Beep. Beep. Beep.
A hand smacks down on the alarm clock to turn it off. This hand belongs to one Peter Parker.
“Ugh, time to wake up.” The man gets out of his bed to walk into the bathroom.
Peter checks his phone while he awaits his waffles to finish cooking. Peter discovers a message on a private group text from his best-friend Johnny Storm.
Matchstick: Hey Pete you up?
Human-Spider: I am. What’s up?
Matchstick: Remember how you told me you needed money yesterday?
Human-Spider: Yeah, I always need money :(
Matchstick: Well I have a way to make you a lot of money :)
Human-Spider: What is it?
Matchstick: Star in a porno with Lorina Dodson
Human-Spider: Uhh, what’s a porno?
Matchstick: Please tell me your joking?
Matchstick: Oh my One Above All how do you not know about porn!?!? You were the biggest nerd in school!
Human-Spider: What do you mean? I was always busy being Spider-Man along with working as a photographer for Jameson. And what is this porn I should know about?
Matchstick: Porn is an industry where men and or women record themselves having all kinds of sex. This leads to most people that watch it get off while masturbating.
Human-Spider: Hey Matchstick I have only masturbated after women like Mary-Jane pass out before I orgasm for a second time.
Matchstick: And how many times would she orgasm by the time she passes out?
Human-Spider: She usually keeps conscience until she reaches her twelfth orgasm.
Matchstick: Well if you’re that big of a stud why don’t you agree to this deal I’m offering.
Human-Spider: Mark my words Johnny nothing is gonna lower my standards enough to sell my body off for money.
Matchstick: Okay Mr. Spider-Man’s only photographer.
Human-Spider: How much are they paying?
Matchstick: $1000.
Human-Spider: … I’m in.
Peter arrives at a studio and sees Johnny chatting with a man that’s balding and clearly is middle-aged.
“Hey, Pete!”
Peter walks up to Johnny and the middle-aged man while smiling nervously. “Hey, Johnny.”
“Peter I’d like you to meet Jules Jordan.”
Mr. Jordan stretches his arm out to which Peter firmly grasps and shakes while maintaining eye contact. “You must be Peter Parker, Johnny here has been telling me all about you. I’ve also heard of your work through the Bugle.”
“Yeah, well I just have an eye for photography and know the right people.”
“I’m almost tempted to use you as a cameraman instead of the man fucking the actress.”
“Sorry, Jules but if Deadpool found out you cucked Spider-Man’s best friend you would not live till tomorrow.”
“Y-yes… okay well I-I’ll see you around.” The man said before scurrying off.
“So Pete did you remember to cover up your scars as I said?”
“Yep. Now tell me Johnny how long of a wait do we need to have until it starts?”
