Legacy

The Healing Touch.

Bjorn woke slowly from his slumber and he couldn't remember when he had last felt so rested and comfortable. He'd had a lovely dream about Anna too. He always felt lucky when they happened. It set his day up well. Bjorn looked at his watch 0545. He'd slept the whole night through? When did that last happen? he wondered. He couldn't remember. He became aware of a weight on his right side and turned his head and saw the top of Anna's head covered in a little blue headscarf. The memory of what had happened last night roared through him like a steam train. It had not been a dream! She had stayed with him? He couldn't help the grateful sentimental tears that stung at his eyes. He looked down and her hand still rested on his chest and he remembered going to sleep after their mammoth talk with his fingers entwined with hers. He had kissed her wedding ring before they slept. He didn't want to move and disturb her just yet, they'd both had a rough and emotional night. He considered all that passed between them last night and he had really listened to what she'd had to say for the first time in so many years. He was not ashamed to admit that he'd broken down and cried in her arms when she'd told him that he was supposed to have come for her. He'd raged at and wept for his younger arrogant stubborn self who had realised his loss too late and didn't go and get her, she told him of her agonies on tour and that she had been pleased he'd found happiness. It was her turn to shed tears when he had finally told her what his life had been like and was still like. She soothed him when he'd told her he had lived for seeing her and when she cut him off it broke something in him. He'd understood finally when she told him of her need to keep him safe and the true lengths to which she had gone and he'd understood why she cut him off. It grieved them both immensely that there had been so much miscommunication and wasted time. He had many regrets. He had taken the easy way out all those years ago. He knew Anna's temper and he knew he HAD been unfair to her and the kids and when she had left, it was an easy way to get the life he had thought he wanted. When he'd met Lena it was like salve to his soul, he had wanted to show Anna he didn't need her, it was an uncomplicated relationship with no responsibilities, someone who didn't argue with him, never challenged him. A week it had taken him to replace Anna. He remembered uncomfortably not being able to look into her eyes when his new relationship had been disclosed in a band meeting and his over the top angry reaction that he'd had with her later that week that was borne out of guilt, the creeping knowledge that he'd made a massive mistake and the thought that he himself had set Anna free.
Then the rollercoaster had started, he remembered the divorce and signing away everything he loved but he was too stubborn and proud to put a stop to it and Anna hadn't said anything because she had assumed he was happy and he'd finally tired of her. She let him go because she loved him and she wanted him to be happy she had said last night. He wished someone had forced them to talk back then. All it would have taken was courage and a discussion like the one they'd had last night. He sighed. He had to let it go. What was done was done but he could start to make up for it in the time he had left.
He went back over everything that they had discussed, she had told him all she could remember. He marvelled at her monumental courage and tenacity through it all and he was humbled, absolutely humbled that she had managed all this time and they all owed her an aspect of their lives. He frowned as his bladder made its urgent need apparent and he sighed as he contemplated moving. He did not want to. He stayed as long as he could but eventually the need overwhelmed him and he gently got out of bed leaving the blanket round Anna. He opened the door quietly and popped across the hall to use the toilet and freshen up a bit.
