Chasing Stars

Chapter 34 - Reasons

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR]



I stormed out of the office nang makabawi ako sa pagkagulat. Naglakad ako ng mabilis pero nahabol ako ni Sebastian at hinigit ako sa kamay.



"Don't touch me!" sigaw ko. Mabuti nalang at walang mga estudyante rito.



"Danielle, please...I am begging you. W-wala dapat makaalam nito..." he pleaded habang sinasarado ang damit niya. Oh, gosh. Parang sasabog ang ulo ko. Halo-halong emosyong na naman ang gumugulo sa aking pagkatao.


"You're a cheater! You are in a relationship with Anthea Louise, Sebastian! She fucking left me for you tapos...tapos gagaguhin mo siya ng ganito!?" singhal ko. Damn it. Hindi ko na napigilan pa.


"No...no, Danielle. You don't understand! Fuck. Akala ko nag usap na kayo...but please, don't tell any-"


"What's happening here?" I heard from behind. It's Anthea Louise. Great.



"B-babe," he called. Napapikit ako at parang sinaksak sa pagtawag niya non sa kanya. "...she knows."



"She knows what? Danielle , what happened here?" she asked me pero hindi ako sumagot.


Pumikit ng mariin si Sebastian bago nagsalita, "She saw us and Marvin... kissing..."



"He clearly cheated on you." I said. I clenched my jaw in so much anger. Pati ang mga kamay ko ay nakayukom na.


"He did not. Seb, ako na dito. Mas gugulo lang." sambit niya at tinapunan si Sebastian ng nag aalalang tingin.



Hindi na ako tumayo pa doon. My tears fell on my cheek. Naglakad na ako palayo. She is so fucking in love with him na kahit na makipaghalikan sa iba ang boyfriend niya ay wala lang sa kanya. That retarded cheating bastard! I hate him to death!


"Danielle . Stop walking out! Damn it." sambit niya pero diretso ang paglalakad ko. I wanna get out of here.


Naglakad ako sa parking lot habang siya ay nakasunod parin sa akin. Hinanap ko ang kotse ko pero hinila niya ako agad at pwersahang pinapasok sa kotse niya. I tried to open the door pero hindi ko na 'yon mabuksan. Mabilis siyang nakaupo sa driver's seat at pinaharurot na ng kotse niya sa kung saan.


"I'm not playing, Anthea Louise! Stop the car! Gosh, I-I cant even look at you!" sigaw ko sa kanya pero hindi siya nagsalita at nagpatuloy lang sa pagmamaneho.


Parang sasabog na naman ang ulo ko. Pati ang dibdib ko ay nagsisimula nang manakit. My breathe is hitching with every inhale I make.



"Stop the fucking car!" sigaw kong muli. This time ay tumingin na siya sa akin.


"Stop talking, Cortez. Because if you don't, I'm gonna kiss you until you drop. Manahimik ka muna." madiin niyang sabi at muling tumingin sa daan.



Time has made me a little stronger. Whatever word she she will say, I will not stumble.


"You don't tell me what to do. Itabi mo ang kotse, bababa ako. Hindi ko kayang makita ka." I said but I heard no response.


Nagdilim bigla ang langit at tila nagbabadyang umulan.

She drove somewhere unfamiliar to me. Mapuno ang mga daan at iilan lang ang mga bahay. After a few minutes ay tuluyan ng bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan habang siya at seryosong nakatingin lang sa kalsada.



"Where are you taking me? Kikidnappin mo ba ako? I'm gonna sue you." I said.


"Go on. See you in court, then." she said.


"Tss. Saan mo ako dadalhin?"


"Just sit and wait. Malapit na tayo." sambit niya.


Minutes have passed and we stayed quiet hanggang sa iniliko niya ang sasakyan at pumasok sa isang napakalaking gate. She had to drive for a minute or two bago marating ang mismong bahay. This isn't a house anymore, mansion na ito!


She parked her car inside kaya hindi na kami nabasa. Right after we got out ay naglakad siya papunta sa front door.


