The Love We Deserve - Azriel x OC

You've never had hot chocolate before?

I was up before dawn, dressed in the same outfit as yesterday and practically melting into the soft material of the jumper as I waited.

I flinched as magic hummed in the air, scanning the room to identify a steaming mug now sat on my windowsill. I lifted it to my face, smelling it before taking a sip. The warm liquid travelled through me and was thick and creamy. I hummed happily, taking a seat so I could stare out the window, the first light of day just beginning to peak over the mountain.

A soft knock sounded at my door and I moved off the sill, opening it to reveal the Shadowmaster, black whisps running up my legs in greeting.

"what you got there?" he peered into the cup.

"I don't know. It's good though"

He took the offered cup, sipping from it before licking his lips with a small smile.

"you've never had hot chocolate before?" his question wasn't teasing.

"it's a luxury, probably worth an arm and a leg"

"bring it down with you, it's still cold. Do you want a jacket?"

I shook my head, following him down the hall to find Cassian waiting for us by the door, also dressed in leathers as he let out a yawn.

"Morning, is that for me?" Cassian reached for the mug, but shadows pushed him away, pulling my mug closer to my body as I laughed through my nose.

"it seems not" I sipped from it with a smile whilst the man pouted. The mug refilled as we made our way outside and I winked back at the house in thanks. "so, where do we go for training?"

"it's not far, but we're going to winnow" Azriel once again offered me his arm and I took it.

"what don't trust me Green?" Cassian teased and I rose an eyebrow.

"Azriel wasn't the one trying to steal my hot chocolate"

"maybe that's my ulterior motive" the shadow master's eyes shined in the early ray of sun and I held my mug protectively.

"I won't give it up easily"

"I'm sure you'll show us one day"

And with that we disappeared, reappearing in a open room, no walls but pillars supported a painted ceiling. Mats lay along the floor with a wall of wooden weapons and various training equipment.

The ceiling depicted a great battle between fae and humans, each face beautifully illustrated with emotion, and I realised I was stood, my arm still looped with Azriel's as I stared.

"sorry" I let him go, but he shook his head, accompanying Cassian in setting up the ring.

My feet carried me to the centre of the room, continuing to study the art as the sun lit the space, warmth cradled in my hands.

"does it upset you, the art?" Cassian called as he carried a mat over his head, using the backs of his wings to support.

"no. it's rather beautiful. This story is of a war fought long ago but it is the same" I mulled, turning my attention back to the males. They had achieved whatever set up they were hoping for it seems and I found my seat upon some stacked mats, legs crossed as they began to bandage their knuckles.

I nursed my drink as they began to fight. Train, I corrected myself mentally. They were training. Each strike to their body made my jaw clench, eyes unable to tear away from the almost brutal scene. It became a mix of beauty and pain and I found it hard to dissociate it from what I'd seen. In a sense I was protective over these kind people and to see them hitting each other was slightly more than I could handle.

It was only when Azriel let out a grunt of pain that I released the breath I was holding, leaving my mug as I walked out quickly. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as my body forced itself to the floor, vision blurring as I tried to claw air into my system. I pressed my back against the cool stone of the rock wall I had found myself hidden behind, tucking my head into my knees as I wept. It felt like the world was closed in around me, the haunts of war echoing around me, the blood, the dead eyes that stared into nothing. My friends-people I had come to know. Dead. The people I had killed, each time I took a life to save another.

"Hey, hey are you okay?" Cassian's voice asked cautiously, and I could make out his winged form crouched next to me through the tears.

"just a minute" the words shook and stuttered as I tried to regulate my breathing, covering my face with my hands as my chest burned for air, mind screaming.

Hands pressed to my shoulder, easing me back gently and pulling my hands from my face, moving my legs to lay flat despite my insistent urge to wrap myself together.

"breathe with me Alex" Cassian encouraged, placing my hand on his chest and holding it there as he took deep breaths. Brown eyes peered at me with understanding, concern and I mimicked the action, my chest rising with his and I felt the air lighten with each breath. The screaming began to quiet until the world was in focus and I could see each freckle on his face, each vein in his wings.

"I'm sorry" the apology was automatic as I wiped the tracks from my face, careful not to dampen the soft jumper I was borrowing. "normally I can manage by myself"

"you have panic attacks often?" his voice was soft, but his hand remained pressing my own to his chest.

"more in the last two weeks than I care to admit"

He nodded, and cool shadows wound around me, lifting my hair from the back of my neck and I noted the hesitant appearance of the shadow master.

"it was too soon" Azriel summarised, and I nodded in agreement.

"the fighting-training. It just..." I couldn't form the words but they both nodded.

"it all becomes one" Cassian finished, helping me to my feet, warm hands a comfort through the jumper. "give it time. give yourself time."

"I know." And I did. I knew it wouldn't be easy coming back to civilisation. But coming back to a fae world "I'm sorry to interrupt your session"

"don't be, he was losing anyway" Azriel joked, and I smiled as Cassian began rolling his eyes and getting snappy with him.

"here" I was handed back my still hot mug "magic isn't all bad" it smelt like metal.

"no, it just depends on how it's used"