Lena came home to find Bjorn and the girls surrounded by pizza boxes and wine bottles. Bjorn had an arm around each daughter and they were all fast asleep on the sofa. Lena could not control the shaft of jealousy that she felt as she observed them. Her daughter's had never reacted to her like that no matter how much she had tried. She did not see that by being the way she was with them and their father, intimidating, controlling and always saying mean things about other people would make them pull away from her especially now they were older. Deep down inside her she knew that she wouldn't have chosen to have children if it was left up to her but Bjorn had proven in the early years of their marriage that he could not be torn from his children with that woman. He had insisted that they come to stay, to visit. They'd had to go on "family days out". She had made it very clear to Bjorn's children in a way that could not be mistaken that they were not welcome. Ever. She needed no reminder that he had loved another. He was hers. For Lena this was not a situation that could be borne so she had planned for children of her own even though she had never wanted them. It had worked for a long time and she had managed to persuade Bjorn to stay in England for 6 years working with her brother in an IT company. In the end though the pull of the music, a project that Benny had come up with and his children had forced them back to Sweden after years of rows.
She had deliberately told the girls that Agnetha was crazy, scary or dangerous at different times. She could see that Agnetha had a natural affinity with children that she did not share and she refused to see her bonding with HER children. She did not encourage Bjorn to see his older children, she did not approve of this at all and consequently Bjorn did not see his older two children much. She had made his life so difficult about it and threatened all sorts of things until he had given up trying.
She had played deeply on his need not to make the same mistakes in his second marriage and his need to get things right with his second set of children and in return she had money, a lavish lifestyle, she did not want for anything and she did what she wanted. He worked all the hours god sent now that the girls were grown and it did not bother her. It gave her freedom and more money. She had never really loved him if she was honest, she was in love with the rest of it but not him and it had always been the case. When she had started working in the offices at Polar she had her eyes on the prize. She had been young and beautiful and she'd had her eyes set on Bjorn from the very start. He was young and handsome and very, very rich. It had not bothered her that he was married and had children. She had her eyes set on the life that she wanted and she would have done anything to achieve it. She smiled to herself as she'd remembered the success of her cold and calculated campaign.
After the children had come along she had played on Bjorn's guilt that he hadn't dealt with Agnetha's post natal depression after Christian to her own advantage and in those years she had built the foundations for the life she had today. She certainly had not gone without in any department.
The only blip in her road had been her unexpected brush with cancer and to be fair to Bjorn he had stepped up to the mark and cared for her while she had been ill however, once she was better she had returned to her old life as had he. She was content with her lot in life, she had Bjorn just where she wanted him, except for the Abbatars. She did not wish for him to have any contact with his old life, her insecurities about ABBA were still there even after all these years.
She woke the three of them without any compunction and made several pointed comments about wine and pizza, she was very rude to Bjorn to such a point that Emma remonstrated with her. Bjorn hushed her and said "Leave it be darling, my lovely evening is worth all of this" Emma frowned and thought that it should not be this way for her Papa. She wanted him to be happy and it broke her heart that he wasn't. She resolved to talk to Anna when they were alone.
Lena made no bones at all about asking the girls to leave as she said it was very late and she was tired. Once the girls had left Bjorn immediately went to the kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water and some crackers. Lena followed him and said "I see you all had a nice evening" "We did thank you, it was lovely" he smiled. "Did you have a good night?" he was determined to make the effort. She did not answer. "What did you talk about?" she asked. "Oh this and that. I caught up on all the gossip and watched a movie" he replied guardedly. "Why did Anna come?" she demanded to know. "Emma asked her, she bought pizza and wine" "Well I'm not happy about it Bjorn, Emma came to see me and she should have left when I did" "Why?" asked Bjorn. "I wasn't doing anything, I was home for the evening. I wanted to see her and Anna was a lovely bonus." He smiled. "It's been an amazing week. I've seen all of my children and I've loved it"
Anna and Emma had made their way back in, determined to ask their father to meet them for coffee or lunch in the week and smiled as they overheard this. Emma had her hand on the kitchen door and was just about to go in when she heard Lena say "You're not bothered about your children most of the time. Why now?" Bjorn said "That is an outrageous lie Lena, I love my children, ALL of my children. As I remember when we had Emma and Anna, once they were here you weren't that interested. Especially when they were ill!" Both Emma and Anna knew this to be true and grimaced at each other. "I can't handle illness, you know that! Children are always sick when they are younger" she defended. "And now?" asked Bjorn quietly. "You criticise them constantly, you seem to not want them around, it was a lovely thing Emma did for you today. A surprise visit." "It was inconvenient Bjorn. She should have called. I had plans" "Our daughters are NOT an inconvenience Lena. They are my world! I often wonder why you bothered to have children you know. It grieves me that you do not have the mother daughter relationship that you should" he said quietly. He sighed and turned away to pour another glass of water. "Thankfully I am eternally grateful that you DID have children for I would not be without either of them" he said "Could you make time for them Lena? You are their mother"
"Yes Bjorn I am their mother but they are grown. I did my bit when they were children and you were swanning all over the world as I recall." Bjorn was indignant. "I did not swan all over the world as you put it. I made huge efforts not to make the same mistakes in this marriage as I did with Agnetha. I moved to England for 6 years for the sake of you and Emma. Anna was a wonderful surprise!" "Anna was a mistake!" Lena spat. "I'd finished having kids to make you happy. Emma was hard enough work" "Lena, you go too far Anna may have been unplanned but she was NEVER a mistake. I adore her!" Emma and Anna were beside themselves outside the kitchen door and knew that they should not be listening but they could not help themselves. In fairness, it was not much of a surprise to hear their mother talk like that. They had always run to Papa for this very reason when they were younger. They did not remember him being away much at all and they felt bad for Bjorn for what Lena was saying just wasn't true. The words of their mother pained them of course but any pain was much dulled by Bjorn's vociferous defence of them and his declarations of love. They felt lucky for sure. They were however curious as to where this argument would lead. Anna was sad to know that her mother viewed her as a mistake, she had a tear in her eye even though she was 31. She could not imagine feeling like that about her own child.