Napatalon ako ng biglang kumulog ng napakalakas. Hindi ko napansin na napakapit pala ako sa kanya kaya mabilis akong lumayo.


When she unlocked the door, nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Sobrang ganda at lawak ng loob nito. It's like those houses na napapanood sa tv.


Sumunod lang ako sa kanya hanggang sa marating namin ang kusina. Kompleto ito sa gamit. Pati ang stove ay mukhang milyones ang halaga. We're not poor pero I'm sure I'm not even half rich to afford this kind of home.


Nagtimpla siya ng chocolate drink at ibinigay 'yon sa akin. Kahit naka blazer na ako ay ramdam ko padin ang lamig. Just like before, kinuha niya ang remote at hininaan ito.


"Are you still cold?" she asked bago umupo sa kabilang side ng dinner table sa harapan ko.


"No. I'm mad." I said coldly at ibinalot ang palad ko sa mainit na chocolate sa mug.


"I know." sambit niya at humilig sa upuan. She stared at me.


"Why did you take me here? Sinong nakatira dito?" curious kong tanong.


"Wala." sagot niya.


"What? Who owns this?" I asked again dahil hindi niya iyon sinagot.

"Us. We own this house, Danielle ." sagot niya. Di naman ako nabigla. Kahit hindi ko siya lubusang kilala, halata sa kanya na sa karangyaan siya lumaki. Her family must be really rich.


"Your family's really wealthy. This is a mansion, not a house." sambit ko pero tumawa lang siya ng bahagya. What's funny?



"This house is ours, sa ating dalawa, Professor Cortez." she said kaya nagpakunot ako ng noo.


"What!? Ours? Stop talking nonsense."  I said. Tumayo siya at pumasok sa kung saan. She came back with an envelope on her hand.


"You don't believe me? Here. Read this." abot niya sa akin ng hawak niya.


Hindi ako umaasa pero sadyang kinakain ako ng kuryosidad. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makumpirma ang kanyang sinabi. Nakapangalan sa aming dalawa ang property na ito. It started 5 years ago. What the hell?


"W-what is this? Bakit kasama ako?" gulat kong tanong sa kanya.



"Kakatapos lang nito 2 years ago. The year you graduated." she said. Gulong gulo parin ako sa sinasabi niya. "Pinasimulan ko nung first year ka."


"W-what for?" I asked.

"Eto dapat ang ireregalo ko sayo sa graduation mo. You graduated Summa Cum Laude. You topped the board exam. Kulang pa nga ito. Pero hindi na natuloy ang pagbibigay ko sa'yo because terrible things happened." she said. Her expression is softer.



"Terrible, huh? You left me. Don't you dare justify your faults. Wala akong tatanggaping paliwanag." I said coldly.



"It's okay. I just want you to hear me out. Hindi kita pipiliting maniwala."


"No. Ayokong makarinig ng kahit ano galing sayo." sagot ko at saka bumaling sa gilid. Nanlaki na naman ang mga mata ko nang marecognize ko ang isang one line art painting sa wall. "Wait, why do you have that!?" tanong kong muli. Fuck. Mas naguguluhan ako.



I remember this painting. Ito ang unang naging commission ko noong nalugmok kami dahil sa mga utang ni Papa. I remember having a little hope nang malaman kong may magpapa-commission sa akin. Labis itong nakatulong noon dahil lahat ng naging kliyente ko ay galante at hindi umangal sa presyo. Kadalasan ay dinadagdagan pa ang bayad.


"I paid 50 thousand for that. It's beautiful, isn't it? Ikaw ang gumawa, eh." she said.


"You didn't answer me. Why do you have it?"


"Pinagawa ko iyan sayo. Akin 'yan. There's more on the living room. At sa dapat na kwarto natin." sambit niya. "Come, I'll show you."


She showed me the paintings on the living room at confirmed, lahat ng 'yon ay gawa ko. We then went to the second floor at tinungo ang isang kwarto. It was filled by the artworks I made. Nanlambot ako ng tuluyan at napaupo sa malaking kama bago tuluyang maiyak.


"H-how is this even possible, Anthea? You were gone. Wala ka sa tabi ko." I said in between my sobs.


