ISABELLE

Chapter 14

Since the day I have learnt about the truth on my purpose to Nathan, I didn't speak a word to him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't ask him anymore questions. It doesn't matter to me now.

My heart has died.

My sole purpose was to bear an heir for him. I didn't know why I felt like shit after learning the truth. Did I expect him to say something else?

I am so foolish.

We still have our meals together and we slept together on the same bed. He didn't have any advances towards me and I do not know if I should be happy or sad about it. He did not have sex with me just further proves to me that I am just a child bearing tool for him. Nothing else and nothing more.

There couldn't be more. 

Every day, I would go to the jetty to think. To think why am I here on this earth. My purpose of living in this world was to bear children for Nathan? Do I have other purposes in life? What will it be? Does he have other feelings towards me that I am unaware of? Does he have any feelings towards me like I do towards him? If I continue to stay by his side, will he develop feelings for me? Can I get what I wanted from him?

Or, do I need to get away from him? Do I want to leave him? Can I leave him? Will he catch me if I were to run away? I highly doubt I would be able to get away from him. He is the mafia boss; he would catch me however far I went or how deep I would hide myself.

I would never be able to leave him in this life.

Touching my protruding tummy, I am in a dilemma. I do not know what am I supposed to do now. I do not want to leave my children behind. I am afraid that they might suffer because of me. Will Nathan release his anger towards them if I were to run away? In the meantime, will I be able to protect them if I were to stay with Nathan? Do I have the ability to protect my children?

Also, he has Gerald and Ashton already. Why does he still keep me by his side? He has gotten what he wanted from me. What does he want from me exactly?

Nathan is getting busier. He would go to the house beside ours daily. He would stay inside for hours and he would go back to our house to have dinner with me. Most of the time, I would be alone. I am free to do what I want. Taking s stroll around the lake houses. Spending time at the jetty reading a book or just daydream.

Sitting by the jetty, I have learnt that the windows on both houses were tinted black. From the outside, I couldn't see what's happening on the inside. But I do know that there were many of his men staying in the other house. His men were all fierce looking. They were all huge in size and I couldn't imagine what will happen to me if they were to attack me. I think I would bleed to death. These people know my existence too; they do not come to bother me. They would leave me alone and they would just nod their heads when they saw me.

I do not know if Nathan had sent his men to keep track of what I am doing but oftentimes, I do feel like someone is following me when I am walking around the perimeter of the lake houses. I didn't bother to check who it was or ask Nathan about it. As long as they leave me alone, I am fine.

One afternoon, I was sitting by the jetty looking at the scenery. I was in my own thoughts and I didn't notice it was almost dinner time until Nathan sat down beside me.

He just sat there and didn't say a word. I know he is a man of little words, but I wished he could talk to me. Tell me more about himself, his family. Or ask me questions. I know he is a very observant person, but it frustrates me to no end when he wouldn't say anything.