The remaining days of chemo were as horrific as Anna had warned, she was bloated from steroids given to calm her reaction to the chemo, she was foul tempered and rude and her temper was made worse by the fact she couldn't see the children or Linda as both Signe and Esther had picked up colds from school. She couldn't afford to catch a cold as the chemotherapy had compromised her immune system. By the time Friday came around she was literally at the end of her tether, her mouth was full of ulcers and she had a painful cold sore that bothered her immensely. She was in floods of tears most of the time, totally ashamed of herself and all she wanted was Bjorn despite her behaviour indicating otherwise. To his credit Bjorn never faltered, he weathered everything she threw at him with patience and good humour, when he was forced to take a break Frida sat with Anna while Benny listened to Bjorn's agonies. The three of them held Anna's life in their hands and they knew it, she was ready to give up but they wouldn't let her and even Benny faced her temper to tell her a few gentle home truths. She couldn't face even going to the pool in those few days so her pain seemed magnified.
That last day at chemo seemed absolutely endless and Bjorn witnessed first hand the last of the indignities that Frida had described, Anna had a long hallucination that had emotionally flayed him as he finally saw Anna reliving her days of watching him with Lena after their separation, he'd held her tightly as the grief and pain flowed out of her in a seemingly eternal torrent. He'd listened as she'd begged and cried for his younger self to love her, to come back for her, to not leave her he'd answered as his younger self to ease her hallucinating mind. He'd refused drugs for her knowing that she needed to let all this go and he needed to hear it. She couldn't leave it to fester anymore and he thought even if she couldn't remember her hallucination, letting it happen might ease her subconscious and her nightmares.
Bjorn never once let her go during that hallucination, he refused to leave her and he kept his promise to her. He learnt everything she had ever hidden from him and so much made sense to him now. He was grief stricken but knew that this was yet another new start, she was not capable of hiding anything from him and after 50 years he finally knew how much she truly loved him, how much she really meant when she said those three words and he realised how much he really loved her, he thought he knew but he realised that he did not, not until now. The hallucination lasted over two hours and he could see when it was finally easing its grip on her, he kept talking to her as she came round, hoping that his voice would give her something to aim for, he was soaked in her sweat and both of their tears but Bjorn wouldn't have been anywhere else. Her eyes fluttered open eventually and he was delighted to see that they looked clearer than they had for 24 hours. She blinked at him and it seemed to him she was waiting to see if he was real so he stroked her damp hair and kissed her sweaty forehead "I love you Bjorn" were the first words she managed, even though they were hushed and a bit broken he heard her like he never had before "I know and I love you too baby" he returned she fidgeted "Why are we both wet?" she had a perplexed frown on her face then he saw a horror struck expression dawn on her face "no baby no, no no. You didn't wet the bed I absolutely promise you" he reassured her rapidly knowing it was one of her deeper fears "You've just had a massive hot flush baby, it's ok" "Oh god Bjorn I'm sorry why didn't you move?" "Because I didn't want to" was his simple answer and that meant the absolute world to her. The doctor came to check on her and Anna asked for some pain relief and if she could have a shower, the doctor was agreeable to this as long as Bjorn stayed with her. He caught the ferocious scowl that Bjorn sent his way and had to hide a smile. He left them to it after he had changed Anna's drip and Bjorn locked the door "Alone at last" he quipped. Anna nodded and smiled softly "I need you Bjorn" he eyed her seriously "not as much as I need you baby" he said. He lifted her off the bed and into the en suite and sat her on the chair, he proceeded to undress her gently and then undressed himself. He helped her into the shower keeping a tight hold on her because she was wobbly but as he went to pull the seat down from the wall for her she said "No, I want to stand with you. I need to feel you, I want to touch you" he went to protest but she beat him to it "You won't let me fall Bjorn, I trust you. Please let me" He never could deny her anything so he let her have her way and they stood under the shower with Anna leaning on Bjorn for a fair while, Bjorn eventually grabbed her soap and flannel and washed the bits of her he could get to and he could tell that it was relaxing her because she was humming in contentment. When he had finished he made haste to wash himself and was delighted that Anna had the energy and wish to wash his back, that's all she managed but to him it was a miracle.
Eventually he helped her out and dried her off gently before rummaging for their change of clothes, he had learnt and bought a set of sloppy clothes and a set of smarter clothes for both of them. He concentrated on her first and then himself before unlocking the door, he went to chat to the same nurse who happily bustled in to change the bed linen Anna managed to muster a lovely smile of thanks She was exhausted and she still had one more to go before it was finally over "What do you want to do baby?" "I want to lay on the bed with you, I want to be really indulgent" Bjorn lifted an eyebrow "I want to watch the movie, I haven't watched it for 40 years. Does it smack of arrogance?" she asked "Anna, anyone less arrogant I've yet to meet" Bjorn snorted in amusement "Which movie?" "Ours baby, I want to see it. I'm so tired but my head is clear. I want to watch it with you" Bjorn thought he understood then "You mean ABBA the movie don't you?" She nodded. He shook his head "Really Anna? It's terrible!!" "I believe it's so bad it's good" she retorted loftily but with a smile in her voice "besides we were so happy then, I want to see it" Bjorn indulged her and found it on his laptop and cast it to the tv.
