The silence of the bedroom was punctuated by heaving breaths making strenuous effort to pull oxygen into overwhelmed bodies, the occasional kiss and then chuckles as they both came back to themselves "what was it you wanted to show me?" Anna enquired innocently "my record collection" he said hoarsely after a minute "I'm sorry Baby" he managed she laughed out loud "Bjorn you are still on top of me, I'm still wrapped around you. Do I feel sorry to you? This is the normal I talk of all the time. It isn't just your fantasy, it's mine as well. I could never have imagined that we'd get to do this, not even when I was poorly. You want me and we're here, it's all I could ever ask" his forehead met hers "Of course I want you, christ I'm 73 Baby and I couldn't even wait to get undressed." He kissed her calmly and she felt the love pouring out of him "I didn't even get my shirt off" he mumbled "I didn't get my jacket off" she retorted, he made to pull away but she clamped with arms, legs and every other part of her "don't you dare!" she ordered "stay with me" he subsided "I don't want to move" he admitted "but surely I'm heavy" " it's the best kind of heavy, I've always loved it, I don't like it when you go" he let her take his full weight for a moment while he got settled then rolled them gently to the side and hooked her leg up on his hip, tugging her closer so he could stay as long as possible "better?" he asked "I was fine the other way but this is lovely too" and she snuggled. There was a long silence then Bjorn said "this is everything, we've come full circle baby. What a life we've had, what a life we have. I'm excited to see what will come and know that we'll be together. We will marry, we will see our family grow. We will know them all. ABBA will sing once more. Oh baby I can't wait for life, there's so much more for us" "You sound like we have decades in front of us Bjorn" she said softly "we are old" "we have an eternity baby" he told her with certainty "I thought you'd lost your faith" she wondered and he smiled "I still have faith in us" he shifted and she felt him beginning to harden inside her "besides if we can still do this there must be life in us yet wouldn't you say?" she chuckled gently "I'd say we're abnormal, I'd say at 68 I should need help to be like this. I'd say the majority of men your age would need a lot of help" " and yet we don't and I think we're better than first time round" he said "perhaps" she allowed "are you complaining?" he enquired as he started to move "oh no, never, never" he delighted in the hitch he could hear in her voice "that's good then" and he moved more deliberately. He was treated to Nordic blue fire as she focused on him and he read all that she hadn't said so he shifted until she was on top "take it all off Anna, you know you want to and then you can take me with you" he gave her balance and then free rein. Her trust in him never faltered and she became the woman that only he had ever seen.
Much later when they were picking up the clothes that were scattered far and wide across the bedroom to Bjorn's delight and Anna's gentle embarrassment she suddenly sat on the bed and said "you're right you know, I have come a long way. Last time I was in this bed I was throwing up all over you. I could barely walk and yet here I am" "Yet here you are" Bjorn agreed softly "imagine what else we are capable of, look what we've done already baby" It surprised him when she suddenly burst into tears but it all became clear to him when she said "what if you didn't come back? what if you had believed what I told you? what if you had taken what I said at face value? What if you didn't come for me like you promised? I wouldn't have survived because I'm a coward" she sniffed inelegantly "what if I hadn't met Linda at the cafe? What if you hadn't fallen asleep on me? What if you hadn't made me coffee? what if you hadn't made me lasagne? What if you hadn't fought through chemo and come to find me here because Christian told you I was ill? A promise is a promise, I always would have come for you, I just wish it had been 35 years earlier. We both had a lot of what if's Anna baby but we here now for a reason, we were always supposed to be and anyone less cowardly I've yet to meet" she sniffed again and wiped her eyes "when you put it like that its amazing isn't it, maybe you're right perhaps we were always meant to be"
They finished tidying and Anna, barefoot in a shirt took her sweet time reacquainting herself with Vallentuna and when Bjorn came upon her in the kitchen making coffee he had to stop and stare for a while leaning on the doorframe "I love that you're here baby, i love that you feel safe here. I love it that it's ours again" he wandered over and kissed her. "It's wonderful Bjorn, I'm so lucky that you have it, it's lovely to be here. I love Ekero but that is for us and our family, it's getting big our family so we need Ekero but this is where we get to be us, just Bjorn and Anna and when Benny and Frida come it'll be just for us four. Is that what you have planned?" "I didn't plan it baby, I'm just a lucky old bastard" he admitted. He sipped at the coffee she gave him "it is the only place that has always been my home, it's where my heart has been happiest, now I'm happy wherever you are but this has been my Ekero you know? My safe place. Lidingo came up for sale once but I can't face the memories there, I couldn't face reliving our last days so I let it go. This is where we were happiest" he gave her a lopsided smile " yes we were" Anna agreed softly "before the world went crazy, before I went crazy" she smiled "let's enjoy it all hmm? You've given me more freedom than I've had since we divorced" she sighed "isn't hindsight a cruel mistress? Everyone thinks divorce is freedom, instead our divorce put me in a prison of my own making and I think it was the same for you. You make me brave and give me my freedom, even if I'm barricaded in Ekero you make me free."