"Just a minute" said Bjorn. "What did you just say to me?" "I'm not in the habit of repeating myself Bjorn" Lena sniped. She had drunk plenty of wine during her evening out and unfortunately for her it was loosening her tongue. "You just said you'd finished having kids to keep me happy. What does that mean exactly Lena?" Emma and Anna held their collective breath. Whatever was said next would more than likely explain the roots of their troubled and distant relationship with their mother. "I had Emma to keep your mind on us. You were always worrying about Linda and Christian and thinking about them. It was not to be tolerated Bjorn. You are MINE" Lena confided tightly. "I saw it Bjorn, you would have gone back eventually. Those crazy kids were my Achilles heel. I had Emma knowing you wouldn't leave my kids like you did hers" For a moment Bjorn had no words to say, then "You never wanted either of them?" he breathed shocked. "Never?" he was devastated and the girls could hear it. They were distraught for him and themselves. "Are you seriously telling me that the ONLY reason you had Emma and Anna was to keep me?? You played on my deepest fears??" His voice was rising in agitation. "My beautiful girls are not pawns in your sick games Lena. They are my babies!" He shouted. Lena was on the defensive "Yes I know and that's why you'll never leave me. They love me and I'll turn them against you Bjorn, just like I did with Anna, in answer to your question of course I never wanted them" she smiled in victory "Poor Bjorn, always children are your weakness" Bjorn felt sick to his stomach. Emma and Anna were not doing much better outside the door and ached for their poor Papa. Anna wanted to go barging on in and defend her Papa but Emma stopped her sensing that there was more to come. She was right.
Bjorn stalked across the kitchen and stood leaning on the counter by the kitchen door, he could not bear to be any closer to Lena than he had to be. "I spent time with Christian the other day Lena. What do you think he had to tell me hmm? When I questioned him why Agnetha wouldn't accept her maintenance money from me ever. What do you think he told me?" "I've no idea" Lena snapped "and I don't care. I told you not to see them. Your life is with me now. They mean nothing" Emma and Anna winced and were shocked at the depth of their mothers duplicity "Bjorn was wounded and came back fighting." They are my babies too. Mine Lena. I say again I love them all EQUALLY" Lena said "They are not mine, they are the children of a whore and I will not tolerate them around you." "Anna is NOT a whore Lena" Bjorn shouted, finally at the end of his endurance. "She is my ex wife, I chose you over her, that should have been enough for you" "No, Bjorn. You chose your children over her, not me. That's why I had Emma. I would never have had children otherwise. Anna was shall we say? Unexpected." Lena replied. "You would have gone back to them and begged her to take you back if I hadn't have got pregnant and I couldn't have that now could I Bjorn?" Bjorn thought back over the years and realised that it was true. He had realised very early on in the marriage that he had made a massive mistake and had Lena not got pregnant, their marriage would have ended nearly before it had begun. He shook his head. "It isn't my kids and Anna that are crazy. It's you!" he spat "What Linda and Christian told me is right isn't it? I don't need you to confirm it anymore." he sighed. "They said you terrified them as children, told them they weren't welcome. You told them I didn't love them. You told them their mother was crazy and for good measure you told Emma and Anna exactly the same" "I'm proud of it Bjorn and I'd do the same again. I've kept you and my family together" she said determinedly. "Did you do it all out of love for us Lena? That would make it somewhat bearable? Bjorn asked. "Or did you destroy all of my kids lives and mine for your own selfish needs? Because you wanted this life? Because you wanted me as a trophy?" "Don't pin all this on me Bjorn, you are as guilty as me. You left your wife and kids for me. Remember? Those kids that you say you love with your life. You abandoned them for me and left them with a crazy woman." "She isn't crazy" Bjorn growled. "You're right, it's something I've wondered about every day for nearly 39 years but that's my cross to bear. I will never forgive myself for it. But I tried to atone for my sins with Emma and Anna" Bjorn considered his next move "Last thing then, you may as well complete my downfall. Nothing will change. You have me over a barrel. I won't hurt my children" he paused gathering his thoughts "Won't you tell me why Agnetha refused any child support from me from 1981 onwards?" Lena was arrogant and had no compunction in telling Bjorn what she had done. In her mind it was decades ago. Emma and Anna held their breath also. "I stopped it Bjorn. There's was no way I was going to allow her to take money that was mine and my kids. I told her to refuse to take it or I'd convince you she was a crazy unfit mother and we would take her