Bjorn spent a couple of hours tidying up with Benny after Christian had picked up the girls. Benny had been sure to tell him what he had told Lena so that their stories matched and Bjorn would not get into unnecessary trouble. Bjorn had laughed at Benny's ingenuity, Lena hated vomit and diarrhoea with a passion and had always refused to have anything to do with it, even when the girls were ill Bjorn had dealt with it all.He was delighted that Benny had remembered such a small detail, not to mention grateful. Benny had shrugged and said "It was the best I could come up with at the time" Bjorn patted his shoulder and said "It's perfect!" Bjorn made himself a list of what needed to come back with him when he returned, Benny added a few things. "Has Mona been in touch? You've been gone a day and a night" "No, she couldn't care less. The more I'm out of the way, the happier she is" Benny replied. "It really doesn't bother me anymore, I will do something about it Bjorn, fairly soon. Just so you know. Even if things don't work out long term with Frida I just can't live like this anymore" Bjorn was not surprised to hear it and actually was relieved. Benny deserved so much more than a life full of what was tantamount to bullying and psychological abuse. "Benny, that's good news. I'll support you all the way. It's long past time. As for Frida, you two adore each other. You'll work out something that works for both of you" Bjorn said kindly. "What will you do Bjorn?" Benny asked carefully "I don't know. I know what I want but I don't know if she will ever have me back. I have to work hard to regain her trust. Before I attempt any of that I need to talk to the girls. Then I need to confront Lena. I need to see her face when she tells me what she did. If even half of its true the suffering that she has caused Anna and my children is intolerable and cruel" Benny nodded in understanding "Nevertheless Bjorn, regardless of what happens you can't go on like this either, you don't love her, you never did and you spend your life shut away and working your arse off because you're hiding. You love Anna and you only have one chance now. We are too old both of us to mess about. Time is ticking." Bjorn looked at Benny, surprised by his impassioned speech. "What about my girls? Am I doing the same as I did to Christian and Linda. Am I selfish?"asked Bjorn "Bjorn your girls are grown, they love you and I'm sure they would want to see you happier than you are. They have their own lives. Selfish? Absolutely not. You've given up 40 years of your life for them. Talk to them. But it's time for you now" was Benny's answer.
Bjorn considered Benny's words all the way home, they had parted ways when Benny had taken the truck back to Polar to get his own car. He felt that Benny had a valid point. His worry was would his girls turn against him, Lena was their mother after all. He sighed as he pulled into the drive with no clear idea of what he was going to do. He sat in the car for a while thinking, he had no idea what he was hoping for really. None of this was going to be easy. On the one hand he hoped that everything Anna had said was true and that would make it easier to walk away and on the other he didn't know if he could face it if it was true because it meant his whole life was a lie and the only good thing to come out of the 40 years he had wasted was his beautiful girls. He didn't regret them for even half a heartbeat but Anna had always wanted more and he had denied her that chance.
He walked indoors and genuinely felt like a condemned man, he just wanted his Anna but to even have a chance, he had to go through this. He needed to know.
He walked into the house and put his keys down on the table in the hall. He took off his coat and hung it up then went to the kitchen. He was most surprised to see Emma sat on the stool "Hi Darling!" he said "This is a wonderful surprise!!" He gave her a massive hug and she returned it with interest "Papa what's wrong with you? You look terrible!" "I ate seafood yesterday and was really quite poorly. I had to stay with Benny. I've only just felt like I could get home" He didn't feel like telling her that he looked terrible because he was emotionally and mentally exhausted "Bet Mama didn't want you home did she?" laughed Emma. "Something like that" was Bjorn's reply. "You're a saint to put up with it Papa. Sometimes I don't know why on earth you do" "What do you mean?" enquired Bjorn with some trepidation. "Well Mama isn't happy with me today, I turned up as a surprise and it didn't go down very well and she's like that with you all the time. She says she's going out" Bjorn frowned and said."Well I'm over the absolute moon to see you darling, Can you stay?" "Of course Papa. I'd love to" she twinkled at him. "Coffee?" he asked. "You're allowed coffee? Emma asked shocked."I like coffee" was Bjorn's answer. "Would you like some how I used to make it when.." he stopped abruptly "like I used to make it years ago?" he amended quickly. "I would Papa. Linda says you used to make amazing coffee you know" Emma confided happily. "She does? Have you seen her?" "We get together as often as we can Papa, we have tea and cake sometimes." Bjorn felt a bit unbalanced, a feeling he seemed to be getting used to lately. He cleared his throat and said "I'm so glad to hear that darling. I didn't realise. I love you all so much" "We know Papa" Emma reassured him. "We didn't tell you because we know Mama wouldn't like it and she would make your life difficult. Christian and Linda are my family too, it's difficult to see them often but we do try" "When you say we does that mean Anna as well?" Bjorn asked carefully. "Yes of course Papa. We just don't want you in trouble with Mama and we don't want to be in trouble with her either" Emma sighed and said "I shouldn't have told you that, you have enough to deal with. I'm just cross with Mama. I'm sorry Papa" Bjorn took her hand and said "I'm so glad you told me darling. It makes me feel so much better. Are there any other secrets I should know do you think?" "There is one but I definitely can't tell you that one with Mama in the house, we should wait until she goes. I hope it'll make you feel better" she giggled conspiratorially.