He'd used the facilities and had just taken his shirt off and put it in the laundry basket when his heart was stopped by Anna screaming. "Jesus!" he dropped everything and raced back to his room. He slid into the room on his bare feet to see her sat up against the headboard looking terrified. "What is it Baby? What's wrong?" he asked as he broke her grip on the headboard and hauled her against his chest. He could feel her heart pounding so hard he feared for her. You couldn't fake this. He felt her literally collapse into him only to jump again as the door crashed open. He jumped as well and turned, immediately on the defensive. He saw Benny and Frida standing there both looking ready to do murder. Benny was armed with his guitar and Frida was clutching a wine bottle. "What's going on??" Benny asked frantically.    "Jesus Benny you scared me. I don't know yet. I just went to the toilet and took my shirt off. She was sleeping" Frida immediately relaxed. "Just a nightmare Benny, she woke up and Bjorn wasn't there. She probably didn't have a clue where she was. These meds can do weird things" Bjorn immediately looked crushed."I didn't think, I just needed to use the toilet" He tried to peel Anna out of his chest "She's gone back to sleep!" he said disbelievingly. His heart was still pounding and she'd gone back to sleep!! He looked at Frida and Benny properly then, Benny was clad just in pajama trousers brandishing a guitar and Frida, her hair all stuck up was wearing the matching top waving a wine bottle around. His lips twitched. "My avenging army?" he queried and burst out laughing "I thank you for your rapid response" he chuckled. "You two can explain to me later what occured last night and how we are lucky enough to be us four alone here. I love it but next time I'd like to remember some of it!" "I don't know what you're laughing about Bjorn" Frida pretended to be indignant. "I took one of the bastards on in Tokyo and won. I'll do it again too" Benny laughed out loud and Bjorn suddenly deadly serious said, "40 years too late but thank you for that Frida" "You're welcome Bjorn" she ruffled his hair affectionately. "Probably not worth going back to bed" she grumbled good naturedly. "Christian will come at 8." Benny agreed "I'll make some coffee." "Can we have tea today? The smell of coffee might make her sick again and she's had hours of it. Was she sick in the night Bjorn?" "If she was I didn't hear her" replied Bjorn horrified at the thought. Benny trod carefully past her to inspect the bucket. "No. Just as I left it, she hasn't been sick all night" he grinned at Frida recognising that this was a rare and special reprieve for Anna. "Does she have a tummy bug Frida?" asked Bjorn "It was something she ingested" replied Frida carefully. Benny was impressed at her ingenuity. She had not lied to Bjorn and yet she had told the truth.
"Best you wake her Bjorn" advised Benny. "If we do it it might scare her again. You can't sit on that angle with her for long. Your spine will snap" Bjorn would have happily ignored the discomfort for hours but he recognised the sense in what Benny was saying. "Ok, we'll be out in a minute" he replied. Benny left them to it and Bjorn heard he and Frida bickering just like they always did. He grinned. About time Benny caught a break he thought. He sighed as he looked down at Anna, he hated to wake her but it was necessary. He shifted her up so her head was resting on his shoulder and he whispered to her "Anna, come on darling. Time to wake up. She mumbled but did not stir. He fought a grin as he remembered countless situations as this with him trying to wake her. She loved to sleep. Did he dare wake her like he used to? He decided he did dare. So, he kissed her. Gently and carefully. Her lips were dry but still beautiful to him. He watched her eyes snap open and focus on him and then he watched the smile bloom in her eyes. He released her lips reluctantly and said "still works then?" She cleared her throat and said hoarsely   "Obviously" "I love your morning voice" Bjorn said. "Very husky." "Sorry, it's awful I know, it's age" "It's bloody sexy is what it is" Bjorn said feelingly. "Frida and Benny tell me we have to get up" Bjorn said grumpily "They're here??" Anna questioned. "Is it just us here?" "Just us four baby" Bjorn confirmed. "Are you sure?" "Absolutely baby. Christian will come at 8am to collect you and Frida she says" Anna broke into the most blinding smile he'd ever seen and he was dazzled. "What?" he asked confused. "What's the time?" she squealed. Bjorn consulted his watch "0630" she moved so that she straddled him again. "So we have time?" "Well yes but time for what baby?" "I want to see the house and the garden with you. I want to see it all so I can remember it" she smiled at him. "You don't need to remember it baby, you can come back whenever you like. We've kept you safe this time. We can do it again" he reassured her. "It'll be a lot of trouble, I won't cause issue again. I'm lucky to have had this time" she told him. "It's ok" she soothed him. "Anna, it's not ok. We can keep you safe here. I want you to come back. I want to remember the things that happen too. I don't