They settled in the bed, Anna had gone the other way and was shivering with cold so Bjorn got under the bedclothes with her and she'd deliberately focused on the film and him. Bjorn wasn't really expecting to enjoy it, he was highly critical of his early work but clearly things had changed for him as he watched it with wiser eyes he could see why Anna wanted to see it again. Disregarding the absolutely silly story that was interwoven between the concert footage the rest of it he found that he had a new affection for. He felt the energy and the passion that they'd all had for it then, he saw the love and joy in their eyes, in all four of them and he found it in his heart to feel sad for those young people who knew not what would follow. He smiled at Anna's shyness on screen but her power on stage, he looked down at her and she was watching intently "You ok?" he asked "My arse was great wasn't it?" was her unexpected reply "god knows why I thought it wasn't at the time" Bjorn couldn't help his laughter "baby your arse is still the greatest arse I've ever seen, it's obsessed me since the second I first set eyes on it but yes you were totally on fire in Australia" "I did love it Bjorn, I promise I did, I wouldn't have done it if you weren't next to me though" she whispered "and I couldn't have done it without you so we're even" he told her gently. They laughed at the ridiculous story, winced at some of the fashion, Anna moaned that she looked fat compared to Frida in some of the Swedish sequences "Anna, you were pregnant not fat and I think you did a great job of covering it. You looked amazing" she huffed disbelievingly "You DID, you always had a really special sexiness about you when you were pregnant. It drove me insane" he admitted "I told you that weeks ago"
They came to the end of the movie and Anna smiled in satisfaction "I like it, I can live with it. Decent 70's kitsch" she yawned and said "I feel very sick but not as bad as I thought. I expect it'll hit later" Bjorn wondered if it would because she really had been through the mill over the last three days and nights. Today she'd suffered though he hoped she would not remember, he hoped that sickness was all that was left and she could start to heal, he knew her mouth ulcers were upsetting her terribly and her general aches and pains. He was distracted from his thoughts by her snuggling down and settling to sleep "Bjorn, just so you know I want to walk out of here under my own steam, on my own two legs. I want to finish this with some dignity but don't let go of my hand. I want to walk out of here with you" Bjorn's throat closed with emotion, he hadn't expected that "Baby I promise I won't let go, it'll be the best walk of our lives" he told her. He heard her hum with satisfaction and they both settled to count the minutes left to the end, listening for the final beep of the machine as it emptied the bag.
It was a somewhat anticlimactic moment when that beep finally came Anna thought, she had been waiting for this moment for over a year but now it was here she found she was more interested in what came after, in the life she could live now, her new family with Bjorn. It just felt like it was an irritating delay. She hopped out of the bed quicker than Bjorn was expecting and pushed the button for the nurse, Bjorn grinned at her and climbed out of the bed wandering over to kiss her gently "Here's to the rest of our lives baby, whatever comes our way. I love you" "I love you too" she placed her hands on either side of his face and looked him straight in the eye letting him read everything that they held "I LOVE you" she said emphatically. They hugged momentarily and then the nurse came in to disconnect her and cap off her chest cannula with a smile and a murmured congratulations before leaving them to it. Bjorn helped her to dress, a long loose red dress kind of in the gypsy style that he'd found in the back of her wardrobe with a black sparkly cardigan and her normal clogs, this time in black. They were interrupted by someone knocking on the door, Bjorn went to answer it and was greeted by Linda and Christian closely followed by Frida and Benny. Bjorn was surprised to see them all and yet he wasn't, he should have known that while Anna had wanted no fanfare these four would want to be here and accompany Anna out of the clinic and support her like they always had.
After the emotional round of hugs and kisses Bjorn left them to it while he went to change in the bathroom and compose himself. Frida had come prepared, Linda had painted Anna's fingernails and given her some light makeup while Christian had sat behind his Mama to give her something to lean on, Frida did her hair and Benny had busied himself packing up all the luggage that Bjorn and Anna had been using.
"Thank you for all coming, it means a lot" Anna managed "I didn't know you would and it's an amazing surprise" "Mama as if we would miss this, you've fought so hard and while you don't want the bell or the fanfare we all wanted to take this walk with you. This is the one we've all been waiting for and we all need to see you do it as well" Linda said softly "and I promised I'd remind you every day how close we were and today Mama I can finally say this is the last time we will be here" Christian added "as for us" Frida chimed in "Us four have been to hell and back and this time we walk out all together" Benny said nothing at all, he just kissed Anna's forehead and stroked her hair a little, no words were needed.
Bjorn emerged from the bathroom looking very smart casual and was greeted with Anna looking amazing with Frida on her knees in front of her, Christian was behind his Mama and Linda was to the right. Benny was faffing about behind them all picking up bits and pieces and Bjorn found himself unable to resist recording the moment making them all focus on him for a photo and it was Anna's smile that said it all for him, totally serene.
Benny and Christian insisted on taking the bags and all four of them were surprised to hear that Anna was insisting upon walking out under her own steam but they all understood why she wanted to. Bjorn squatted down in front of her "I love you baby, whatever comes our way. You ready to do it?" Linda and Christian crowded in on them for a hug then backed off to let Benny and Frida in "Showbiz smile Anna darling" Frida reminded her "Give them hell little one" Benny winked at her.
Anna took that walk in her stride, megawatt smile firmly in place with Bjorn pacing next to her holding her hand, their children came next proud of their mother and overwhelmed to see their parents holding hands in public and bringing up the rear were Benny and Frida also holding hands much to everyone's delight.
Tired though she was, she did not falter nor stumble and as she was surrounded by those who loved her most she finally achieved her walk of life.