Bjorn and Emma had been deep in conversation for a good while by the time Lena appeared. Bjorn hadn't seen Emma for a few weeks and was thoroughly enjoying the company of his daughter, he just couldn't believe where the years had gone she was 35! and Anna, she was 31. He shook his head in disbelief. Lena clattered around in the living room before she came through to them. "You're home then?" she said to Bjorn with a somewhat sarcastic tone to her voice. " You shouldn't eat seafood..it serves you right" "Mama! He's been ill. Look at him, he looks terrible" protested Emma. "I have no sympathy" sniffed Lena. " You should have let me know you were coming Emma, I would have told you not to bother. I have plans tonight, you might as well go." "I'm quite happy here with Papa thank you Mama. I can stay with you Papa?" she asked. "Darling, you don't ever have to ask I'd love your company anytime but tonight especially. I'm not feeling quite myself" he said truthfully. Lena was not pleased with this development at all and backtracked a bit by saying "Emma, it isn't a good idea. Your father is clearly unwell and isn't up to it" "Lena, I said I want her to stay, it's fine. I want to see her. It's been too long" Bjorn interjected tiredly. "Why is it always such a battle?" "But I'm going out" Lena repeated sharply as if Emma was not allowed to see Bjorn on her own. "Then as Papa is poorly I will stay with him. We have lots to catch up with" Bjorn fought to hide an admiring grin as he watched his beautiful daughter out manoeuvre her mother "Go and have a lovely evening Mama. Your friends will be waiting for you" Lena was most put out but could not show it. She could not tell her daughter that she couldn't see her Papa, but she was not at all happy for it to happen when she was not there. She liked to think that she was in control of everything and everyone in her family and she intended for it to stay that way but tonight she had little choice but to leave them.
"Papa, what do you want to do? Watch a movie? Music?" "I don't mind darling, I'm happy to spend time with you. It's a shame Anna's not here with us" Bjorn sighed "I'll call her, see what she's up too, it's early yet. I could get her to bring pizza, I'm really craving pizza" Emma offered "Mama would go crazy if we had pizza" Bjorn said warningly. "Papa, do you want pizza? When did you last have pizza?" she asked. Bjorn thought about it. "Honestly? I'd love pizza, I can't remember when I ate it last" Bjorn felt ridiculous even saying it. "Coffee AND pizza Papa. You old rebel you!" she leaned over and hugged him. She text her sister who was absolutely delighted and dropped the plans she had to come and have a night in just with Papa. It was a rare and special thing.
Anna had turned up with pizzas and wine a little later on and they had shared the wine between the three of them, Bjorn was stuffed with pizza and utterly content. He was sprawled on the sofa with his girls on either side of him, they were chattering and giggling as sisters do and he had half an eye on some action movie that Anna had picked out on Netflix. He wished that Linda and Christian could be here too but that wasn't possible. He sighed a little, his bubble of contentment punctured a bit. He idly wondered what his other Anna was doing right now. He'd only seen her this morning and yet he ached for her company already, which reminded him "Emma, what were you going to tell me after Mama left?"
"Oh yes! well seeing as it seems to be a day for rebellion and honesty and you seem much more receptive and relaxed tonight than you are normally..." "Emma! I'm always here for you both" said Bjorn hurt. "No, Papa that's not what I meant" Emma hastened to reassure him "It's just Mama is always here with you and we can't tell you some things when she is and whatever we say it always ends in an argument." Anna hugged Bjorn tight "Papa, we know Mama is difficult. We are adults now and we see it clearly. We just don't want to cause any more arguments for you" Bjorn sighed. "I can handle your mother, I've managed for a long time." "What we want to tell you is that sometimes when we see Linda we go to Ekero, not all the time Papa and it's only been for a year or so. It's nice because no one can find us there and no one knows we are there. Linda comes out and gets us. We get to be sisters there and there's no chance that Mama will find out." Bjorn was not as surprised as they thought he would be. He should have known Linda would make the effort. "I'm pleased for you" he was a little choked up.
