WINDS OF SNOW ☆ KIMCHAY AU

16. What's Left Unsaid

Porchay keeps thinking about him. That's probably one of only two things repeating in Kimhan's mind right now. The second is the fact that all Kimhan needs to do to kiss his husband again is to lean in less than a couple of centimetres. Just a little bit—

"Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness... the breakfast you ordered," the maid's voice strikes like lightning forcing a distance between the royal husbands again.

Porchay sits down again and takes his attention away from Kimhan, focusing it on the maid and his breakfast instead. "Thank you. Did you have breakfast today?"

The maid looks surprised by Porchay's question at first but then she slowly shakes her head and replies, "no, Your Royal Highness, not yet."

"Then take a break from your duties and have breakfast first," Porchay encouragingly smiles at her.

"B-but... I..." the maid looks helplessly at Kimhan, unsure what she should do.

"Your king told you that you should have breakfast so, that means that you should go and have breakfast, doesn't it?" Kimhan speaks up, immediately earning Porchay's attention back.

'Your king'? What is he talking about? Porchay really doubts that Kimhan would treat him as an equal in position and power in front of his subjects or anyone at all.

"Oh," the maid lets out a quiet gasp and quickly turns fully back to Porchay and bows down. "My deepest apologies, Your Royal Highness, I'll go have my breakfast right now!" After that, she quickly backs away from the dining hall and Porchay no longer has a convenient reason not to look at Kimhan again. So, reluctantly, he does with one question on his lips.

"Why did you refer to me as a king? We both know that will never be my status here."

"That's not true," Kimhan says. "It is your status here. You are my husband. So you are their king as well. I thought that we are now finally on the same page, aren't we? I told you how I wish for our relationship to continue. That means you have the same rights in this kingdom as I do. Husbands, Porchay, remember that. I'll do everything I can to make you understand that I'm serious about us. As long as I am the king of this kingdom you are the king with me."

"Why? What will you gain for yourself by doing that? I can't give you the same status in my kingdom. I'm not the king there. You know that," Porchay tries to reason with Kimhan. Tries to find where's the catch, but he can't seem to see it.

"I already told you—your trust, hopefully, an affection, maybe even more," Kimhan says softly, patiently... he reaches out towards Porchay, fingers ghosting over Porchay's lips and then his neck, lingering there for a moment... "God, Porchay," Kimhan groans, "this isn't the way I thought I would feel about you after we get married."

"How," Porchay whispers... afraid to ask any louder, "how do you feel about me?"

"Yearning... I yearn for you, little flower," Kimhan says loud and clear, shaking Porchay's world with every letter that leaves his mouth. "Affection—you keep melting that frozen heart you claim I have. Admiration—I already told you that, I think you are the strongest person I know. I wish I could be at least half as strong as you are, little flower. Respect—I know that it's hard to believe this because of the way I used to treat you. And you don't have to believe me, but I do respect you. And I also like you more than I thought I would. I always hoped that somehow we would find our way to each other eventually. I even hoped that we would like each other enough to enjoy being in each other's lives, but I've never imagined myself looking forward to spending every second I can with you or to thank heaves for every smile you are willing to give me. But that's exactly what is happening. This is how I feel about you, Porchay. If you now wish to stomp all over my feelings, do it. After all, that's all I deserve from you."