He scooped her up" legs Anna" and she locked her legs around his waist in time honoured fashion "eyes Anna" and she met his stormy ones "that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, divorce didn't work for us did it?" she shook her head no "marry me soon, what are we waiting for?" he asked "you to change your mind and realise I'm still a bad bet" Anna said half honestly "that'll never happen, what else are we waiting for?" "Your girls to be settled and ok with it" "they were settled with it before they even came to you that Sunday morning, they knew what it would lead to. They need their Mama, the kids need their grandma. Lena is nana but she hates it" he started walking with her to the lounge "they are all waiting for us to bring this family together, they need us. Our four children and our nine grandchildren with more on the way, that'll be 10 and more after that. They need to know this is it now and so do I" he finished softly. "I won't rest until we are married and you can say your name. You asked me for it right here" he set her down and changed the subject knowing for sure she needed time to digest his words "take a look at my record collection baby"
The tone of his voice told her that there was more to this than he was letting on so she got down on her knees by the record player and flicked through them slowly and there was her answer "everything?" she whispered "absolutely everything" he agreed, she touched an incredibly tatty one "the one I bought after I heard your voice on the radio, the one that I fell in love with you to before I even met you" she touched the next one "the one I bought when I finally knew you" he crouched down next to her and touched the next one "the first one we worked together on" he smiled at her "shall I go on?" "Pick one" she whispered he went further on "this one broke my heart, first one I didn't work with you on. You were moving away from me, I tried to hold you with music when I wasn't enough to hold you. It changed me, you didn't want me. Or so I thought at the time" he chanced a look at her "you had Lena" she whispered " I didn't know, I needed to fill the emptiness you left behind.Don't you hear it? I can't listen to this one because it's all I hear" he didn't comment but he knew he'd listen to it again when he was alone, she flicked through singles, special editions, limited prints. Everything she'd ever done was here "we need to talk about them all" he said gently "not today" she nodded not trusting herself to speak. She went on, here there was absolutely everything Benny had ever done from pre the Hep Stars to his latest Piano album and there was Frida, her sixties stuff right up to her most recent works "Oh Bjorn..." She didn't need words to understand what this meant or what they all meant to him "they all belong here Anna" he rasped "but it's for another day, I don't want sadness or regret or recriminations. I want you to be my date tonight" she nodded again "I want you to be happy today. I want to make you happy. I want to sit opposite you and know we made it. I dreamed of it when I was with you at chemo" They hugged there on the floor, she running her fingers through his hair soothing his hidden emotion until he got up and pulled her gently to her feet "when we get back Bjorn I'd love to dance with you like we used to after a date. We can push the table back again and you can pick the music. Can we do that?" "We can" he agreed softly "I'd love that too" he looked at his watch "baby we need to get ready! Look at the time! We'll be late!"
Hustle ensued along with a lot of laughter, in the past such a situation would have been likely caused an argument but now it was not so, how different things were for them both he reflected as he rushed about getting ready.
Finally ready they used the truck instead of walking as they would have done back in the day, that for both of them was a step too far and it didn't take them more than five minutes to get there. Bjorn parked behind the restaurant as he'd agreed with Luca on the phone then left Anna in the truck while he went to check that everything was as safe as it could possibly be for her, he made sure that he locked the truck and popped into the back entrance, he grinned as he remembered doing this when they got back from the Eurovision in '74 and the world went mad for the first of many times, this reminded him of those times but in a good way. He was greeted by Luca like the long lost son even though he'd been back many times in the intervening years, they both knew that this was monumental, a huge leap of faith, for Luca had been well aware of the situations each of them had found themselves in and had in his way watched over them both over the years and he couldn't have been more delighted or protective to see them here together "all is well Bjorn. I cancelled some bookings of people I don't know. I've given them compensation and rebooked them for another night" Bjorn was grateful "put their compensation on my bill Luca, I know what you did for Benny and Frida but you won't be doing that today" "everyone who is in tonight is either family or people I know and I'm confident in them" Luca went on as if Bjorn hadn't spoken. Bjorn chuckled "always it is a battle Luca. If you won't put it on my bill then I will ask Giancarlo and you'll never know. I also know you don't always work on a Thursday so thank you" Luca snorted and made a shooing motion "so I want to see the most beautiful girl in the world, it's been too long. It's a very long time Bjorn" he was serious for a moment "it is an honour Bjorn, these later years were difficult for her. I took her takeaways sometimes, she'd let me in. No one else, not even Giancarlo" he sighed "I took her pasta on Christmas day. I made her sauce with sugar in it to take away the metallic taste. Revolting but all she could taste at the time was metal so the sugar and too much garlic disguised it for her. She ate half and all the pudding I made her Linda said so that was a miracle hmm?"