"Mama always said that Linda and Christian were nothing to do with us, that they were crazy and you didn't love them either. That we were your children not them but that wasn't true. She told us that we only saw them and Agnetha on Christmas day every year because you felt sorry for them and they had nowhere else to go" "That couldn't be further from the truth Anna, they were necessary to me. I struggled to see them any other time. It was difficult" he said sadly. "I love you all desperately. You're all my children, equal." Emma comforted him and said "We know Papa, now we're older we feel guilty that Christian and Linda missed out on the amazing childhood you gave us to be honest. Well I do anyway" Anna nodded gently in agreement "but they've never resented us or been cross about it or been jealous. I would have been. But no, they just accept us as part of them" Anna added. "That's a testament to their mother" sighed Bjorn. "I screwed up their lives and she repaired the damage"
"We were always scared of her when we were younger, Mama told us such terrible stories about her and all the crazy things she used to do, Mama told us to keep away from her so we did. Christmas days we never went near her" Emma confided Bjorn remembered that but had thought the girls were just shy and that's what Lena had said too.
"Anna isn't crazy girls, forget the press, forget what Mama says, forget whatever else you've been told. She isn't crazy. She's had a difficult life and she still has issues to deal with that are not of her own making but she's sweet, kind and the best mother" Bjorn said gently. "Oh we know. It took Linda months to persuade her out to meet us, she stayed away from us because she knew all the time what Mama had been telling us. All the time Papa she knew and she never defended herself once. Linda told us, she didn't want to make trouble for us with Mama or for you" "Oh for Christ's sake, this is just totally unbelievable" spat Bjorn as he got up off the sofa in agitation. "It just gets worse. It's a wonder she ISN'T crazy!!"
"Papa, we like her, she's been really nice to us, she's so quiet though, I can't imagine how she ever coped with ABBA. She not like you is she?" Emma laughed. " I wish I'd have had your insight when I was your age" Bjorn commented tiredly. "Well, she not like Mama said she was. I do know that much" Anna said. "She says we look like you" Bjorn smiled at Agnetha's capacity for love and the words that Benny had said a few days ago came back to haunt him "she would have taken them on as her own" He couldn't keep torturing himself though, he would end up being the genuinely crazy one!
"I saw her the other day myself, she said yes to doing something for the Abbatars" Bjorn shared. "I haven't told your mother yet" "Papa, that's so amazing!! It's about time! It'll make the world smile...and you" said Emma. Anna said "We won't tell Mama" Bjorn sighed and said "she doesn't want me to do it, she knows Benny made the phone calls, she doesn't know I've seen Agnetha and Frida. Benny and I met up with them for dinner the other day. No one knows Frida is even in the country so you can't say anything to anyone" he begged. "Papa, we promise we won't say a word to a soul. We absolutely promise don't we Emma?" Anna reassured him hastily. "No, we won't Papa. This must be important to you"
You've no idea my darlings, we always intended to go back to ABBA, when things had healed a bit. It was never supposed to be the end. Benny and I didn't realise how good we had it, we got bored and complacent, thought we needed a new challenge. We never imagined that it would be the end" "Why didn't you go back Papa?" asked Anna curiously. Bjorn sighed and looked carefully at his two girls. "You're not children anymore. I don't know where the years have gone." He shook his head and sat back down with them. "It's a big question, why I didn't go back, why we didn't. There's lots of reasons. Primarily the damage Benny and I did to the girls, it was easier not to face it, Agnetha was massively damaged by the whole ABBA machine and I didn't understand her at the time. I let her down and I didn't want to make the same mistakes in my second marriage so when Mama wanted to move to England I did it. Ego. Benny and I were both too proud. And then we were too old" Bjorn answered truthfully. "What's different now Papa?" Emma asked curiously. "Fair question" said Bjorn then he answered carefully "ABBA were always at the cutting edge of technology, we have a chance to do this one last thing but because of the technology we will be forever young. You won't see us old fogies out on the stage. You'll see us in our prime. When we were at the top of the world. But we also would get to work together one last time. We are old now so this would be the farewell we should have given everyone 35 years ago. Not just faded away. Does that make any sense?" "Absolutely Papa"said Emma "Totally" was Anna's reply. "Will it bring you any happiness Papa? We want more than anything for you to be happy" Anna asked.
"More than I deserve" was his heartfelt reply.
