A/N
THIS CHAPTER HAS MATURE CONTENT THROUGHOUT. IF IT ISN'T FOR YOU PLEASE DON'T READ. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T WANT TO READ IT, ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS IT BRINGS THEM BOTH A STEP CLOSER TO THEIR NEW WORLD. X
The day of his court date finally dawned and Bjorn was fighting a peculiar mixture of dread and relief, this time he was the one up at crazy o clock in the morning unable to sleep because his mind was churning with every possible outcome, every possible issue and he didn't want to wake Anna who needed all the sleep she could get to heal.
He was sat in the sun room in the recliner that he'd bought over from Mono, watching the sun rise out of the windows nursing a long forgotten cup of coffee, wrestling with the vagaries of life and his regret over long ago decisions, how he wished he could go back in time and talk to his younger self. Tell him how wrong he was, how dark his life would become, how dark and bitter HE would become. He looked at his ring back on his finger after so long and grieved for all the time it had been gone, he'd never worn a ring again after he'd lost this one.
That's where Anna found him when she woke to find the bed cold and empty and had gone looking, she had come on in leaps and bounds with accepting that Bjorn would never leave her and so she hadn't been terrified like she used to be but she hadn't liked it though and the need to find him was strong. He was disturbed from his thoughts by her sliding onto his lap and wrapping him in her arms "I missed you" she whispered and pressed her lips gently to his, his hand came up to stroke her cheek "I'll never be far from you Anna" he whispered "what are you doing up? You need to sleep baby" "I missed you" she repeated "I don't need sleep, I need you" she smiled at him and he smiled back "not as much as I need you" he shared "here I am" she said on the wisp of a laugh. She backed off a bit to look into his eyes and then got up and locked the door before pulling the curtains. He narrowed his eyes at her "What are you up to?" he asked "demon chasing for both of us" came her cryptic answer. She took the cold cup of coffee out of his hand and put it out of the way "we need to focus on why we are doing all this Bjorn, we need to remember how we got here, that we are worth fighting for" she undid his robe and smiled happily at his helpless reaction to her "I want you to be thinking of this today when you are sat in the courtroom, think of this when you look at your ring" Her reaction to him was equally helpless "we can be quiet Bjorn. I can do it" she promised. His eyebrows lifted and a gleam of pure devilment sprung into his eyes "I don't think you can Anna baby, you never have been able to in all the years I've known you" he delighted in her blush "I can do it" she repeated fiercely "Are you challenging me Miss Faltskog?" he asked as he pulled her towards him by her robe belt ""does it occur to you ever that I love hearing you moan, knowing its just for me. Does it occur to you I wonder that when you moan for me it turns me into a sex crazed maniac? Just for you" she shook her head "it doesn't?" he queried "then I have been remiss all these years" "you have, you need to make it up to me Bjorn, you're not always the quietest you know" she reminded him cheekily "but I doubt Frida and Benny will even be conscious at 0430 baby and we are a long way from them" "You don't have to persuade me Anna" he rumbled quietly as he focused on the belt of her robe "You've never had to persuade me" she frowned gently "I feel like I have to now, I feel that you look at me differently. I won't break Bjorn. I know I've been ill but you won't touch me much more than for comfort, we've only made love once because I forced you into it. It scares me that you might never touch me like you used to again" her words were muddled but he knew what she meant "I really don't blame you, we've been through a lot" she hastened to reassure him "but I won't give up" Bjorn sighed and tugged her firmly towards him "How far we have come" he commented "last time round you never would have been brave enough to say that to me and if you had we'd have ended up in arguments and tears, with me stomping off yelling and you crying" he brushed her fringe out of her eyes tenderly "Anna, its because I want you TOO much I think.You've NEVER had to force me but I worry that you're not well enough, I worry that I'll hurt you, I worry that you'll think our whole relationship is based on whether we can make love or not. We are so lucky Anna that it's still so much part of us at our age but it isn't the only reason I love you. I'd love you regardless" he looked pained as he tried to explain it to her "I love every bit of you and I want you to feel totally well before we get back to our normal. I want you so much but I'm scared Anna, for both of us. I'm scared to let myself go" he lifted his eyes to meet hers "stupid isn't it?" her brow crinkled in thought as she considered what he'd told her and her eyes were soft as she looked at him "no baby, I understand. I do, you're right we've come such a long way. I need our normal back Bjorn, every wonderful, argumentative bit of us. You know me, you'll know what I can handle you won't get it wrong. I want to feel us live and the only person I can share that with is you. I want you to let yourself go, I want me to be able to let it all go and you're the only person who can make me do that. We can make a new world Bjorn, I want that" she wiped her