𝐒𝐈𝐘𝐀~𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄

9~DATE ME'

Only you can make me'

🎶Mene tere liy

I added some more thousand words as I promised you guys for you all you can read like it too, so that I can feel a little bit of happiness.

It's been two days about the nightmare thing and I still did not recover from it. Actually I was still in my past, giving all of my energy to myself so that I could save my motionless figure from that bed. But it was never enough.

College is doing fine, Verena is back to her active mode, meanwhile Avii is doing good too, by taking care of me and I know in mid night he checked upon me more than it needed.

But there is a little change in his behaviour like he's restless. And I know what it is, because it's me who can give her all the answers. And I couldn't do that. If I really wanted to..... I would have been told them already. My insecurities are engulfed and covered me, in her darkness.

It's just such a traumatic experience and I'm really ashamed of myself, how I've failed.

I wanted to tell him when I saw him after the incident in the hospital but I couldn't make it. I've lost all of my courage back then.

There is a fear of not understanding, getting blamed and called by names. I already lost Avyukth as a friend then but I really did not want him to know that I'm no longer his pure soul, that I'm tainted now and most probably broken now.

When I was in college I realised that you should not trust the person so easily, because they came to you just to use you for their fun.
You became the sole reason for their entertainment. While you break every time.

I didn't sleep in two days as I was afraid, I got another nightmare shot. I was studying when I saw Avyukth came to check on me. And I slept, my back facing the door so whenever he came he thought I was falling asleep but I didn't.

I never wanted it to come in front of anyone. My family does not know anything about my sleeping pills and panic attacks because they were never there or I never mentioned.

Something is changing now, I want to live freely like any other person.
Without any nightmares.
Without any anxiety.
Without any insecurities.

Maybe I'm too selfish now, maybe because of Avii I got him back a little I guess. And I would do anything to keep it like this. Little one'. his little one and I want it to remain like that too.

"Little one"...Avii came to my view, he's back from his office but it's early for his arrival.

I am sitting in a living room on a couch which is my favourite, because it's in the corner. I always used to find a space in the corner just for myself, I made that corner my peace wali space.

He came and sat beside me. His tousled hairs falling on his forehead and I find it hot, I want to caress his hair.

"How's your college going?" He asked looking at me finding I'm looking at him too.