remember you arriving last night, I don't remember if we ate, I remember finding you on top of me which was delightful, but nothing before that. I want to wake up with you knowing that you've been here all night. I'd quite like to not wear clothes in bed with you and even though you fill these jeans ridiculously well I'd like you out of them the next time we share a bed." She blushed deeply and Bjorn chuckled. He tucked her head back into his shoulder and sighed. "There will be a next time Anna. I promise" she nodded gently. "Ok" "no argument again baby?" she smiled and shook her head. "We're getting good at this" he said laughing. "I want to spend time with you Bjorn, I can't help myself. I shouldn't because you're married but God help me I can't stop myself" Bjorn managed to stand with her and he said "Please let me deal with it. You know how my life is now. Please don't cut me off again. I don't think I could live through it a second time." he begged her. "Bjorn we're so far past that I promise. I won't ever cut you off again. Not ever. I need you in my life and I'll take whatever you can give me" it was her turn to reassure him. She laid a gentle kiss on his bare chest as he put her down and said "How is it you're still so beautiful? "she mused. "Me?" Bjorn said surprised "I've never been the beautiful one, that's you baby" "You've always been beautiful to me, even when you hated me, Linda told me you're not allowed cream cakes because Lena says you're fat. I told her you'd never been fat in your life and you'd always been beautiful. They all laughed at me" she said "Well, I'm humbled and grateful for your defence of me and for the record I've never, ever hated you" replied Bjorn firmly. "Who laughed at you?" he frowned "Frida and Linda" said Anna bemused. Bjorn's expression cleared rapidly as he grinned in understanding "That's ok then" he said laughing. "Why are you laughing too? What is it that's so funny? It's true!" she protested fiercely "Baby, in your eyes it's true, you defend those you love with the courage of a Mama bear, they are laughing because they know you love me. In reality I'm a wrinkly, grumpy old man. You see me with the eyes of love and I'm so fucking grateful it's untrue!"
With those words he carried her into the bathroom and plunked her on the vanity unit. She was still struck dumb by what he'd said. "Just stay there where I can see you" he said. "I've missed seeing you in the mornings" she smiled as she remembered their morning routine, she always used to sit with him while he washed and shaved. Sometimes they chatted, sometimes they said nothing at all, it was so much part of them that it didn't matter. He saw her relax out of the corner of his eye and heaved an inward sigh of relief. He had thought she would reject him, he deserved it but no, she accepted his need to see her and maybe accepted her need to be there. His thought was interrupted by "Bjorn, I'm sorry. Can you lift me down. I need a wee" her voice was small. "Sorry, I should have thought" he lifted her down and went to leave the room. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Well, you need privacy" he hedged. "You've seen me have a wee a million times before Bjorn. It never bothered you then." she looked sad "I don't like this getting old thing" "Baby, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I can't assume stuff with you anymore." he explained. She nodded. "Ok. If you don't feel uncomfortable Bjorn you can stay while I have a wee. Is that clear enough for you?" He smiled at her "Yes. and no it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I'm back in my normal. Like we are rebuilding something"
He went back to shaving the straggly bits off his beard while she had her wee and paid no attention while she was doing so until she stood to pull her jeans back up. He caught sight of her in the mirror and noted a large blister on her left thigh. "Anna, what happened to your leg? Baby that looks sore." Anna flinched and said "I spilled my tea on my jeans last week. It is a bit sore but it's ok now" she had busied herself turning away and flushing the loo. She did not meet his eyes but Bjorn was distracted by the view of her jean clad bottom in the mirror. "Good God!" he said. "What's wrong?"asked Anna as she turned around. She came up behind him and peered at him in the mirror "Are you ok?" she asked. "Your arse" he managed. "What about it?" she was genuinely confused. "Anna, baby have mercy on an old man, I've just clocked your arse for the first time in an age. You're wearing tight blue jeans. It has an effect on me. Anna laughed out loud "Bjorn my arse is so old now, you'd be the only one that was affected by it!" "Believe me I am" he mumbled. He finished washing and turned around to lift her back up on the vanity unit. He stood between her legs forcing them apart and then linked his hands behind her bottom and pulled her forward forcing her into full contact with his whole body. "Feel it Anna! Don't doubt my reaction to you! It's been years since I've felt anything at all!" "That's not possible Bjorn, you've always been the most sexually driven man I've ever known! You don't have to flatter me you know."
