The day of Anna's scan dawned grey and rainy, she didn't much care for it matched her mood. Benny and Frida had returned late last night in fine form and they'd distracted her for a while but she knew her mood was black. It was black for a myriad of reasons not least because she was terrified of the results, right at this moment she didn't know if it was a good thing that Bjorn had come back, he'd made her WANT and she hadn't wanted for so long. She didn't want to die, she wanted to stay with them all, she wanted desperately to marry Bjorn and live out her years with him, they'd wasted so much time and she did believe in him and his love for her. As always love wasn't the issue but it was love for Bjorn that drove her thoughts, when she had been alone it was easier in some ways because despite Bjorn's protestations to the contrary she knew the kids and the grandchildren would be fine without her, her reasons for wanting to live were purely selfish now. It was easier when she'd been resigned to her fate and now she needed to fight. There was so many things she was fretting about that she couldn't really identify them all, she was shunning company when she knew she needed it most. She'd been grumpy when she got up, she'd turned away from Bjorn this morning and she wiped away a tear impatiently as she remembered his patience with her. It wasn't just the results she was scared of, she hated the bloody machine. It was so claustrophobic and she had to be in there for what felt like hours, she had to take her top off in front of people she didn't know and she was all alone in there.
Her anxious ramblings were interrupted by Bjorn coming to find her in the sun room, she swung round ready to yell at him to leave her alone and he took the wind out of her sails with a knowing "Uh huh. I thought so" "You thought what?" she demanded crossly, she didn't get an answer "what?" she asked again. He was fiddling with the music centre "Don't ignore me" she snapped conveniently forgetting that she'd ignored him all morning. He still said nothing at all and she heard her own voice coming out of the speakers "Dance with me baby, as if I could ever ignore you" he hummed gently then as he pulled her round to face him "What's the Name Of The Game?" he sang along "does it mean anything to you?" and she felt herself however unwilling she thought she was, stepping into him and swaying with him and just his reassuring smell and arms around her slowed her racing mind and heart. Her eyes closed and she slumped into his arms" Your smile and the sound of your voice" she sang softly "Can you feel it the way I do?" "Tell me please, cos I have to know" he sang back "Tell me baby" he spoke gently "tell me what's wrong, though I can guess" she felt thoroughly ashamed of herself "I'm terrified Bjorn" she admitted hoarsely "What if it isn't all gone?" "then we do what your doctor tells us until it is gone Anna" he murmured gently "he told me there was lots of other options for you. We will fight on until we beat it" "You didn't sign up for this!!" she was agonised "I signed up for you Anna baby, a lifetime ago and I'll take whatever comes with you. You know that" he reassured her "I love you TOO much" she spat "it was easier when you weren't here" "I'm sure it was" he agreed "nothing to be selfish for, you were just an old Mama" Anna frowned, she didn't like her own thoughts spoken aloud "you think that they'll just get on with their lives without you" he mused "makes it easier for you not facing the tough stuff Anna, gave you a good excuse to just coast along being all earth mama and fatalistic" "Now just wait a bloody minute" she said wounded "No Anna you wait just a bloody minute" he retorted "Where's my tiger?? You've come so far and I love you. I don't care what the scan says because I'll love you anyway but I want you to be well, more than you could ever realise. But if you aren't we'll fight on together until you are or we will both die trying. I know you're scared but we need to know one way or the other then we can live one way or the other. It doesn't matter does it because whichever way we have to go it'll be you and me and our army" she sobbed bitterly into his shoulder "I want to live!!" "and you will baby" he cradled her "one step at a time. We have to face each hurdle together and then we will know what we are up against." "I don't want to be alone in there, they leave me alone" she mumbled "I hate it, I can't get out and I'm trapped, it's dark and small and claustrophobic. I won't get out of there Bjorn. I'll get stuck!!"
