"Get out." You say quietly so to not raise your voice at JJ. "What?" She asks. You lower your hands and slowly open your eyes, "Get out!" You raise your voice slightly and JJ jumps a little. "Y/N. I can't leave you here." She says as you look her in the eyes. "You heard me."
She slowly stands up and backs out the door.
"Fuck." You slam your hand against the wall of the cubicle. You stand up and lock the door. Moving over to the sinks and looking into the mirror above the sink.
"You idiot. Look at yourself." You say to yourself before lifting your arm and punching the mirror. It smashes and you lose it. Screaming at yourself. "You idiot!"
A knock at the door centres you. "Y/N? Please open the door." You unlock the door and walk out, saying under your breath "They'll need to replace one of the mirrors." She looks into the bathroom, seeing the mirror, shocked. Shutting the door quickly behind her.
You walk up to the briefing room, popping your head in and asking Hotch, "Can I speak to you in your office?" You head to his office, listening to his footsteps behind you.
Rolling your sleeve over your knuckles. "I want to join the team on this one, I can't sit in the office the whole time. Please." You ask as he closes the blinds. "Ok, if I let you work this case, promise me if you think you can't handle it, tell me." You nod and smile in gratitude.
He walks out and you follow him back to the briefing room. "Ok, wheels up in 30. JJ, you staying or coming?"
She looks up at Hotch and then over to you. "I'll go." The team gets up and heads to the jet as you make your way down the stairs to your desk. Grabbing your go bag and headphones.
---
Just as the jet is about to leave, you jump on. "Sorry, I'm late." You sit down in the usual seat and put your headphones on.
You see JJ, a confused look overcomes her face. After the plane is in the air, you head to the back of the jet to make a cup of tea. Closing the curtains behind you.
Your hand is turning blue and purple but the bleeding had stopped. "Y/N?" You hear a quiet voice from behind the curtain.
Curious, you pull it open. It's JJ. She comes through the curtain and closes it behind her. "Y/N, can we talk?" She asks as you say back to her with a little attitude, "Do I have a choice? It's not like I can get out of the jet." As you place the teabag into your mug, she notices your knuckles. "Oh my gosh, Y/N." She reaches for your hand, grabbing it but you pulling it away because of its tenderness.
"I'm fine." You say as she tries again to hold it. "Y/N, you can isolate yourself all you want but I'm not leaving. Push me away, fine, I'll come back at you harder."
"Look, I just want to catch the bastard and get home ok?" You breathe slowly to stop the pain coming from your hand. "We could have stopped him from the office."
"J, when Emily told you about my past. How far did she get through it?" You ask as she tries yet again to hold your hand. She looks up at you and says, "To the part where you cleaned it up."
"What she didn't tell you, was that after I cleaned up her blood. He knocked me out, carried me to his truck and drove. He drove all the way from New York to Washington. Killing himself while holding me before the police could shoot him."
She looks at you, the same look that Emily gave you when you first told her. Fear. The fear of trying to love a person that's seen so much, in such a short amount of time, with no trust in the world.
"Y/N... I'm sorry." Are the only words she can muster before you finish making your cup of tea. "J, let's just get this case done, then we can talk at home. I'm sorry." As you go to walk out of the back she grabs your hand and turns you around.
"Please, let me help you." She reaches for your hand and pulls it up close. Feeling for any broken bones or glass. "You can't keep taking care of me." You tell her while looking at her hands tracing your bruise.
"I want to. Because I love you." You let out a smile before asking her, "J? Hand me my tags for a second. I'll give them back." She lets go of your hand and reaches for the tags around her neck. You put down your tea and grab the dog tags from her.
You hold them as you slowly lower one leg. Pain and tears are running through your body, "Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?"
YOU ARE READING
JJ's Secret Lover
FanficJJ is dating Will and you have been secretly in love with her since you joined the team! But with conflicting history and love lives, will they get together?
