The house was crowded for breakfast and Bjorn couldn't help but feel humbled at the love and acceptance his family had shown him. Of course he knew they loved him but things had changed with such speed that he wouldn't have blamed them for questioning it or being reticent with him but no, it was just like Christian said, it was like he had always been here. He had expected to be blamed for the things he had done, the things that had happened to their mother because he had not been with her. He shouldered the blame for all of it as far as he was concerned and some of it he would never forgive himself for. But he had been welcomed and accepted with open arms and joy. He looked around the table and thought that he didn't deserve this but he would grab it all with both hands and make sure that none of them, especially Anna would live to regret trusting him again. He would never let them down. He gloried in the noise and the mess and the laughter. So different to what he had become used to and he wished that Emma and Anna could have had this upbringing, he marvelled at what his Anna had created in the face of massive adversity. A place where everyone was loved, safe, secure. A place of joy and fun but also a place where they all knew they could work out their problems and no one would judge them. She was the lynchpin that held them all together and his face became grim for a moment as he thought he would be damned if he would lose her now, there had to be a way and he would fight for her even when she had no strength left to fight for herself. They would beat this terrible disease. He was distracted from his thoughts by Linda coming to sit next to him and lifting his arm to put it over her shoulder "Papa, you look sad. What's wrong?" she asked. "Thinking about your mother, being grateful that you've all accepted me here in such a short space of time. You have every right to say I'm not welcome, that it's all going too quickly" Linda smiled gently "Papa, we love you. We've been waiting for you, we've been wishing and hoping for this since the day you and Mama split up. I don't know the details and I don't want to Papa but what I do know is we've grown up sure in her love for us and sure in her love for you. She has loved you forever and that in its way made us secure. She deserves this, YOU deserve this and we would never dream of standing in your way. You two need each other. It's not a one way street Papa" Bjorn squeezed her into his side "No it's not Linda, god I love your mother, I always have" Linda smiled gently "Papa, I know and because of that it doesn't matter how long you've been apart does it? It matters how well you've come back together and it's like you've never been gone. It's like you've been married all this time and Papa she sparkles when you're around, she's content and you? You relax and allow yourself just to be" Bjorn looked at her and said "Christian said nearly the same thing you know" Linda hummed happily. "Yes, he told me. You've given him something he's never had Papa and it means so much to him. He's never seen you two together and it means the world now that he realises how special you two really are when you have each other" Linda put her hand on Bjorn's belly. "I love having you here Papa, we are meant to be all together and we are the last people to judge you when you are only giving us what we all want. Just do what you need to do. Pull Mama through this and live your lives and we will all be right behind you" Bjorn let out a breath and kissed the top of Linda's head. "I love you, thank you" she smiled as she got up. "You may regret it Papa, it's chaos here and there's another baby coming. There will be no peace for you." Bjorn grinned and said "Linda, truly I said this to Mama yesterday I've been waiting for this all my life, I've spent far too long away from you lot and on my own. I can't think of anything I want more"
Bjorn plunged back into the chaos and split up a squabble between Signe and Esther, he ate his bread and liver sausage while holding onto Nike as Isabelle chatted earnestly with Anna. Christian and Linda were discussing the building plans and he wandered over to hear what they were. He was impressed to hear that it was a frame house like Linda's, it had to look the same but they could alter the interiors to suit. He asked where it would go and Christian took him outside to show him the exact spot they had permission for. The space they had picked was perfect in Bjorn's opinion, he could see the corner of Anna's house but not too much, the plot was half screened on one side by trees and he could see the chimney of Linda's house. Christian and Isabelle would have a lovely view of the sea but they wouldn't be living in each others pockets. He was delighted and told Christian so.
