Frida did catch her plane out of Geneva Airport just as she had promised. She was as surprised as Anna to get the phone call from Benny but for her it was different, she had been open to ABBA doing a project for years. ABBA had been good to her and she had loved every minute of it, except for those early days after she and Benny had split. Those days had not been easy and if it had not been for Anna she doubted if she would have stayed to see it to the end. She remembered feeling like she had lost her mind and the pain cut her deeply. The example that Anna had set after her split from Bjorn had kept Frida strong and she knew if Anna could do it then she would do it too. She smiled as she remembered all the chats she and Anna would have before each ABBA get together, meeting or performance. All the times that they would support each other, cry, laugh and vow that they boys would not beat them, that they would sing on together until the bitter end.
Her plane journey was filled with thoughts of Anna and why she needed her to come to Sweden. It had never been known that Anna asked for her, it was always Frida who said when she was coming and Anna would fit around her. She was concerned, that she could not deny. Her concern had prompted her to charter a private jet, that way she could get there faster and not have to change planes in London. She pondered whether Agnetha's phobias and anxieties had taken over again. Frida knew from Linda that Anna rarely went out of her compound anymore but Linda said she was content. Frida also knew that Anna was not a coward for she had stood with all of them last year for Bjorn and Benny's anniversary and she had even sung a little. Frida worried that it had cost her too dear, public exposure scared her, perhaps this last year she had retreated to recover. For others a night out celebrating may seem a trivial thing but for Anna to face Bjorn and a big crowd took courage that Frida could only admire.
She knew more than most how much Agnetha still loved Bjorn, she could understand why she didn't want him to see her, she wondered if Bjorn would ever realise the sacrifices that Anna had willingly made. Frida had kept her silence for so many years, she had never told Bjorn the truth for she had promised Anna she would not. The irony was that Anna ended up making the same promises for Frida just a few years later when Benny fell in love with someone else. Frida suddenly realised that they were getting ready to land, her whole flight had been taken up with thoughts of ABBA and her memories and she had not noticed the time going by. She put her seatbelt on and watched as the familiar lights of Stockholm lay before her. She sighed nostalgically and grinned. She loved it in Switzerland but she loved her homeland more. She admitted only to herself that in her way she was a bad as Anna, she loved Benny as much as Anna loved Bjorn, it's just she was better at hiding it, compartmentalising it. Just as Anna's safety was in Ekero, Frida's was in Switzerland.
She landed in Stockholm and immediately found the car that she had booked to take her to Ekero. It was a half an hour or more drive and Frida spent it worrying what she would find. She instructed the driver to drop her off away from Agnetha's house, she knew that Anna had been targeted in recent years and did not want people to know where she was going. She waited for the driver to drive away and started the walk. She remembered the way well and it did not take her long considering she thought herself an old lady now.
She reached the borders of Anna's land and took a moment to reflect if this was the right place, it looked so different. The fences were higher and stronger, there were cameras and new electric gates. It looked impenetrable. Frida wondered what had happened to prompt this security upgrade and suddenly she was truly worried. She found the keypad and the loudspeaker and pressed the buzzer.
Inside the house Anna jumped, startled by the noise of the buzzer. She hurried to the intercom and looked at the screens. Her hands flew to her mouth as she saw Frida standing there with a suitcase. Tears blinded her as she fumbled with the buttons to let Frida in to the compound. She set the gates to close automatically and she used the system to unlock the front doors.
