Maggots are eating at my brain

I have no idea why

I found out shae is gonna be living with me 24/7 now. She's only leaving once this week. Honestly I think I'll go insane not from her but from myself. I won't have time to myself and I won't be able to call certain people.

I also just relapsed. I don't know why. I was just sitting and bed and just had the urge. I tried looking for my blade but it wasn't were I had it or anywhere else I would have it so I just grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went into the bathroom.

I want to dye my hair brown. But I can't.

I'm sick of people. I need a fucking break.

I really don't know what to do. I just want to be left alone. But honestly shae has been leaving the room for a good period of time everyday so it's not as bad as it could be but I'm still slightly going crazy.