They wandered back in to find everyone cleaning up after breakfast and still the chatter was going strong. Bjorn and Christian both felt bad, they hadn't meant to be gone so long and they hurried to help the clean up. When they had finished and the kitchen diner looked less like a tornado had blown through it Anna went into total matriarch mode and it amused Bjorn no end. She had Signe hanging around her neck and Nike in the other arm and bossing everyone around. Christian and Isabelle offered to take the younger kids to the beach for a while, Linda, Jens and Tilda went back to their house to sort themselves out after the holiday and deal with the domestic nonsenses that came with being away for a fortnight. Anna told Tilda to finish up her schoolwork ready for tomorrow. Bjorn saw her wink at Linda and Jens and the grin that was shared and shook his head why couldn't Lena have loved his girls like that? he wondered sadly. His attention was diverted by Anna's sudden pained gasp and grimace and he saw that Signe was wriggling around and leaning hard on Anna's cannula. He put his coffee cup down and swooped into action pulling Signe off her gently and making her scream with laughter as he balanced her on his shoulders. He didn't want her to think she'd done anything wrong so he made a huge game of it and jogged her over to Christian who grabbed her and put her on his own shoulders. He winked at Bjorn as he acknowledged what he had averted and called for Esther and they made preparations to go to the beach. Anna smiled at him gratefully as he walked back to get his coffee cup and she reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him gently and whispered "Thank you for noticing" he put his arm around her shoulders "Always" they were interrupted by Esther screaming with delight ""Granny kissed Grandad!!! You did Granny, I saw you kissing him" Anna couldn't help the blush but carried it off with aplomb as she chased across the kitchen and scooped her up and planted a million sloppy kisses all over her until she squealed "Yes I did, you better get used to it and now I'm kissing you!!!" Christian and Isabelle laughed and Esther said "Grandad isn't kissing me" Anna giggled uproariously and turned around with Esther and said "No he isn't is he?" she turned and looked at him expectantly her blue eyes shining at him. He shook his head to clear the fog that she always caused him and strode forward to take Esther into his arms, he gave her a smacking great kiss on her cheek. He was delighted to feel her little arms cling round his neck and she gave him a sloppy kiss back then she reached for Anna and put one arm round her neck and pulled until Anna stepped forward. Esther kissed her on the nose and said "I love you two" Bjorn had a lump in his throat and put his arm round Anna so they made a snuggle with Esther in the middle. "We love you too darling" he said. Anna smiled mistily and cleared her throat and said "Right everyone out! I need to cook. Be back here for 4. Christian don't forget to collect the packages, Linda's going later to get the rest of the stuff we need. Christian nodded and said "Got it Mama, thank you for an amazing breakfast. I want so many more just like that"
The house was finally empty and Anna said to Bjorn "I just have to sit down for half an hour then I'll cook. I don't have the stamina I used to" "You and me both Anna, you want some coffee or tea? I'll sit with you too then you can tell me what we are cooking" Bjorn said contentedly. "Oh Bjorn is there any of your coffee left?" "Baby if there isn't I'll make some more" he did make more coffee and when it was ready he carried it back to the sunroom where he found Anna snuggled on the sofa under her blanket "Are you cold?" he enquired "I am but I'll be ok in a bit, it happens sometimes" she said quietly. "It's a side effect of the drugs" Bjorn put her coffee down next to her and unwound the blanket from around her. "Bjorn I need the blanket for a while" she remonstrated gently "Yes I know but I'm coming under there with you. Do you mind?" Bjorn asked. "Well no of course not but you're not cold, you'll just get uncomfortable and sweaty" she said. "Ah yes but you'll be warmer quicker baby, I've never had a problem getting sweaty with you" he winked at her as he slid under the blanket with her. She laughed and took a sip of her coffee and snuggled into Bjorn's side and luxuriated in the heat emanating from his body. She heard his sigh and asked "Was it too much for you? I'm sorry it's not what you're used to" "Anna, I loved every second of it, if that's what our Sundays are going to be like or any other day of the week then bring it on. You've no idea how much I've wanted this and I've got more to look forward to later" Anna smiled against her cup and said "I'm so relieved and pleased Bjorn, this is my life and you're welcome in every bit of it but I know you'll need time for yourself too. It's a big gear change" "I'll be fine Anna, as long as I have you we'll overcome anything now." he reassured her. "What are we cooking?" he asked. "You don't want a surprise?" she asked. "Nope, I want to help you cook it" came his reply "How familiar are you with English roasts?" she asked "If I'm honest, it's the only meal I liked in the UK, it was a long six years in more ways than one" he tried to smile but she saw the sadness in his eyes that couldn't be faked and she found his hand and squeezed it. "Well, I loved it too and it's a big treat in this house. Special occasions only so, we are having roast lamb, roast potatoes, braised red cabbage, cauliflower cheese, carrots, cabbage, gravy and mint sauce" Bjorn's stomach rumbled at just the thought of it. "God, I love lamb. That sounds amazing Anna. I haven't had a roast since I left England. Christian says yours are special" she snorted. "He would say that, I'm never sure about his compliments because he eats anything and everything!" she giggled and Bjorn had to laugh for what she said was true. "At the risk of sounding like my son are we having pudding?" Anna laughed gently "Of course, we're having pudding, we have two. I know it's not Christmas but I'm making Semlor because I know it's your favourite and apple and almond pudding with cream" Bjorn sighed contentedly "Oh Anna, you're going to make me so fat, I can't wait" "You won't get fat Bjorn" Anna assured him. "No, I won't because..." he whispered in her ear and she blushed and giggled. "That's very true, I can't resist you anyway. I'll do my bit to keep you fit" Bjorn nearly spat the last of his coffee out and he laughed "Come on, up you brazen hussy" he teased "or we won't have time to do all this" He hauled her up out of the sofa and couldn't resist stealing a kiss.
