"We have to go back in a couple of days." I tell Thomas sadly as we eat lunch.
"Don't remind me." He says grumpily. "I would be content to just live here with you for the rest of my life. Just you and me, all alone in the mountains. We would do anything and say anything we want, no one would know where we were. Wouldn't that be lovely?" Thomas says, and I can see a sparkle in his eye.
"It would, but I would miss my animals, and you would miss your job..."
He sighs. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
I was overwhelmed at that moment at how handsome he was, how incredible he was, how perfect he was. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
He still had a messy head of hair, he hadn't bothered to brush it after we got up. His eyes were sparkling. I watch as his tongue slips out of his mouth and licks his lips.
Oh my goodness.
"Is there something on my face?" He asks as he sees me staring. I just shake my head.
Gosh, he's gorgeous.
"You're just so handsome Thomas." I say in an embarrassed whisper.
Thomas blushes. It was so adorable. I couldn't take it anymore, I let out a little squeal and say, "You're just so freaking CUTE! Ahhhh, so handsome!"
I quickly cover my mouth.
Oh crap. Did I really just do that?!
I look down at the table, my hand still covering my mouth, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
He thinks I'm a freak now.
No, calm down Kylie! Just stay calm. I try to reason with myself.
'That's because you ARE a freak.'
My dad's voice.
Get out of my head, dad. Leave me alone!
'What a helpless baby. You-'
"Kylie! Kylie, stop scratching your arms, you're making yourself bleed!" Thomas's voice says urgently. I feel his hands take mine and he stands me up.
I look at my arms. Sure enough, there were long, deep, scratches along them, and they were bleeding a fair amount.
I look back up at Thomas. I see his worried and concerned face, and I just think,
Why does he put up with me? Why does he want to be with a person that has breakdowns all the time, that cries every other day, that's a freak, that's scared of big crowds, that whines. How is he so patient with me? He must be tired of seeing me cry and scream and whine, why hasn't he left? Why is he still here?
I've lost it.
"Kylie. Kylie! Answer me! Stop hitting yourself! Kylie! Look at me, Kylie!" His shouts were frantic. He was freaking out.
Calm down, answer him! I attempt one last time to calm myself down, to bring myself back to reality, but I had already been overtaken by fear and doubt.
You make him worry way too much. You don't deserve him, you're a psycho that hears voices in your head. He's faking everything. He's just taking pity on you. You're nothing but a piece of trash, just like your dad says.
I thought these voices had gone away. Why were they back?!
I could feel tears streaming down my face. I felt the blood running down my arms.
I looked up at him. He was shouting things, but I couldn't hear him. He was crying.
"Thomas. Thomas, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I cry all the time. I'm sorry you have to fake it. I'm sorry that I'm broken and that you can't fix me. I thought I was okay, I thought I was fixed, but I'm not. You deserve someone better, someone who doesn't lose their mind all the time. I'm sorry that you feel like you have to protect me."
He looked at me like I was crazy. "What the HELL are you talking about?! I'm not faking anyhing! I want to protect you! I don't WANT anybody else! It's just the voices in your head, don't listen to what they are saying!" He runs into the kitchen, grabs some towels, and quickly wraps my arms up.
"Come and sit down, you need to rest and calm down." He tries to pull me toward the couch, but I stay rooted to the spot.
"Kylie, come here, please."
I take one step towards him, then stop. I shake my head.
"Please stop it Thomas. Please stop acting like you care. Stop acting like you love me."
His eyes widen. "Are you crazy?! Of course I care! Of course I love you! Why would you think I'm acting? Good Lord, can't you see I LOVE YOU?! Why are you thinking like this? Please, please, please clear your head! I love you, Snowflake! I love you so much! Please believe me!" He gives me a big hug. A big bear hug.
I bask in his hug and warmth and try to tell myself to let him hold me and make everything okay, but my dad's voice won't let me.
And he whispers, "Come on, you're just having a tough time, it's alright. Let's go lay down, okay?"
"Please take me home." I say.
He pulls away. "W-what?"
"Thomas, please take me home. I don't want to be here anymore."
"Hold on, let's not do anything rash-"
"Take me home Thomas! I don't want to be here anymore!" More tears spill out of my eyes.
And more tears spill out of his. "Kylie..."
Dammit, stop making him cry! You cry enough for the both of us!
"Why do you keep faking it? I know that you think I'm some crazy psychotic freak that has issues, so why are you acting like you love me?!"
"I'M NOT FUCKING ACTING! Why the hell do you think I'm acting all of this?!" He yells.
I flinch. "I'm sorry. Please, take me home. I can't be here anymore."
"Kylie, I-I'm sorry that I yelled at you-" He apologizes.
No, it's not your fault, Thomas!
"I'll go pack my stuff." I turn around and walk away. I hesitate as I walk through the doorway, and my heart was breaking.
The car ride back to my apartment was silent and seemed to stretch on forever. I wanted to slap myself for what I was doing to him. I was hurting him.
I'm sure he'll be able to get over me fast.
When we get to my apartment, he stops in front. He turns to me.
"Kylie, listen to me please. I don't know what's going on in your head, but please know that I-"
"I'm so sorry. Good bye Thomas. I- I love you." I get out of the car and grab my stuff.
"Kylie, don't leave. I love you too, can't you see? Why won't you believe me? Did you think that I have been faking this the whole time?"
"No. I was a fool and was imagining it. I see it now though."
Don't let him go.
"Kylie-" I put down my luggage and grab my wallet out of my back pocket. I hand him two 100 dollar bills. "This is for all the trouble I caused you." I pick my stuff up and open the apartment building door.
"I don't want your money! I want you! Please, come back! " I feel him put the money back into my coat pocket.
I want you too.
"Bye, Thomas." I whisper.
The last thing I hear, is my name being called.
★★★★★
This was a hard chapter to write for me. It was a bit emotional. I hope you don't hate me for writing it. Don't worry, the story isn't over yet.
Thanks for all the support.
May StarClan light your path.