Bjorn had thought he was past surprises "you knew?" he breathed "and you never said?" "Not my story to tell Bjorn, she didn't have many left to trust. Such a lonely girl. The world let her down, people let her down. Beautiful girl, I don't blame her for not wanting anyone to know" he looked at Bjorn "the world let you down too, this I know, things are as they should be now. You found your way back yes?" Bjorn nodded still speechless "then all is well prego" "thank you" Bjorn said softly "I didn't know, she didn't tell me any of it I'd have been back so long ago" Luca smiled softly "because she loved you silly boy. You're a silly boy Bjorn. She never would have told you because she adored you. Clearly she still does." "I'm 73 Luca!" "And I'm nearly 87. You're a silly boy to me!" Bjorn burst out laughing "I was a silly boy, much more than that but I have her safe now. I love her very much" Luca made another shooing motion "everyone knew that except you two now go and get the poor girl. All is safe here. All is well"
Bjorn and Anna walked into the restaurant hand in hand and this time Bjorn felt no nerves from her, her grip on his hand was tight and true but relaxed, the stars in her eyes as she saw the restaurant looking just the same as it always had and their table scratched and battered but still there melted Bjorn's heart. The joy exploded out of her when she spied Luca making his sprightly way towards her and Bjorn happily let loose her hand when Luca scooped her close and hugged her tightly "La Mia Bella ragazza" Bjorn heard him say softly "ragazza coraggiosa" he watched Anna sniff back tears and her arms creep round Luca "e passato molto tempo, Tutto è come dovrebbe essere" she nodded furiously and wiped a tear away "it is Luca, I love him" Luca smiled and switched language "same as him, the only ones who didnt see it was you two. You're a silly girl" her mouth dropped open and Bjorn laughed out loud. Anna's eyes met his "I've already taken my scolding Anna" she grinned "yes"she agreed "I am, I'm trying not to be any more" their hug was long and tight and Bjorn saw their relationship for what it was, a father like figure who had known and liked her father who she missed so very much. He was happier than ever that he'd bought her here, for her this place would always be a place of peace and safety, where she could relax and be free. Luca and Giancarlo with all the generations of their family to follow would always make sure it was so for Anna and all of them. This was as near to a birthplace of ABBA as anyone was likely to get and he would forever be grateful.
Eventually he complained playfully that he was hungry and Luca bustled them to their table, Luca being Luca didn't ask them what they wanted he bought them house red wine and a steaming plate of garlic bread to be starting with "it seems like we are starting a new world with a trip down memory lane baby" Bjorn murmured "I couldnt ask for anything better Bjorn, it's all that I didn't know I needed" she scanned the room in a way that he thought must be automatic, he watched her clock Giancarlo stood by the front door watching unobtrusively, she saw Enzo one of Luca's long serving waiters guarding the back door where they'd come in. He watched her scan the faces of everyone in the restaurant and when she saw nothing to worry her he saw the imperceptible relaxing of her shoulders "better?" he asked gently "sorry, I can't help it" she said "I know you can't, it's ok. You can do whatever you need to do with me. I want you to be happy. Happy now?" "So very happy Bjorn, thank you" "I'll watch over you Anna. I won't let anything happen. I want you to eat your bodyweight in pasta baby" he teased "I never could have dreamed of this, not even in my wildest dreams" she told him "on a date with you. Out,out!" "me neither" he admitted "but we are and what a date it is" "we haven't really started yet" she protested "oh we have baby, normal people make wild passionate love after their date, they take their clothes off but oh no not us. We started this date the minute we got out of the truck this afternoon" she blushed crimson "Bjorn!!" she hissed "tell me you hate it" he said and the look she gave him confirmed everything he was thinking "I thought so" he laughed out loud "I'm so happy Anna, so bloody happy" Anna smiled and said "me too"
Their reverie was disturbed by Luca sweeping in placing heaping great plates of pasta in front of both of them " Bjorn! I can't eat....." Bjorn chuckled "just eat what you can baby, we used to demolish this back in the day. I suspect we'll both eat more than we think we can. Eat baby" Anna laughed out loud "how does he remember what we eat from so long ago? He didn't even give us a menu" Bjorn gave her a long look "I think neither of us changed. He tells me we've both been coming here since we divorced. How I didn't know that I don't know. We should have had this date a long time ago Anna" There was no recrimination in his tone, just honest feeling "Yes we should have" Anna agreed quietly "we could have done this long ago and had more time" he was surprised by her equally honest response "the amount of time doesn't matter Anna baby, it's what we do with it and how we live it" her blue eyes sparkled at him and his heart missed a beat all over again "we've both learnt a lot i think. Will you bring me here again?" "Yes, as many times as you'd like" he agreed quickly before she could change her mind. There was a pause and Bjorn could tell she was debating something "Yes?" he prompted gently after a while "I'd like to go to Slottsholmen with you" Bjorn wondered whether there would come a point in his life that she wouldn't be able to surprise him or take his breath away, if that time should ever come it surely wasn't now "Yes we can do that Anna. I'd love to" "Good let's eat" the stars hadn't left her eyes yet and although Bjorn was far more taciturn about showing his emotions he was certainly as close to being 'starry eyed' as he could ever remember being.