"I was everywhere. Not just beside you dahil hindi pa pwede nung panahong 'yon." sagot niya at umupo sa tabi ko.


I hit her arm. I hit her multiple times pero hindi siya lumalaban. Malalakas na suntok ang binitawan ko pero hinayaan niya lang ako. She held my hands nang mawalan na ako ng lakas para tamaan siyang muli. I feel so weak. Pakiramdam ko ay bubulagta nalang ako dito.



"You left me...for Sebastian..." I said. Kahit boses ko ay nanghihina na.


"I did not. Sebastian's another case but that's not the reason I left. I would never ever leave you for another man, or even a woman." aniya.



"It took you five years to show up. Why would I believe you?" tanong ko bago magpunas ng luha.




"I left you because someone threatened me that she will ruin your life in an instant. A stalker."



"What?" I am so confused right now.


"Do you remember our first encounter? The day you accused me of bullying a student. The same student na ipinagtanggol mo sa akin noon dahil ibinagsak ko siya, that's the same person who blackmailed me."


Hindi ko 'yon makalimutan. The day I first laid my eyes at her. The day I thought my life would end because she happened to be my professor.



"You're a coward."



"I was. But she threatened me na ipapakalat niya ang relasyon nating dalawa. She had pictures of us kissing, hugging, and you entering my condo. She had everything she needs to take everything from me, from you." pagpapatuloy niya.



"Wala kang ginawa? Dapat ay sinabi mo sa aking kung ganon."



"I don't want you to be bothered by it. Kung career ko lang ang masisira, I wouldn't care. But it was yours that was on the line. You have dreams. Dreams I know you'll be able to reach. It will ruin you and your scholarship. Kaya kitang pag-aralin kahit saan mo gusto. Pero hindi ko kakayanin na makita kang bumagsak ng dahil sa kagagawan ko." aniya.



Sumakit ang dibdib ko. I wasn't able contain my tears either at mas malakas akong napahikbi sa mga naririnig. My heart pounded so fast that I think she can hear it.



Hindi na siya muling nagsalita. Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung anong hitsura niya dahil hindi ko siya nakikita.




"What about Sebastian? I saw the video. Sinagot mo siya..." pinilit kong magsalita. I wanna hear more.




"You know na maagang namatay ang Mommy ko. Sebastian's Mom, Tita Alana, siya ang naging nanay ko nang maulila ako sa ina. She's my Mommy's bestfriend and I am Sebastian's. Maliit palang kami ay buo na ang loob ng mga magulang namin na kami hanggang huli. But none of them know he's is gay." sambit niya.


"So, it's true? That...he's really gay? I saw them kissing in Professor Lim's office." tugon ko.




"He is. The video you saw was just for show. Tita Alana has cancer. She wants Sebastian to get a girlfriend and get married before she dies."




"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?" I asked.



"Because I thought you were dating Devin Romualdez. You never denied it when I confronted you." pahayag niya pa.


Yes. Pinili kong hindi yun i-deny dahil galit ako sa kanya.


"I wasn't. Hindi kailanman."


"You never had a boyfriend? I stopped stalking you after kong mabili lahat ng paintings mo. I hired men." she casually said.



"What!? Stalker!" masyado akong nagugulat sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ako pero hearing her explain to me is comforting. Nadadala ako. Nakakalma kahit papano.




"I chose to stay in Oxford at tinanggap ang offer sa akin. Tita Alana was so sick kaya hindi namin siya maiwan. Nawala si Mommy sa akin na hindi ko naibuhos ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya at hindi ko 'yon gagawin ulit sa taong nag aruga sa akin nung nawalan ako ng magulang." aniya.



Her reasons are on point. Lumalambot ang puso kong matagal kong pinatigas. My walls are slowly going down.



"Habang inaayos ko ang problema sa pang b-blackmail sa akin, sinabay ko ang pag aalaga kay Tita. She wished for us to get married bago siya mawala. We pretended. Nagkunwari kami ni Sebastian kahit sukang suka kami sa isa't isa. Tita Alana wants Sebastian to have someone in life dahil natatakot siyang maiwan niya ito ng mag-isa. She's ill and weak." patuloy niya.



