Maggots are eating at my brain

Im gona keep dancing at my pink pony club

Oh god what have you done -Chappell roan

This story is gonna definitely be the reason our friend group falls apart. That's a fact. I feel that there is no way to fully make up for this. There is definitely a healthier way that this could have been handled. You didn't have to post it. You could have wrote it and drafted it. You could have came back to it once you've cooled down.

Instead you wrote it out of anger and didn't reread it or wait. Your whole story is something that had to be communicated in person, rather than over phone like a petty break up text.

No one ever told you to pretend like your okay we started posting to vent and communicate in the first place so why try to change what we used this for. Yes it's good to post about good things but we did this whole thing to get things off our chest and to communicate. Yes, trying to be positive is good but you pretending like your okay and like your life is all sun shine and fucking rainbows is only making it worse for yourself and the people around you. YOU LYING TO YOURSELF IS MAKING IT FUCKING WORSE.

Yes your life is a mess. You are a mess. You are doing and saying things that are messing others up. It is probably a nightmare and no you don't tell anyone about it. And it's NOT sparing anyone's feelings, if anything it's doing the exact opposite. Look at what it has caused you to say. Look at the consequences you will have to face. I have said you can come to me, but you haven't. You joke. You also make it very fucking clear you don't want to talk about it. I'm also not close enough to you for me to know enough to give you advice.

You don't treat us good enough, you're right. But I along with everyone else can understand why because you are going through shit. A eating disorder isn't something you can just give someone advice about. It's a mental battle that Leah has to go through. It's something she can only open up about and all you can do is listen. It's not that she's not listening it's that you don't understand it's not something she can fix with a little advice. We do care if you try, I do. The best you can do is try sometimes. But trying at least has a little change that comes with it.

I always take in consideration of what you say but I am not close enough to you to try and be there for you in such a time especially because I saw it a day of two later, after it was already handled (your suicidal story). I did bat an eye actually. It's actually like I actually give a fuck but I know I have no place in it. I should have said something but just because I didn't doesn't mean I don't care. If Lee is someone you can go to for this type of stuff then go to him. He's obviously someone you can depend on in moments like this. Like how when I start seeing things or hearing things I depend on Mia. Because I don't trust anyone else to help me through that. We do show we care. But to be honest how exactly do you want us to show that. You haven't communicated that. You haven't said can you please be there for me. I am not close enough to you. I can't just assume what you need. I'm not a fucking mind reader. I do care I really do but I do fully believe in treating people how they treat me but you only give me logic or jokes. And when you talk about certain things I don't know how to help you with it so I don't say anything. Why? BECAUSE THERE ISNT ANYTHING I CAN SAY.

At this point if it is that bad you should admit yourself into a mental hospital. If that's how bad you feel it is then do it. Or murder your father and go to prison. Or don't do either and probably just continue to pick at yourself till you rot away and kill everyone and everything around you. Nobody understands? I have thought about killing certain people so many times to the point that I actually had my hands on them. But you didn't know that because I didn't tell you. THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO ONE UP YOU THIS IS ME TRYING TO RELATE.

Your life is a fucking nightmare and I have never tried to purposely tried to one up you. But you know what would be a good thing to do when you feel like this? Maybe tell the person. Wow isn't that some fucking rocket science. Maybe communicate is key. And maybe doing it before your fucking explode is even better. After I rant I've never felt like I have the worse life in the world. You know the phases, my life could be better and my life could be worse goes both ways.