True to his word Bjorn and Anna did justice to their pasta, revisiting the taste of their youth with joy, the conversation was non stop, tying up little loose ends here and there, planning their trip, discussing Benny and Frida and the children but most of all realising how much they just really enjoyed each others company, how well they meshed together and always had done even without the white hot sexual attraction that they had for each other. It was the very best date of his life Bjorn reflected as he steered a very rosy cheeked and slightly tipsy Anna out of the back door and hoisted her into the truck. Her amorous attentions as he got her into the truck tested his resolve mightily, she certainly was embracing her freedom which delighted him but he kept his sense about him and bundled her into the truck rapidly making sure to whisper in her ear how provoked he was and she'd be paying her dues when they got home.
Pulling into home a scant five minutes later had Anna out of the back of the truck before Bjorn even turned the engine off. He opened the door with the engine still running "you ok baby?" he enquired "how did I ever forget how safe you make me feel?" she reached in and turned the ignition off "that's some of the reason I kept you so safe you know" she said conversationally "quite besides the fact that I love you very much and I always have and that you are the most fantastic father to my children, I also needed you to be safe or I wouldn't even be safe inside my mind" It didn't take Bjorn long to understand what she was telling him "oh baby" he sighed " I understand you. I will always keep you safe just like you've kept me safe for all these years" he got out of the truck "you have always been my safe haven too, my mind has always been yours"
It did surprise him when she smiled at him and launched herself at him, he grabbed at her to stop her falling and she said "and your body, has that always been mine?" his mind went blank for a moment then much more heartfelt than she'd ever intended "despite outside appearances baby my body has always belonged to you" he sighed and hugged her to him "we've made a lot of mistakes over the years but I have always belonged to you, heart body and soul" before she could even interrupt he placed a gentle finger on her lips hushing her "and you have always belonged to me heart, body and soul. We fought it for too long but you were always my destiny" she kissed him "I know" she said softly "you are mine too, I love you" she wriggled to be let down "I won't make you carry me up the steps" "You put yourself up here" he chuckled walking up the steps regardless "well I know but you are 73" "I sincerely hope you're teasing. I don't think either of our ages are an issue do you? Besides I promised you faithfully that I would always catch you did I not?" she nodded "you did. Bjorn I had a lovely time, I haven't had a date like that since we split up. It just wasn't possible, I also haven't been tipsy since Frida came. Linda said it made you laugh" he put her down "oh Anna it really did, I was so happy you and Frida were still at play. You did run Benny and I ragged the pair of you. Naughty girls always. I was delighted. I didn't have much to laugh about then"
He kicked his shoes off at the door and held her hand while she did the same, he snatched a kiss then said "dance with me baby, pick a song any song" she sat cross legged on the floor by the records "not us, not this time" she said cryptically "this one" she picked a record that she wouldn't let him see, she got up and put it on the record player. For all his addiction to the latest technology, his insistence on keeping vinyl amused and touched her in equal measure, she was happy that he'd kept another part of him the same as it ever was. She put the record on and Bjorn was enchanted to hear Elvis and 'I can't help falling in love with you'
She fitted under his chin just like she always had and filled his empty arms perfectly, they moved together as though there had been no time apart, their bodies remembered how it was supposed to be. Bjorn was not a dancer nowadays unlike Anna but somehow they found their rhythm again and he moved with no thought "I remember this" he murmured "I think of us dancing often, will you always be my dancing queen?" She nodded not trusting herself to speak. They revelled in the music, the song that she had chosen they had danced to so many times over the years had more meaning than ever before and when it came to an end the dancing didn't stop for them. She lifted herself up for a kiss that was willingly given and she broke the silence "Say my name Bjorn" she asked softly, his arms tightened around her and he stopped moving "Agnetha Ase Ulvaeus" he whispered "Say it again" he knew her well and repeated it louder "It's mine, I never meant to lose it" she told him quietly "and I never meant to take it" he replied softly "I'm going to give it back very soon" she mumbled an agreement and started them dancing again. They didn't need music now, they were dancing to music that only they could hear and it would be eternal.