Damn it. It makes sense. Lahat ng sinasabi niya ay parang totoo. I am so close to giving in. Ang mga luha
ko ay hindi tumigil sa pagdaloy.




"I still don't believe you..." I said. Kahit ang totoo ay naniniwala na ako sa mga paliwanag niya. I just want to look tough.



"It's okay. Gusto ko lang malaman mo ang lahat kahit hindi mo ako paniwalaan. I am okay with you lending your ears. I will not ask for more."



"Hmmm." I mumbled.




"I went to your graduation. I was the happiest person when I saw you walking on the stage, medals on your neck and certificates on your hand. Pakiramdam ko ay nagtagumpay ako. I finally felt like I did something good for you." she said. Napatingin ako sa kanya. She's smiling. She looks proud.



"I didn't see you." sambit ko.



"I don't think gugustuhin mong makita ako sa araw na 'yon, Danielle . You graduated with flying colors. Hindi din ako nagtagal. Pinlano ko ang puntahan ka dahil sa wakas, hindi ka na kayang sirain ng kahit sino. I hoped na papakinggan mo ako kahit ilang taon kitang sinaktan. But then, the sad news made me go back to England. Tita Alana's gone."  she said, her voice almost cracked.




Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kanya habang bahagya siyang nakatingala. The pain in her eyes is visible.



"Sebastian and I both mourned. After that, hindi na ako nag aksaya ng oras. I flew here. Gusto ko lang na makita ka. You're a very successful woman now and I am so proud of what you have become." she said.




"You hurt me so much. I was so close to ruining myself because you left me. I thought a lot of bad things. Really, really bad things." I said almost murmuring.



"I know."



"Do you regret what you did?" I asked. Napalunok ako habang naghihintay ng sagot.



"No."



Her answer darted a lot of tiny needles in my heart. Para itong kinuyom at pinagsasaksak ng paulit ulit.




"Fuck you, Anthea Louise. I fucking hate you... I deserved a better goodbye!" I exclaimed before bursting out in tears.




"I'd do it over and over again kung ang kapalit ay ang pag-abot mo sa mga pangarap mo. I'd rather suffer alone. I'd rather have you think of me as someone who is evil. I'd rather accept all of the consequences of losing you, than loosing your dreams because of me. I was the one who shook your world in the first place. Masyado kitang minahal ng napaka-aga." aniya.




Mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi ko when I heard her last sentence. I love her more. So much. Bumibigay na ako. Hindi ko na kaya pang hawakan ang mga bakod na matagal kong itinayo para sa kanya.




"I love you so much that I am more willing to lose everything I have than to lose you. I know what I did was unforgivable. You don't know how hard I beat myself every fucking day, thinking that I could have done more. I should have done more. But baby, you were a star. You still are. And you are meant to shine like how you are shining right now..." she paused para huminga.
"...I am sorry that I would do it over and over again. Kahit pareho tayong masasaktan. But then I'd follow you, catch you, and make you fall for me all over again too. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. Leaving you broke me in ways I never knew possible." patuloy niya. I saw a teardrop ran through her cheek pero mabilis niyang pinalis 'yon. She's hurting. She's hurt too.




"You should've came sooner. You should've explained everything to me as soon as you came here!" I exclaimed.




"You don't want me to. You don't want me near you. You wouldn't even look at me." she said




"That's because I didn't know, you idiot!"




She laughed at my response. "Did you just call me an idiot? I graduated Summa Cum Laude too. I also topped the board exam and you called me an idiot, Miss Cortez?" umiling-iling pa siya habang natatawa.




"Thank God I was able to make you eat poop years ago." sambit ko.




"Hey! That's mean!" she exclaimed.



"No one is meaner than you, Miss Vergara!"



"You mean everything to me, though."



"Bolera."



"Hindi ako marunong mambola. It just happened na baliw na baliw ako sayo." tugon niya.




Namula ang mukha ko sa sinabi niya. I can't imagine it. Hindi macomprehend ng utak ko. I feel like I wanna scream.