"Kitchen my wench!!" he teased. They had just got into the kitchen when Anna's phone rang, she answered it and Bjorn rolled his eyes good naturedly when he realised it was Frida. He decided that he'd better make himself useful and at least get the stuff he knew they needed organised, he was all too aware that when Anna and Frida used to get talking on the phone they would lose hours, he couldn't imagine that anything had changed. He went rummaging through the fridges and found 3 enormous legs of lamb. His eyebrows shot up. Christ how many were they feeding he wondered. He got them out and found cheese in epic chunks and found all of the veg she had mentioned. By the time he had put all this on the counter he was surprised to hear Anna winding up the conversation with Frida. Maybe things had changed he considered. Anna put her phone down and washed her hands and said Benny and Frida will be here by 4 as well and I've asked them to stay tonight at least. Is that ok? I thought we could all relax and catch up then" Bjorn smiled happily and said "That's a wonderful thought baby, it'll be lovely"
Bjorn looked through her music but was interrupted by Anna coming up behind him. "It's been years since I could listen to it all. Let's start from the very beginning" she said gently. Bjorn looked down at her, not sure what she meant, she reached round him and programmed in every ABBA album from Ring Ring onwards right through to The Visitors. "Are you sure?" he asked slightly worried about the effect it might have on her and him if he was honest. "Yes I really am. I want to fall in love with it again, all of it baby. I need to so that I can sing" She pressed play and immediately they were both transported back to those halcyon days as they heard the opening bars of Ring Ring.
Seeing as they managed so many happy days since Bjorn had been back it amused him that yet again this day was better. People would start thinking he had lost his marbles he mused if he kept on about how every day was better than the last but it was true. For Anna's part she was truly at peace, just feeling his presence around her was enough but working along side him, sleeping with him, living with him was everything she could have hoped or wished for. She couldn't have been more grateful to their family for not questioning their actions and just loving them.
That day spent cooking for the army that they had created and listening to the music that had also come from them was a thing of beauty. They worked, laughed, danced and cried together. The memories came back thick and fast and actually they revelled in them whether they were good or bad. By the time they got to ABBA the album they were totally in the swing of it and actually really enjoying just listening to it. Anna started giggling when Thank You For The Music came on and by the time it was half way through the first verse she had to stop what she was doing because she was all out laughing "What's wrong with you?" asked Bjorn immensely amused "Don't you remember Bjorn? she asked wiping her eyes "Don't you remember what I had to do to get this song out?" He shook his head "No I don't, remind me?" "I was absolutely huge with Christian, I had to lie flat on my back to take his weight off my diaphragm and lungs so I could sing. I spent 2 days lying on the floor! Oh god I must have looked ridiculous" she went off into gales of laughter again. "How could I have forgotten that? Of course you did!!" he laughed "It must have been uncomfortable, I remember the last day, it took Benny AND me to get you off the floor" Anna blushed "You didn't have to add that bit Bjorn" she was mortified. "Hush, you were beautiful and we were in awe of you. It was the least we could do baby" he comforted her quickly. She grinned and pushed him playfully, "There's no denying it Bjorn, I looked like an elephant" "I disagree, you were my absolute dream Anna" he told her. "What else have we left to do? It's 1330" She started ticking tasks off on her fingers "lamb is in, potatoes are done, they just need to go in the oven. All the veg is done, the cabbage is braising, I've done the apple pudding, I need to finish off the Semlor. Later I'll whip the cream for the apple pudding. I need to go out and get some mint from the garden for the sauce" she stopped to think " we'll eat at 1645 so...I'll put the potatoes in at 1500, put the veg on at 1600. Take the lamb out at 1615 and make gravy. Job done." Bjorn grinned in admiration as he watched her get on with the Semlor "I don't know how you manage all this baby" she looked at him over her shoulder and said "I love it, you'll get used to it". It smelled amazing already and Bjorn was sure that he would get used to this very quickly. " I don't cook like this every day of the week you know" she warned him laughing. "Anna, everything I've eaten of yours so far has been amazing!" She finished up with the Semlor and washed her hands before saying " I want to go and get some mint from the garden" she picked up scissors and a bowl and made her way out of the back door and he followed her out onto the veranda and watched over her mooching around her herb garden. God she was beautiful and he could watch her all day but it was cold out here and she had no coat on but just as he was about to call her she turned and made her way back to the house. "I had no idea it was so cold. We should light the fire. I need a coat" she