She rushed to the front doors waiting impatiently for them to open and as soon as they were she ran outside and met Frida half way down the drive. Anna had exhausted herself in her rush to see Frida and as she wrapped her arms around Frida sobbing she fell to her knees. Frida was not ready for the weight and went down on her knees too cradling Anna in her arms."Goodness me Anna, if had known I was that much missed and I'd get such a welcome that you would knock me down I'd have been back months ago!" Frida laughed gently and hugged Anna tightly. She frowned a little. Anna felt thinner "You ok?" She asked gently. "I'm fine" Agnetha sniffled. "I didn't know if I would see you again, I'm so happy you're here. I need to talk to you. I didn't know you would get here so quickly it's a lovely surprise, the best ever. I only spoke to you this morning! " She paused for breath after this torrent of words and hugged Frida tight again. "How did you get here so quick?" " I chartered a private jet Anna. You have me worried. You have never in 50 years asked me to fly to you. There must be a reason little one" Anna smiled at the ABBA endearment. They all called her that because she was the baby of the band. It seemed no matter how old she was, nearly 70 she would always be "little one" she loved that, it made her feel safe.
"Frida, I am happy, nothing is out of place. All is well. I needed to see you about Benny and Bjorn's proposal. I need to thrash it out with the only person who would ever understand me. How long can you stay?" There was a note of pleading in Anna's voice that Frida picked up on quickly despite it being well hidden. " I'm staying for as long as I need to Anna, I have no ties anymore I can be wherever I need to be" they sat back and looked at each other. "Let's get up" suggested Frida "I'm too old to be on my knees for this long" she smiled and got to her feet and held a hand out for Anna. It took Anna a little longer to get up but she did. They walked arm in arm back to the house giggling like teenagers. The girls were back together.
Later that evening they were settled on the sofa with a glass of wine each with Benny's new piano album demo on in the background, they found it ironic but it felt right and Frida had always loved to hear him play. It eased her mind and made her feel like he was still with her. She wouldn't admit it to anyone but Anna that she had all his records and was so utterly proud of him.
"Ok Anna, let's talk" said Frida, there's no one here but us, let's sort out what's bothering you about all of this and then you will tell me what's wrong with you" Agnetha spluttered into her wine and said "Frida, I'm ok. Nothing I can't handle" Frida rolled her eyes and said "little one I'm not about to sit here and argue with you. Let's talk ABBA and Bjorn first.
Anna put her glass down and looked down at her fingers twisting them as she always did when she was stressed or nervous "Frida, I don't know what to do, I haven't sung for a long time now. The silence is total. I'm so old I don't know if I can sing. It's not so bad for you, your voice has matured with time and because you're mezzo it sound amazing, so rich. I mean 1865 was stunning. For me? A mezzo soprano, I used to be so high and powerful and I'm scared it's not there anymore. I don't want to sound old. I don't want to ruin the legacy. What if I'm no good? What if I let you all down? What if I can't do it? What if I lose my bottle? What if I'm shit and you lot are great? What if he hates my voice? What if I let him down?" All of Anna's fears came pouring out of her in a uncontrollable torrent. Her tears started and Frida took her in her arms to comfort her. Frida hushed her and said "Anna, he loves your voice, you know that. You are as much ABBA as the rest of us. Without you we won't sound like ABBA, we won't be ABBA. You could never let him down! Never!" Anna's distress intensified, "that's the problem Frida if my voice doesn't work anymore there's nothing left to love and I'll know for sure the silence will be forever. I'll be the one that ended ABBA even though it's the last thing I want! I can't bear to fail with this, I couldn't stand it."
Frida sighed as she carefully digested Anna's words. She knew that she had to say the right thing as Anna's fears were valid. Frida couldn't deny her empathy as she felt somewhat the same.