"Baliw." I said.



"Crazily, madly in love with you. I love you past the moon and missed you beyond the stars." bulong niya.



"Most of my nights are tough. I laid in darkness, overwhelmed by things I wish I didn't think about." I said.



"I know, and I'm sorry."


"You should be." I said.


"Haha. I am."
Sa limang taon na wala siya, pinangako ko na hindi na ako muling babalik sa kanya, gustuhin niya man ako o hindi. She can't return like autumn and let myself fall everytime.


"Anthea Louise..." I called.



"Hmm?" she mumbled.



"Your name...hurts." sambit ko.



"Danielle ..." she called this time.




"Yeah?" I answered.



"Your name lessens my pain."




Muling sumakit ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. Did I invalidate her feelings? I didn't know. I want to say sorry too. I want to say sorry for not hearing her side. Hindi lang ako ang nasaktan sa aming dalawa.


"Huh. What a plot twist you were. I didn't expect you at all. You came abruptly into my life." I said.


"You too."


Short answers but filled with emotions. Ramdam ko ang bawat emosyon sa maiikli naming salita.


Nanatili kaming nakaupo sa malaking kama. Dinadama ang presensiya ng isa't isa. Gusto ko nang makulong sa kanyang mga yakap. Pakiramdam ko ay 'yon lang ang magpapakalma sa akin. My heart is filled with mixed emotions.


"Matatanggal na ako sa trabaho dahil sa'yo. May mga klase pa ako." ako na ang bumasag ng katahimikan.


"It's okay. I own the school now. Hindi kita tatanggalin." pahayag niya kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.


"Y-you do?"


"Yes. My father died 2 years ago and I know you heard about it. Domitillo Australlano Abad Jr. is my father."


Mas nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Oh, gosh!


"You didn't tell me!"


"You never asked. I used my mother's surname, kung itatanong mo kung bakit hindi kami pareho ng apelyido."


"You're filthy rich."


"I can be your sugar mommy. It's not too late." biro niya pero hinampas ko lang siya sa braso. "Ihahatid na kita pauwi sa inyo, titignan ko lang ang ulan." sambit niya at naglakad papunta sa bintana.




Nakita ko na malakas parin ang ulan at tila malabong titila ito agad.



"Kapag nalang tumila na. Kung ayos lang sa'yo na mag stay pa ako dito..."


"Silly, this is your house too. Legally." sambit niya.



Naalala ko na naman. "You're crazy. Bakit ka naman magpapagawa ng bahay para sa ating dalawa?" I said at tumawa ng mahina pero sumeryoso ang mukha niya.


"I was so sure of you. I still am. There are a lot of things that confuses me until now, but you are the only thing I am certain I desire." aniya.


"What if I've moved on?" tanong ko.


"I'll stop. Wala na akong magagawa. I will just look at you from afar. Just like how I look at the stars when I think of you." pahayag niya. Same, baby. Same.


"You are my first in everything..."


"I know. I apologize for being a terrible first to you." aniya.


Lumapit siya sa akin. She's standing in front of me while I'm sitting on the bed. She tilted my chin kaya ngayon ay salubong na ang aming mga mata.


Umawang ang bibig ko nang unti-unting lumapit ang mukha niya sa akin hanggang sa maglapat ang aming mga labi. She kissed me tenderly. Walang rahas at pagmamadali. Marahan at tila nag-iingat.



When she cut our kiss, she kneeled in front of me and held both of my hands like they're the most fragile thing to ever exist. Her eyes are filled with tears. "B-baby, I'm so sorry for everything. I-I should've done more...I should've-"







I didn't let her finish her sentence. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly. I can feel her longing for me. I don't care kung masabihan ako ng kung ano-ano. I love this woman so much. I can't lose her again. It would definitely kill me.

"I am here, baby. You're not lost anymore. You are home." I assured her before I kissed her forehead.

----

As promised, here it is. Invite niyo ako sa mga ga-graduate. Around Tarlac City. Char.

Anyway, sana na-enjoy niyo itong chapter.