Maggots are eating at my brain

Maybe im just being greedy and destined to be alone

I don't want school to end. I don't want to go to high school and most likely never really see my friends. It bothers me. I like going to school and interacting with people. I don't want to be stuck in my house, where I most likely won't be able to leave as much as I want to. I was excited for summer but now I'm just dreading it. My schedule this summer is also gonna be so busy. No one in my friend group is going to mount alimpas, I thought it could have been fun. I'm gonna be hanging out with other people I talk to but still.

The volleyball was good but also horrible. I didn't go for a ball and got yelled at ik it wasn't meant in any harm but it upset me. I didn't know if someone else was gonna get the ball or not so I decided not to go for it. And playing in a onsie and in front of the whole school was scary. I didn't really like it but I also did.

There are something's I don't like doing in the moment. And if I don't wanna do it I'm not gonna do it. I also just didn't feel like letting anyone else do it.

I've been told to kms 3 times the past two days. I get it when some people say it as a joke but when people say it and sound like they mean it is another thing.

I'm tired, my legs and feet hurt.

I feel like next year I might not even be in my friend group. They all might have lunch together and I might not have it with any of them. The more the year goes on the more it feels like I'm getting distanced. I had zero class's with the people I wanted classes with this year. Next year I have no idea what it's gonna look like. I don't want to be excluded, and I don't think it's on purpose but also I don't know what to do about it. There are something's I want to do with my friends that they don't want to do. Like dances I like them cause I get to socialize with people. The activity's for the end of the year I'm trying to take in. And I don't really get to do it with the people I really want to. But it's not like they can change it. It just upsets me sometimes.

I'm losing my voice.

I think I'm having a depressive episode. I get them at random they last for like maybe a day or a week, normally it's not noticeable if I'm with other people. Well big groups of people at least.