'll leave now. Feel free to reach out if you need anything, okay?"

"Thank you."

Fu Hua bows her head in respect one last time before turning to leave, closing the door behind her.

I merely sit back from my chair and stare at the door. I had already told Fu Hua to leave me alone, and yet I feel like I still had so many words left unsaid. Despite my earlier declaration, it was clear that I had not actually finished processing my feelings. I was still trying to push those feelings aside and hold them back.

"Kiana... How would you even deal with this kind of situation if Mei and Bronya were to leave you like this as well?"

The fact that I was now thinking about Kiana only made the pain grow stronger by the second. Kiana had lost so much already, and now she would lose another person she cared so dearly about.

"I... Kiana would be devastated. Mei means so much to her, and she would be lost without her. But..."

I sighed and just banged my head on the table.

"...Kiana is strong enough to get through this. She would also be heartbroken and devastated, of course, but she would find a way to push forward. She always does. I... however..."

"How distasteful for their captain to see me in this state... A disgrace, some would say."

I could sense the irony in my words, but that didn't change how I felt about the situation. I hadn't actually begun to process what I was feeling, and I had simply put up a wall for those emotions.

If a random stranger or even an enemy saw me like this, they would probably look down on me with disgust because of my weakness. And yet, if Mei saw how much this had affected me, how much I was struggling... what do I think she would say to me?

"...."

...

....

I struggled to think of an answer, and I knew that nothing I could say would make it any better. Mei would be disappointed in how cowardly I had become. Perhaps she would be worried about me and wish to be there for me, but I wouldn't let her. I wouldn't let anyone else in.

"Himeko... why did you leave us so early?"

Himeko was another one of the many people I lost, but her memory brought a different set of feelings. As the teacher of the squad, she was also my mentor and one of the main people I could always rely on for support and guidance. And yet, she was taken away from me.

Why did she leave..? Why did she have to leave when they needed her the most?

"Maybe I was never meant to be a Captain in the first place..."

I had made it this far, and yet I continued to doubt myself. It didn't make any sense; I had been the one to step up and take charge when no one else would during the Honkai Eruption. I had led Schicksal as the one and only Captain for so long now.

"Then who was ever meant to be a Captain if it wasn't me?"

My mind was now flooded with thoughts and negative emotions. The frustration, doubt, and sadness that I felt before had only increased in intensity. I wanted to just curl up and bury my head under a blanket so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

What happened to that strong, confident young woman I used to know? Where did she go?

I just sighed once more as I got up from my seat and decided to head outside.