"Anna" he growled impatiently " it has nothing whatsoever to do with flattery and everything to do with you and me. Believe me when I say I have felt NOTHING for years, decades even and the minute I have you around me again, I FEEL." He turned away from her to get a towel. "I'm sorry Bjorn. I didn't mean to upset you" she stammered. "Baby, I'm not upset. I'm trying to make you realise how special WE are together" he told her. "We need to get you a change of clothes to keep here" he grumbled. The rapid change in subject had her blinking in confusion. "Why?" Anna asked."Because I want you to stay here with me sometimes. I CAN keep you safe baby" "Bjorn I trust you with my life it's you I worry for" she told him carefully. "Well we will sort it out Anna. One way or another, we will. I will look after all of us"
He put some deodorant on and offered it to her, she smiled and took it, loving the intimacy and she would smell of him for the rest of the day. It would help, she knew. "Aftershave?" he offered grinning not expecting her to say yes. "Well seeing as I have nothing with me and I don't want to stink I'll have a bit here and here if you don't mind" she pointed to her collarbones and stuck her chin up. He laughed as he did it for her.
"Come on you two!!" Benny bellowed. We have breakfast and we'd like to share it. He lifted her off the vanity unit and bellowed back "We're coming! He went to find himself clean clothes while Anna fussed with her head scarf and wiped toothpaste round her teeth with her finger. She went out of the bathroom and made her way down to Benny and Frida. "Ok?" Frida asked gently as she hugged Anna carefully. "I really am" Anna said with some surprise. "I mean, better than I am normally. I slept all night and I don't remember being sick" "Don't think you were darling, the bucket was clean and empty this morning" Benny wandered in from the veranda having discreetly left when he had heard Anna coming. "Morning little one" she grinned up at him. "I'm so happy to be here with you all. So happy." she repeated. Benny gave her a gentle hug and said "Yes me too, thank god Bjorn bought it back hmm?" She nodded in agreement. "Is there any tea?"she asked "Definitely" laughed Frida. Benny tells me that Bjorn gave him the responsibility to stock up with provisions. We could withstand a world war!" Anna laughed at Benny's blush and Frida kissed his cheek.
Bjorn chose that moment to enter the room and he had to stop for a moment just to take in the tableaux in front of him. He hoped he would never forget this moment.
He saw Anna laughing, Benny red in the face and chuckling and Frida kissing Benny.
They all sat down at the table and Anna's eyes were wide as they looked round the kitchen diner. It melted her heart to see that nothing at all had changed in here. She had always loved this room. She grinned as she pulled the light down a little, they'd talked about this the other day. Bjorn caught her eye and smiled. Frida had put a tea in front of her. Anna sipped it and grimaced, reached for the sugar and put several spoons in, stirred it and had another sip. It still wasn't right. She put another two spoons in and tried again. That was much better. Bjorn's expression of revulsion made her laugh. "How do you feel today Anna? Can I make you porridge or an egg maybe?" Frida asked. "I have a headache and I feel nauseous but not as bad as I have felt" Anna replied carefully. What she wanted was a bit of dry toast but her mouth was so sore. She decided on porridge and then said "but it isn't fair on you to make it just for me" "Who said it was just for you?" Benny asked. "I'm having porridge" Frida fell in love with him just a little more. She knew porridge wasn't his favourite but here he was making Anna feel better. Benny got up to help Frida. "Bjorn what do you want?" he asked. "Toast, honey, jam, butter. Lots of toast" he grinned. He looked round the kitchen and knew he'd remember this day as the start of the rest of his life. Benny in pajama bottoms and a tatty t shirt messing about in the cupboard, Frida in the pajama top and what looked like a pair of Benny's boxers stirring porridge on the stove and Anna sat next to him sipping tea and smiling gently. He got up and started making toast.