kids away and you would hate her and her kids would hate her and I'd make sure she never saw them or you again" she snorted derisively. "It was so easy Bjorn. She was still so much in love with you back then, it was tragic and the poor woman put her kids first and you. A man who left her behind for another woman." Bjorn was poleaxed and battled not to show it "That was unbelievably cruel of you Lena, that wasn't your money. It was my money, that I earned for my children. Agnetha had a right to some support from me. I left her behind. It is my job as a father to support my children!" Bjorn stated quietly. "Is it all about the money Lena? Is there some small part of you that cares for us? he asked curiously. He wasn't sure he minded anymore what the answer was. Who would ever have thought his life would have been turned upside down in the space of a fortnight. He knew that he loved Emma and Anna with everything he had. He would talk to them and try to explain that he couldn't live like this anymore. He hoped they loved him enough to understand. He was interrupted from his musings by Lena saying "I have everything I ever wanted. Emma and Anna are mine" she walked away and Bjorn let her. He was done for tonight. He watched her disappear up the back staircase and wondered how he could have been so wilfully blind. He turned sharply and left the kitchen, needing a whisky and literally fell over Anna and Emma. He managed to keep himself on his feet and said "I thought you two had gone!" He threw his arms around them both hugging them tight to him. "God, I love you both so much" he froze as the thought trickled through his mind "Oh Jesus, how long have you been stood out here?" he looked grief stricken and Anna said "Papa, we came back to ask if you would meet us for lunch next week? Or come over? We'd love it. Just you."
"How much of that did you hear?" he asked carefully. "Honestly? every single bit Papa" said Anna "We won't lie to you" added Emma gently "But Papa, its going to be ok, we are sad but it explains so much of why Mama is the way she is. It makes sense now." Anna said "You've always more than made up for it Papa. It's good to have some answers you know?" Bjorn was devastated."if I'd have known you were still in the house, I never would have started that conversation" he said sadly. "You should never have heard all of of that. It wasn't meant for your ears" More guilt ate at him. "Papa, please stop. Maybe it was time." Emma said. "We're not going to pretend that it hasn't affected us Papa" Anna added "but we know you love us and perhaps Mama loves us in her way, but what she's done to you and Linda and Christian isn't right"
They walked back into to the living room and Bjorn poured himself a small whisky. He sat back down on the sofa and both girls were concerned, their Papa looked tired and defeated. They tried to console him. "Papa, please don't look like that" Emma pleaded. You've done NOTHING wrong. You've done your job and protected us from the worst of her since we were born" He sighed and rubbed his face. "It wasn't enough, it was never enough" he looked up at them and they were shocked to see that he had tears in his eyes "I didn't know most of that and I'm more sorry than I can ever say" he said miserably. Both girls sat with him on the sofa with him. "Papa, the most important thing is, we love you and you love us. You did your absolute best and we are so grateful you can't imagine. Emma wriggled until she was back in Bjorn's arms. "Papa, just so you know, Mama could never ever turn us against you. Not before and definitely not now." Anna came in from the other side and said "she's right Papa, as Mama says we are grown we love you and we would never leave you. It makes it easier now we know both sides of the story or at least some of it" Bjorn couldn't help the sense of relief that their acceptance of the situation gave him. He was not naive and knew that the situation was not resolved but their reassurances had eased his mind. "Will you be ok tonight Papa?" asked Anna. "Yes darling, I'll be fine" Bjorn replied. "You want to come back with one of us?" offered Emma. "Surely you don't want to stay here tonight?" Bjorn smiled and said "I'd be dreadful company but I love you for offering. No, I'll be fine. You two should go, it's getting late" ever the protective Papa. There was a round of mutual reassurances and Bjorn accepted their invitation to meet them for lunch. He saw them into their respective cars and waved them off. He wandered back into the house. He didn't know what to do with himself. He went upstairs and opened the bedroom door and he was greeted by the sound of Lena snoring. This was no place for him tonight. He debated what he wanted to do and suddenly came to a decision. He had only had a small whisky and that was a while ago so he picked up his phone and keys and left the house. What he really wanted was to go to Ekero and let Anna take his pain away but he was not sure of his welcome and he was bad company anyway.
There was only one answer for the tortured man that was Bjorn.
Vallentuna Sanctuary.