shivered. "Want me to go and do it? How much do you want?" he asked. Anna looked into the bowl and said "three times that, I'm getting a coat I'll come with you. Fresh air is good for me." She went off to get her old gardening coat and put it on. When she was ready he took her hand and they went out again. They didn't take long to collect what she wanted and as they wandered back Bjorn asked her a question that had been playing on his mind for the last week or more "Anna, I love this. I love the fact that we fit together so well,I love the fact we've learned and we are willing to compromise. We know what's important now and we let the little stuff go. I wish we had learned it together. I just wish I'd have fought harder" she squeezed his hand and leaned into him as they walked "Bjorn you cannot shoulder all of this alone! We are both culpable. We've been through all of this and we don't need to do it again. I'm as guilty as you baby. I should have fought harder for you as well" "If we weren't in ABBA would we have made it?" he finally asked the question that had been haunting him for decades. Anna considered his question carefully "Honestly? Yes I think we would have done baby, it was a very intense time and I loved it but it was like being trapped in a circus, a high pressured one at that and we lost our way, we forgot to talk and we took each other for granted and we let stupid stuff over rule what was really important. We were both too hotheaded and stubborn" she sighed and said "love was never the issue and we've proved that now, we've come back together all these years later and still I love you. Probably more now" she stopped, trying to think of how else to convince him" You're right, love was never the issue was it or we wouldn't either of us have suffered so much all these years." "I'm so angry that circumstances and life have kept us apart. I love you immensely Miss Faltskog" he told her. "We would have been married for 46 years this year if I hadn't of fucked it up and that makes me so sad" "I love you immensely too Mr Ulvaeus and for the last time we both made mistakes that we have to move on from if we are going to make our second chance work. If it makes you feel any better you've owned my heart since '68 and I still wear your wedding ring " she laughed and wiggled her fingers in front of his face trying to amuse him and make him feel better. "It's on the wrong hand" he growled. "It'll have to stay there Bjorn, it's stuck. I haven't been able to get it off for years" "Just how long have you been wearing it Anna? You hardly wore it at all when we were in ABBA" he asked as they walked up the steps. Her demeanour changed and she couldn't meet his eyes. She hadn't been evasive with him for weeks and it was a shock to his system. He sat her in the chair on the veranda and squatted down in front of her so he could see her eyes "Another secret Anna?" he enquired. Her eyes lifted to meet his and he was disturbed to see her tears "it makes me look weak and crazy Bjorn" "Right, out with it. Lets get it over and done with. You're not crazy baby. There's a reason for everything you do" "I wanted to wear it all the time when we were in ABBA, Stig wouldn't let me, he said we'd sell more records if I was available or at least seemed to be, he wouldn't let Frida wear hers either for a long time" she sniffled and Bjorn stroked the afore mentioned ring. "I didn't know that, why didn't you say anything? I'd have put a stop to it. I can't imagine Benny would have been very happy with it either. "Stig told us that you two had agreed and it didn't occur to us until years later that it may not have been the case by which point we were all divorced and it didn't seem to matter" Bjorn sighed and said "So much damage from such a little thing and by not communicating, I'm so happy we can communicate now. For the record I loved seeing you wear your wedding ring. The world knew you were mine and I never got tired of that" Anna smiled and said voluntarily "I put it back on to protect it and myself, it doesn't look like a wedding ring to anyone else but you and I had to hide everything from from Tomas. I had a hidden safe in the attic. It's behind the chimney breast. Lots of my stuff got thrown away by him. I lost so much stuff of the kids, photos he burnt, things like that. He threw my engagement ring away in the rubbish bin, I mean your engagement ring. Oh you know what I mean" she sighed "It took me 5 nights of waiting for him to go to sleep so I could go outside in the dark and go through the rubbish until I found it" she wiped her eyes "When things got really bad the ring would take me back to the good times and I could look at it or feel it and go to a safe place in my head. As long as I was inside my head, what happened outside didn't matter. I could turn it off." she shared quietly. Bjorn shook his head and swallowed hard, he had to look away from her for a moment while he gathered his thoughts and emotions. "Anna, you shared something about Tomas with me voluntarily. Did you realise?" he asked carefully. "You asked me, I have no secrets from you anymore and you didn't run screaming at Viggso so I'll take a chance" she shrugged and slowly met his eyes "It's ok?" she whispered. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly "It's ok baby, more than ok. You can tell me anything and I promise you you won't regret it and I won't run.