They had all finished breakfast by 0715. Anna had managed half a bowl and while Frida seemed delighted Bjorn was concerned at her lack of appetite but thought she must be getting over her sickness. Benny and Frida went to dress while Anna and Bjorn did the washing up. Even this small task comforted both of them. They finished and Bjorn said "Do you want the tour?" "Yes please" Anna said eagerly. "I don't know where my shoes are though" "We'll find them as we go round. So you've seen the kitchen, living room is the same but I had to buy new sofas obviously. The kids and I used to use it a lot and we've been woefully lacking recently. It will change." Anna could see a TV, record player and incongruously an I pod dock. She wandered around and saw masses of books and DVDs on the shelves. There were some photos of them when they were younger. She turned to Bjorn questioningly. "For the kids, for me" he admitted carefully. He found her blue clogs behind the sofa and picked them up. He handed them to her. Smiling her thanks she dropped them on the floor to put them on and grabbed his arm to steady herself. He took her to the study, "It's the same desk" she said. "It is. I kept it, it was at Mono until I bought the house back" he replied. On the shelves were photos of the kids and the grandkids including Emma and Anna. She smiled to see it. She walked round the desk to look out of the window. When she turned back she saw a picture of their wedding day on his desk. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "That's just for me" he admitted. "No pictures of Lena?" "No, this is not her place. It is mine, yours, our children's, our grandchildren's. It belongs to us. And ABBA" she made it round the desk rapidly and threw her arms round him. "I love it, I love that you have it, I love you" she mumbled. "It's my safe place. It's Benny's safe place. I can see the children here and the grandchildren and I love you too" he said matter of factly. "Can I see the garden?" she asked.
"Come on then, of course you can" he took her out of the kitchen door and she gasped in pleasure "Oh Bjorn it isn't changed. I loved this garden. I still love this garden" she exclaimed happily. She held his hand tightly down the steps and then was pulling HIM along in her excitement. He grinned. "I can't believe it's the same!!" She found the seat that Benny and Frida had sat on and sat on it gazing round her entranced. "Do you see no difference?" asked Bjorn curiously. "No" Anna was delighted. He sat next to her and said " It was a lot of work to put it back how it was, but I needed it" He had her attention now. "I'll show you the pictures" he told her "Who did this?" Anna asked. Bjorn looked at his boots and wondered what her reaction would be, he doubted she would believe him. "Bjorn. You did this didn't you? Not some gardener. You did this. Why?""It gave me focus. A way to be close to you when you refused to see me. I was in a bad place Anna, for a lot of reasons and this saved me. This and the house" "Bjorn I'm so grateful. It's beautiful. I need you to do something for me." she said. "What do you need baby?" "I don't have long but before I go I want us to do what we used to in the garden" Bjorn's eyebrows shot right up. "With Benny and Frida here?? I'd like a bit more time than 15 minutes Anna!" Anna looked confused then she giggled and Bjorn watched entranced as it became a full on bellow of laughter. "Well ok, we'll save that for another day then" she wiped away her tears. "What I MEANT was I want to dance like we used too" "Oh!" Bjorn looked discomfited "I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed" he admitted. "I'll concentrate on delighted that you'd like to dance with me" he stood and held out his hand "Mr Ulvaeus" she said as she took it. "Miss Faltskog" he replied. She shook her head. "Give me this, just once more" Bjorn's eyes stung as he cleared his throat and said "Mrs Ulvaeus, if you will do me the honour?" "I will" she got to her feet and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Buried her face in his shoulder and they danced, they needed no music. It had always been in their hearts.
Benny and Frida watched from the veranda and turned away to let them be.
Benny heaved a contented sigh and pulled his beautiful Frida to him and said.
"For all of us the healing is begun and I thank God for it"