Bjorn pulled her back with him and sat on the sofa with her on his lap "Anna, you won't be alone, I'll make sure that I come in there with you. I'll be there to make sure you can get out" "I don't like taking my top off in front of strangers" she whispered "I hate it" Bjorn felt for her, the indignities caused by this disease were many and he knew more than anyone that despite her public persona Anna was very shy and he knew that he was one of the few to ever see her with no clothes on, he felt so privileged "so I'll stand in front of you while you take your top off and I won't let anyone see you while you get on the scanner Anna. I promise you" he whispered softly "you can flash me and enjoy the fact that you'll have given me a raging hard on that I can do nothing about until we get home" he winked at her "see how much I'm prepared to suffer for you? I love you" she snorted a giggle through her tears "you won't leave me?" she checked "Nope" "You won't let me get stuck in there?" "Absolutely not" he confirmed "You'll tell me when they're going to turn the lights off? I hate the dark" "I know you do" he soothed and I'll talk to you all the time. I won't stop and you'll be able to hear me all the way through" she calmed "I'm sorry I've been horrible today Bjorn" she mumbled "Anna, this is me. You're allowed with me, I'm not the kids that you have to protect I'm your husband!" there was a silence and he fidgeted uncomfortably "Well I'm not I know but you know what I mean" she shifted and repeated "You're my husband. You're MY husband."she lifted her eyes to his "I love the sound of that Bjorn. It's been a long time" he smiled relieved "far too long" he agreed "it's right isn't it?" he enquired "it feels so right" she agreed quietly. Bjorn consulted his watch "that is definitely a discussion for us to finish after your scan" he remarked "but if you're good we should go baby"
An hour later found them in the consultants office prior to the scan Bjorn holding Anna's hand firmly as the doctor who Bjorn met during Anna's chemo took what he considered to be an extraordinary anount of blood and he really couldn't blame Anna for going white in the face but she bore it stoically, the only other sign of her distress was her nails digging into his hand which he made no comment on. The doctor was very positive as he went through the results they had so far and reminded Anna of how far they'd really come and then he said it was time for the scan. Bjorn immediately felt her fingers tremble in his and he squeezed her hand reassuringly, made her meet his eyes and whatever she saw there settled her "Come what may Anna baby, come what may" he whispered for her ears only.
He did everything he promised and more, he growled furiously at the poor nurse who tried to get Anna to take her rings off, the doctor hastily gave him covers for them, he talked her into taking her top off calmly, he talked her into getting into the scanner and he resolutely refused to leave the room once he'd helped her into the scanner, taking a chair as near to Anna as he could get. The doctor smiled ruefully and told the nurse to take him in the protective gear, he could see that Bjorn was not to be moved, he had made a promise and he intended to keep it. He would not leave her and the doctor had no choice but to admit how much less traumatic it was this time around with these two together. He rarely got personally invested with patients but this time he prayed that it was good news.
That hour spent in the scanner was the longest of Anna's life she thought but Bjorn didn't let her down, he talked to her constantly, he never let her focus fade, he told her what the doctors were saying, he told her when it would go dark and her world calmed and shrank till it was just them. By the time it was over Anna and Bjorn were both at peace with whatever would come, more than they'd ever been and when it was time Bjorn helped her out of the scanner and helped her to put on her bra and top, shielding her from anyone else's view. The consultant asked them to give him an hour so they went to the cafe and ignoring several curious stares they drank tea and shared a piece of cake, it was the only way Bjorn could get her to eat and then they went to walk around the grounds. Unbeknown to them they sat on the same seat that Frida had and a comfortable silence ensued. Anna wound her fingers through Bjorn's and he was shocked, they were in public after all and when he looked at her questioningly she knew what the source of his confusion was "Fuck it Bjorn" she told him "who cares now? I love you and I want to be able to hold your hand whenever I want to. You're not hers anymore" he lifted their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of her hand "I never was hers Anna, that was always the problem. I belong to you, always have done and I always will" she smiled mistily at him "Ditto that baby" he sighed contentedly and looked at his watch "I suppose we ought" he grumbled "I'm comfy here" she said "Me too Anna but come what may darling we have one last appointment and then the rest of our damn lives to live" "How are you so sure?" she demanded "Because its written in the stars and every fucking universe there is. This is our time baby" he said determinedly "it will be no other way" and she couldn't help believing in him one more time