" I'm in the same boat as you little one, I'm also 40 years older, my voice is also changed. We both don't know what we'll sound like together. We might not sound good together anymore but it's both of us, not just you" she had a sip of wine and made Agnetha look her in the eye." Anna, darling I'm willing to try it, this is probably our last chance, for me at least I'm 72 now. I want to try. I want to see if we are good enough still." Agnetha listened to what Frida was saying while she wiped her eyes and felt selfish because she hadn't thought that it would be the same for her, she was always the leader, the confident one. She sat back and looked Frida in the eye. "Why do you really want to do this Frida? I hear what you're saying but there's something else isn't there?" Frida fidgeted a bit and raised her eyes to Agnetha. "Honestly? I need to prove I still have it while I'm young enough to do it, time is going so fast. Abba deserves a proper goodbye, we just faded away in 82. We didn't deserve it and neither did our fans. We fell into the shadows and I regret that. We were too tied up in our dramas and we wanted to get away. It was the right thing at the time but I certainly never intended that it was the end" Agnetha nodded as she looked back on that time with honest eyes. She too had always thought Abba would return but as time passed it became more difficult. "Yes, I see your point, it is true. Abba deserves a proper farewell" Frida considered her next words carefully but if she couldn't share with Anna then they would forever remain unspoken. "and then there's Benny. I need to spend legitimate time with him just once more, this will be my only chance I think. I need to be close to him for a while. You know I love him more than ever but times have changed, my hope of reconciliation is gone and after this I won't see him until another anniversary. By then I'll be in my 80's I expect" Anna was the one offering comfort then and she did a most unexpected thing. She laughed."Oh Frida, we are special women, we love for life and we love those who do not and cannot love us back. They do not understand how lucky they were." She got up to go and get another bottle of wine. As she stood, she stumbled a bit and as she regained her balance her blouse gaped and Frida caught sight of a cannula secured to Anna's chest. Her heart felt like it had stopped on the spot. Luckily Anna had too much wine to notice Frida thought and she went off to get more leaving Frida struggling to deal with what she had seen. She fought to regain her composure, she didn't want to jump to conclusions and she was guessing that Anna would tell her when she was ready.
Agnetha returned to the sofa with another bottle that Frida opened for them. Agnetha poured another two glasses and tucked her feet up under her. She faced Frida and remarked "After 50 years we still sit here discussing the boys and ABBA, it seems that nothing has changed and yet everything must" Frida smiled "Yes, it seems to be our fate, shame we love them so much. Anna darling, what will you do about Bjorn?" Swift tear came to Agnetha's eyes and she dashed them away with an impatient hand "I don't know Frida. How can I face him? I don't want him dragged into my life. I'm a crazy old woman, I've made bad decisions in my life that I can't take back. He has a great life, I told Linda I am nothing to him now and it's true. He will look at me and if I can't sing he will look away and he won't look again. I won't be useful. I don't know if I can live with that. I'll always love him, more than he could ever know. I knew the minute I met him that I would never love another and it has proved to be true" Agnetha's tears proved to be too much for her and they overwhelmed her. Frida pulled her towards her and let Anna cry. She quietly cursed Bjorn for his total and utter blindness when it came to Agnetha. She knew he wasn't happy with Lena. He was like her brother and saw him more than the others as they tended to do events together. Over the years she had seen him become sterner, colder, he worked endlessly and he diverted any questions about how he was. He did ask always about Agnetha but often she had nothing to tell him. She understood Anna's need to keep him away even if she did not agree. She thought they needed each other.
Her mind came back to the present to find that Anna was calming herself. She grabbed a tissue from the table and gave it to Anna. She sensed that Anna wanted to say something so she waited patiently.
"There are reasons that I shouldn't do this Frida, I've resisted all these years but now I find myself wanting to despite my mind telling me it will be bad for me. I have so many worries but I do want to do this. I have thought about nothing else and I find that I want to do this for all of us while I still have it in me to try."