eyes "I want that world with you and even if we only take a baby step today, even if you don't want me today I want to start proving to you that I won't break, that I'm better, that I don't always need taking care of, I won't always need help, that I'm a worthy life partner" his chest expanded as he listened to her talk "Anna, you'll always be so much more than a worthy life partner. That isn't what this is about. I want to cherish you and there never has been nor ever will be a second that I don't want you. I WANT you, dear god I want you" he whispered and he pulled her to him roughly "how could you think that I don't?" he questioned disbelievingly "I nearly lost you before I fucking found you, I have to take care of you, be gentle with you. I can't lose you again Anna don't you see??" he demanded and suddenly it all became clear to Anna, the wave of relief that hit her was like a tsunami "yes I do see Bjorn and that's why you're the only one I've ever really trusted, the only one I feel safe with" she told him gently as she cupped his face "you're the only one who can bring me home from my darkness, the only one who I would ever allow to take control and want to make love with, the only one who sees me as I am. You're my 'only' Bjorn and you know it. I trust you to love me baby. Its time for you to trust yourself as much as I trust you" she settled gently on his lap. She undid her own robe for Bjorn was still digesting her words and now she knew what his problem was she picked up his hands, placed a loving kiss on each hand and then placed them on her breasts, her vulnerability and insecurity literally in his hands at his mercy "Bjorn I trust you, you won't hurt me. I want my Bjorn to come back every bossy demanding inch of you. I trust you to love me baby as I am" she repeated.
She held her breath as she watched him "Everything?" he whispered "God yes I want everything" she breathed "Do you realise what you've done Anna?" as his hands started to move gently "I've given you my vulnerability Bjorn, I've given you the bits of me that should make you run screaming and yet here you are" "You are so fucking beautiful to me and you don't know it" he told her his focus totally on her breasts "keep telling me and I might learn to believe it" she teased "then I'll tell you every day for the rest of my life" he promised as his eyes flashed up to meet hers. He used the sides of her robe to pull her forward "You promise that you trust me?" he queried "I promise baby" and her words were taken away from her as he lifted her forward and to her utter shock his mouth closed around her nipple. She struggled for a second, more of a kneejerk reaction but his grip tightened like steel, his "No Anna!" was commanding and he swapped his attention to her other nipple "You told me they were mine, so I get to do what I've been wanting to do for months" "You have?" she managed to stammer "I've told you over and over that I love them, I love you and I love your scars. I told you that at Viggso didn't I?" he demanded nibbling gently. "I've always loved your breasts and now is no different. I love giving them my full attention" he broke off to return to her nipples but this time he held nothing back and this time she felt it, this time she felt the pull right down to the depths of her soul and she forgot herself in her wonder and bewilderment and cried out. "You lost the bet Anna" Bjorn growled happily as he hastily put a gentle hand over her mouth "You fucking felt that didn't you?" she nodded and mumbled yes behind his hand and her tears were happy ones "God yes" she whispered when he took his hand away a little "I know you felt it Anna, tell me how I know" he whispered in her ear "because I'm...." she hesitated as he nibbled at her neck "tell me Anna or I'll leave you a reminder that you'll see for days. She remained stubbornly silent and she swore she felt his lips curve into a smile against her neck before he latched onto the sensitive skin there and sucked gently, she fought with everything she had to remain silent and when he came up for air he praised her with a wicked grin "good girl" he said approvingly. Anna was beyond turned on, everything seemed magnified to her and she was loving it, she wasted no time telling him so which made him groan in protest "Anna, if you keep on like that I won't last" she touched the mark she could feel on her neck and bit her lip "I don't think I want you to last, I don't have time for you to last" she shifted forward impatiently "Anna I don't want to hurt you" she could tell he was at the end of his endurance, it had been so long since he'd allowed himself to be like this with her "you won't hurt me Bjorn, feel me. After this you'll have proved it to yourself and then I never ever want you to hold yourself back again. I want you to be everything that you've ever been with me in bed with no hesitation and no doubt. This is us baby"
If it was possible Bjorn became more turned on as he absorbed her words, his fears settled as he recognised that she was right. He would always know her, he would always be able to read her and her illness and fragility hasn't changed that, he saw that she needed him to be normal with her now and he needed it too. They needed to move out of the shadow of cancer, illness and treatment, they needed to move on from the drama of their reconciliation and hopefully after today free themselves from the shackles of Lena and this he decided would be his first step, he would give her what she asked for, him unfettered and free.
