Was your heart just meant to break?

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by zerooooo_life

by zerooooo_life

I was so tired today, not because I slept at a friends or because I woke up early than normal I was just drained. I wanted to bash my math teachers head in too, for some reason everything he said pissed me off. I also woke up feeling sick, don't know why but I did. I was planning to go bed earlier than normal that didn't really work out.

I've realized I've based my life off a schedule.

Go to school
Come home
Scream in my pillow
Take dog out
Practice volleyball
Lay in bed for 10 minutes
Study and do homework
Clean my room
Take my dog out
Eat dinner
Work out
Take dog out
Turn on tv and relax
Sleep

This is why I think I've been getting better mental health wise. I've had more motivation. But I can never tell if I'm getting better or distracting myself.

Every time I tell myself I'm getting better I burn out and go into a hole, I just want to fall in a hole honestly. I'm tired.

Today was a good day, I didn't really have any issues about it.

I'm probably gonna go to bed after I post this or watch YouTube. I need to just go bed. I plan to wake up at 6:30 so I can do my skin care and just get ready without stressing. But I also feel like I should just let myself sleep in.

I planned on showering but I just took a bath I was too lazy to shower.

My head hurts.

Why do I like him? I was sat next to him in S.S. and then I started crushing on him? Wtf is wrong with me. He's a player to, a man whore, and 100% not interested in me. Even though I am. I don't want a relationship right now but I do at the same time. This is so fucked. I can't help it and I've been trying to tell myself to just stop liking him because there's no point, I 100% will never ever be a thought in his head. I hate this.