Agnetha sighed and continued " I made Linda a promise that if I decided to do this that I would tell you what's going on with me because you are my most trusted friend and I'm afraid I will need you. I am not well Frida. I know you saw my cannula. There's no easy way to say this but I have breast cancer. I've had it for a while." Frida had been hoping for any other explanation and her world imploded when Agnetha confirmed what she had suspected. "Oh god Anna why didn't you tell me? I'd have been here sooner. Who else knows? " Anna smiled "Frida, I'm fine, I didn't want anyone to know, you all have your own lives, I don't want to be a burden. Linda and Christian know. That's it. Not the grandchildren.." Frida interrupted her "and Bjorn? Benny? Anna, you can't hide this from them! They would be devastated!" "I can Frida and I will. You know I can't tell Benny, he couldn't not tell Bjorn their friendship is too strong. It is not fair to ask it of him. Benny is a sensitive soul, I do not wish to hurt him. Bjorn, he is the difficult one. I love him too much to tell him, I won't make him suffer anymore. He's been through this before with her, the last thing he needs is to be worrying about me. You know how difficult Lena is, she would make his life a living nightmare. She hates me at the best of times." Frida frowned "Anna, your concern right now shouldn't be Lena!! She's done enough damage to you, I'm not sure Bjorn would forgive you if you didn't tell him" Agnetha became impatient "Why does no one understand me? Or take what I say seriously? I DON'T want anyone else to know, especially him. I want him to remember me as I was, I want to spare him this! This is my last gift to him, both my voice and my silence. He would thank me." Frida opened her mouth to argue but meeting Anna's eyes thought better of it. Who was she to go against Anna's wishes? Even if she did not agree with them.
There was silence for a while but it was not uncomfortable. Frida was having a hard time accepting all this, she was devastated. She was the older one, it should have been her. Anna was the baby. She just couldn't believe it, it felt so unreal. She had been here before with Russo. She never thought she'd have to face it again. Anna had already had so much suffering in her life this just wasn't fair. "What are you thinking?" came a small voice. "I'm sorry Frida, I didn't want to burden you. I know what you've been through. If it makes you feel better I wouldn't have told you either if Linda hadn't made me promise" "Well it doesn't make me feel better" snapped Frida "What were you thinking? That we'd all find out when you died or something? That you'd deny us the right to see you??" Agnetha gasped, hurt. "Frida.." "Anna, I'm sorry darling that didn't come out right, I'm sorry ok?" Frida wiped her eyes then frowned as a thought came to her. She moved so she was looking straight into Anna's eyes. She tugged on her hand to get Anna to look at her. She wouldn't so Frida put her hand on Anna's jaw. "Look at me little one, look at me!! she repeated more forcefully. Frida waited until Anna acquiesced. "You knew didn't you? You knew. Last year when we sang for Benny and Bjorn's anniversary you KNEW. That's why after all these years you did it. You thought it would be the last time you would stand with us. You thought it would be the last time it would be us four. You were ill then! You thought that was your goodbye!" Frida was actually talking to herself at this point while she remembered that wonderful night and all the things that had been said and done. "Oh little one you were making your peace weren't you? It was a perfect goodbye" Anna's tears were the only answer she needed. Frida wiped them away.
Frida cleared her throat and wiped her own face thinking "and now Bjorn and Benny have done it again and come up with something amazing and still you are here and your goodbye turned out to be an au revoir" she smiled. "Anna we are going to do this, we will sing. You are strong. We will sing because we are alive and we can. Who cares what it sounds like?? That's not the point for us anymore. If it's shit they'll think we are just two old women who can't sing any more and they won't release it!" Agnetha huffed a reluctant laugh "I have some pride Frida! I want to be the best I can be." "So it's a definite yes??" Frida asked excitedly. "Yes, it is if you promise me..." "What do you want from me Anna? " Let me finish then" Agnetha laughed
I want you to promise me that you won't speak to the boys about it
I need you to promise that you'll hide it from them if I get tired or throw up. Come up with the excuses.
Promise me that you'll make me keep up my end of the bargain no matter what because I'll regret it forever if I don't do this.
Promise me you'll come with me to singing lessons. I know you don't need them at all but just sit with me while I do them. It scares me people will judge me because of who I am. Frida laughed and said "I'll do the bloody lessons WITH you. God knows what I sound like. The rest?" She met Anna's eyes and said firmly and surely.
"Little one. I promise"
