𝘿𝙍𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 - Max Mayfield

boys don't cry

Set between season 3 and 4. No breakup AU.

Aiden got up with a start, his hand immediately on his chest as he tried to breathe, but felt like there was a hand wrapped around his neck. His eyes darted around as they tried to adjust to the dimness in the room, his chest felt as tight as his throat and he couldn't feel his arms.

"Hey"

Aiden jumped a little at the sudden voice, immediately whipping his head to his left to see Max looking at him, half sleepy but still worried. She must've woken up from hearing him move.

"Are you okay?"

Aiden shook his head immediately, still trying to get himself to breathe properly as he swallowed the lump in his throat. It was just another panic attack... He had these often and they always felt like hell but he survived. He didn't need to bother Max with this but he couldn't even get words out right now and even if he could, Max would be stubborn anyway.

"Breathe, hon...  slow, deep breaths" Max gently rubbed his back. The boy slowly did as she said, breathing in and out as slowly as he could. Within a few minutes, he'd calmed down enough and just sat still. Despite the room's lighting, Max could see Aiden pretty well. She noticed that despite him being somewhat calm, something was still off: his lips were pursed together,his eyes were closed.. and his throat moved constantly.

He was trying not to cry.

In the months they'd been together and since she'd even known him to begin with, Max had seen enough to know that Aiden was pretty sensitive. But she'd never seen him cry. He always just tried to either endure his feelings or shake them off as much as he could.

"Aiden..." Max whispered as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You don't have to hold it in"

As he tried to keep himself under control, all that flooded Aiden's thoughts were the three words he'd been told for as long as he could remember..

Boys don't cry.

That's what his father had literally hammered into him. He'd come home once, crying over being laughed at in class and physically bullied not long after. His dad's response had been to take off his belt and teach his first born son about "endurance".

"I'm not raising any pansies in my house. Boys don't cry!"

Those three words were repeated as many times as the belt came in contact with Aiden's ass. It went on for so long that eventually he stopped feeling the pain and could only hear his father chant over and over...

Boys don't cry.

And he never willingly let himself cry ever since. And when he did, he made sure he was alone and out of anyone's sight and earshot.

When Kyle's funeral was over, Aiden had quietly cried his little heart out under the covers that night, covering his mouth as much as he could.

He never wanted to let anyone see him cry again. No matter how much it hurts.

"Honey, look at me" Max turned his head towards her, cupping his cheeks. "Do you wanna cry?"

The light skinned boy looked at her for a second. The eyes in front of him weren't the hard brown ones that judged everything he did. That ridiculed him for having emotions...

Max's eyes were gentle and looking at her told him he was safe. He wasn't with his dad anymore and he was never going to be there again.

He then heard Max say something he'd needed to hear for a long time.

"It's okay to cry.." she spoke in a whisper. "you can let yourself fall apart.. I'll be right here to put you together"

He immediately buried his face in her shoulder and for the first time, Aiden let himself cry, letting out the most painful sounding sobs Max had heard in the process. As she strokes his curls, the ginger knew it wasn't just the aftereffects of the panic attack. He was scared, confused, sad.. Aiden was letting out as much as he'd built up.

They stayed that way for at least 20 minutes before Aiden's sobs slowly reduced to whimpers. Max slowly rubbed his back and soon enough, he was asleep again. His grip on her had loosened but he still held on to her somewhat tight. And Max didn't mind at all.. he'd always made her feel safe and she intended to do the same thing for him. She may have sacrificed her own sleep that night but it was well worth it.

"You're safe now, baby..." Max whispered, even though he most likely couldn't hear. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise..."

__________

A/N: it's hella short but I think I got the point across.