He pulled her towards him roughly and she wilted with relief as she registered the determined change in his expression. "Anna" he whispered in her ear as he manuovered her expertly until they were locked together "you will come for me won't you" his voice hitched as he felt her involuntary movements around him but it wasn't a question, he stilled her hips and held her tightly "I will, I want more. I want to feel it all" she gasped frantically. He felt her flood him like she had before her treatment and that ripped every last vestige of hesitation from him, her body could not lie to him and so he gave her everything she asked for, he talked to her and he told of the things he had planned for her when they were truly alone. His own words were turning him on to the point of pain but he was determined that he would ride out her first orgasm with her and then he'd push her to another. He'd make sure she never had reason again to doubt how much he loved and wanted her but he thought all his plans were blown out of the water when he realised how close she really was, she buried her face in his shoulder to muffle her moans and he felt her explode around him. He'd never felt anything like it before, not even with her and he battled to silence himself as much as her. She lifted her head "please" she was struggling to breathe "I need more" and he found that they were both right, he did know what she needed so he shifted position and used his fingers to their mutual advantage "wait till I get you in a proper fucking bed" he growled "I can't move enough" he felt the sweat break out in waves across her skin and he felt her settle onto him and his fingers. Now she was the one struggling to let go but he was too close. He dragged her out of his neck and pinned her with his gaze "Let go Anna. Fucking let go, I want you to come with me, I need you to come with me. LET GO! he whispered harshly and he bent to take her nipple in his mouth, he wasn't particularly gentle but it was just what she needed, she buried her face back into his neck and wound her arms tightly around him and finally let go.
Bjorn didn't think he'd ever felt anything so intense ever before, he'd held onto Anna as tightly as she'd held him and he was grateful for her small hand over his own mouth reminding him where they were, they were as bad as each other he knew, he was sure he saw stars and he was equally sure that nothing in his body was ever going to work again after his own release. He felt absolutely weak and totally euphoric but he still managed to shelter Anna in his arms as they both fought to steady themselves, she was his equal he mused, she'd known intuitively that he'd had an issue and unlike their first time round she'd tackled it head on just like he had with her issues. He grinned tiredly as he realised that they really had finally learnt their lessons from the past for he knew that when he was younger he would have been too arrogant to show any sign of weakness to Anna. He trailed his fingers up and down her back making her shiver "I fucking love you" he whispered "and I love you" she whispered as she sat up making him hiss as he was so sensitive "Sorry" she whispered "I don't know how to get off without hurting you" he tipped her chin to look at her "baby you're not hurting me, you feel amazing. I'm just very sensitive, I don't want you to get off me" she blushed which made Bjorn chuckle "How can you blush with me Anna after what we've just done?" he traced the blush from her cheek to her chest with a gentle finger. He touched the mark he'd left on her neck "I'm sorry Anna" he mused "I got carried away" she mumbled something that he didn't quite catch. "What did you say?" he asked softly she met his eyes "I said I like it, it makes me smile. I asked for it, I liked it then and I like it now" Bjorn thought back "you did didn't you? I didn't realise how much you liked it. I thought it was just part of it all" "well it was but it worked like the wedding ring but no-one else could see it. I know it's weird" she excused "tell me" he said gently "I want to understand baby" "I'm trying" she whispered "I like the feeling it gives me and when we were young when all those girls threw themselves at you I could smile and think that it was me you did that to not the thousands of beautiful groupies. It was me that belonged to you not them" Bjorn was genuinely dumbfounded "My god that turns me on" he admitted helplessly "why didn't you tell me this at the time?" he demanded and she shrugged "I don't know, maybe I thought it was too weird" his eyes gleamed with new understanding as he met her eyes "and yet today you deliberately let me do it didn't you? I thought you would stop me. Anna, my darling girl even after 50 years you still take my breath away. But you've done it now. What makes you think I'll ever let that mark fade knowing what I know now?" and god love her she met his eyes with no hesitation "What makes you think I WANT you to let it fade Ulvaeus?" came her pert reply and he swore right there that he never would.
